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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to scream at folk who continually go on about their hectic, busy lives like it's a burden but do nothing about it

23 replies

voluptuagoodshag · 22/10/2014 10:17

Drives me up the wall. Like they have the franchise on being busy and then every time you encounter them, all they do is talk about how busy they are and list everything they have got going on in their lives. This is usually in conjunction with a 'we must catch up properly' or 'I'm sorry I've not been in touch'. Erm, no we mustn't because you bore the tits off me and we had a cuppa only two weeks ago when you bored the tits off me then too.
Rarely ask how I am doing or if they do, as soon as I've replied they immediately link it back to how busy they are.
If you are that fecking busy then do less stuff or stop moaning about it but at least try to understand that your life list is not any more important than anyone elses. There, rant over!!!

OP posts:

Glenshee · 22/10/2014 12:08

All my friends are really busy and often stressed because of how much they've got on. The ones who are most busy I tend to only see once or twice a year (despite being local and bumping onto each other on the street etc), so it's kind of near impossible to establish any kind of meaningful relationship, but I still love seeing them because they are such great people, full of ideas and energy and kindness.

However self-centered people, or chronic moaners, is a different kettle of fish. Busy or not, they are not much fun to be around.

Montegomongoose · 22/10/2014 13:36

shag this constant desire to boast how busy you are annoys me too.

I always say how awful it must be to be so disorganised not to have the time for the important things.

Like friendships and staring into space with a coffee.

I feel so sorry for people whose lives are just never-ending lists of things to do, never reflecting or having time to talk about something they've really enjoyed.

The worst offenders are usually quite unimaginative though, so I sometimes wonder if they just silt up their lives with trivial piles of nonsense so they have an excellent excuse for never really doing anything worthwhile, just dashing about like flies.

Original poster

voluptuagoodshag · 22/10/2014 14:29

It's the self centred moaners I'm talking about, like they confuse busy with important. Most folk I know are busy with one thing or another, it's just life.

I too have certain folk I love meeting up with but it happens less frequently because yes life is busy but when we do we have great conversations, pick up from where we left off, do something together and talk at the same time. But the ones that just go on and on about 'busy' like no-one else could possibly be as busy as me.

OP posts:

iseenodust · 22/10/2014 14:34

YANBU drives me batty too.

PrivateJourney · 22/10/2014 14:43

It is a truism that busy people have the most time. The people I know who are really really busy, full on career, large family, busy social life and volunteering commitments too always seem to be able to find time for one more thing, a phonecall just because or a catch up over coffee.

Others waste a lot of time on MN complaining about how busy we are.

People who are properly busy don't seem to complain or even notice. I often wonder how public figures manage it. I know they have more help than normal people but they can be in three cities on one day and still collect DC from school and fit in a round of golf at the weekend.

SophiaPetrillo · 22/10/2014 16:23

I completely agree with you OP. I used to be friends with a couple of people like this. We'd arrange to meet up somewhere, they'd turn up late, all breathless and huffing and puffing about how much they'd had to do that day and how difficult it had been to "fit" me in. It annoyed me intensely, like they were doing you a huge favour or something. I just quietly dropped them, funny how they're never too busy to tell you how busy they are.

feelingmellow · 22/10/2014 16:29

Yes I know a few people who are always so frantically busy that they can only spare 25 minutes or so when we meet up. Even worse are the ones who start phoning friends almost as soon as we sit down 'hope you don't mind - I haven't had a chance to speak to mum, mary, fred etc.' while I sit there like a lemon earwigging their conversations.

Nancy66 · 22/10/2014 16:32

Also, one person's 'busy' is another person's 'average day.'

People who bang on and on about how much they have to do are often the people who do the least (in my experience)

BalloonSlayer · 22/10/2014 17:06

My DSis is like this.

On one of the DCs birthdays recently she left an answerphone message explaining why their card was late "because on Monday I had to work late and missed the post and on Tuesday I had a hospital appointment and on Wednesday I had a Really Important meeting . . . " etc.

The thing is that none of the DCs care if their cards are late. They quite like this as it extends their birthday. No apology or explanation was needed. Trouble is I put the message on speakerphone so the birthday child could hear it, without listening to it first, so all the DCs heard her going on and ended up rolling their eyes and laughing at the self-importance of it. One of them mentioned it yesterday actually. Shame.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 22/10/2014 17:34

Thing is, everyone is apparently 'busy' now. Yes, lots of us have to balance working and being with kids and family and then seeing friends and it IS hard. But if we're honest, we've also probably watched a few box sets / spent a fair while on mn in the meantime. But seriously? My retired mum... always busy. Our relative who is a sahm with a cleaner and two children who board during the week... SO busy. It's exhausting and annoying.

Charitybelle · 22/10/2014 17:41

I have friends like this. Most of the time it doesn't bother me too much, but I do think they're silly not to organise their lives better. Often it's not the essential stuff causing them to be what I call 'flakey' but it's overcommitting to other stuff (social/family etc) that makes them stressed. Just learn to say no, have lower (more realistic) expectations of your time and you might actually make it to stuff on time and not arrive sweaty and apologising all the time?
One mate in particular is always rushing around trying to fit everyone and everything in because she's a chronic people pleaser, we've talked about it before and the power of saying no, but she can't face the ensuing self inflicted guilt she would feel so she lives her life in a perpetual state of panic. I don't really mind as I know what she's like, so try not to expect too much from her in terms of timekeeping etc, but it is irritating sometimes.

Point being, some people like to be busy, leave them to it. If it starts to drive you nuts, just give them a wide berth, they're unlikely to change unless they want to.

OnlyWantsOne · 22/10/2014 17:45

I'm not busy :) right now I'm on the sofa with my small children aristocrats drinking hot chocolate ;)

OnlyWantsOne · 22/10/2014 17:45

*watching aristocrats

Ffs

OnlyWantsOne · 22/10/2014 17:46

AristoCATS

Ffs X 2

comfycushion · 22/10/2014 17:46

I completely agree.

I have one friend who is always moaning about how busy she is and how tired she is and then I see on fb that she is so tired she cannot make dinner.

The next day she writes had a lovely evening catching up with some friends did not get to bed til 2am.......... mmm I think thought you were tired...... oh how I chuckle.

juneybean · 22/10/2014 17:48

I have a friend like this, she's always "full of busy" despite being a part time worker.

magimedi · 22/10/2014 17:53

You need to use a phrase I learnt from my late (& very much missed) MIL that she used if anyone was moaning about how busy they were:

"Never mind, busy hands are happy hands".

Most infuriating & a great put down - and maybe a conversation stopper

Original poster

voluptuagoodshag · 22/10/2014 18:09

I don't mind busy people who are happy about it. Some folk I know pack in loads but they never complain and life is always a glass half full. There is one who is similar to a lot of the points mentioned. She doesn't need to do half the things that take up her time but she obviously likes doing them. This is fine but she then goes on and on about it like it's some sort of badge of honour. And always gives too much preamble as to why she is busy. And if I say I'm having a lazy morning with kids she goes on about how much she'd love to be able to do that. Also complains about hardly spending time together as a family then farms kids out all weekend to different activities and gets a babysitter in virtually every Saturday night whilst she goes to some other social event on her hectic calendar.

OP posts:

sangfreude · 22/10/2014 18:21

I find it truly irritating too, op. I have a friend who is so busy that the last time she was due to come for the weekend, a long held plan for her own hen do she cancelled on the Saturday evening at 6pm when she was supposed to arrive on the Friday. She was that busy

Aladyinsane · 22/10/2014 18:21

Haha Only I had a lovely image of your children sat on the sofa wearing top hats, tails and monacles!

This is why I like mumsnet because you get to see into other people's minds. I probably do moan about how busy I am especially at work. although I really am busy sorry, I didn't say that!!

I will make a conscious effort to moan less. You're right, everyone is busy and no one cares how busy I am! We are all busy.

Suckitup · 22/10/2014 18:23

I used to work with a woman who spent all day on her mobile telling people how busy she was,

scaramooch · 22/10/2014 18:33

I know what you mean.

I have a school run acquaintance like this, SAHM, plenty of spare time.

Last year for the nativity the children were asked to wear brown clothes as they were going to be donkeys - school would provide rest of costume.

She made SUCH a meal of it - buying clothes in 3 sizes to find the best fit, buying two colours of dye to find the most donkeyish shade - then having to arse around trying clothes on, returning the ones that didn't fit, then the dye.

Then moaning about how busy she is because of all the pointless tasks she created for herself. Why?????

DaisyFlowerChain · 22/10/2014 20:01

Scaramooch, it's usually the mums who don't work at our school who moan about costumes yet it took me all of five minutes to purchase one online

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