...to feel jealous / unhappy / discombobulated when old boyfriends announce on FB that they're engaged / married / pregnant etc?

[LemonDrizzleTwunt]

...ugh. I know it's not a nice quality, but I opened up FB this morning to find out that an old boyfriend of mine had got engaged, and that his girlfriend is pregnant, and felt some kind of uneasy / mean-spirited feeling, that I can't really put my finger on.

I am happily married (and have been for 2 years), so I'm not sure it's jealousy. I don't want to rekindle any kind of romance with him he was hardly an adonis ! And it's not him, particularly, either. I mean, had it been any other old boyfriend, I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.

Does anyone else get this? What is it?!

It's unreasonable; but I get it too. I think it's an echo of the bad feeling left at the end of the relationship(s).
As for many things, there's a scene in When Harry Met Sally that perfectly covers this.

I think I know what you mean, and I suspect it's a weeny bit of closet narcissism. It's just the ultimate sign that they've completely moved on and gotten over you, and no one's ego really appreciates that. Just recognise it for what it is, then draw a and move along.

That's my take anyway- tho I am completely self-obsessed.

Yeah I get this too (well I got it once, only one ex!). I'm married with a DD, but when my ex got married in august it felt really odd. Especially as we have lots of mutual friends on Facebook and I saw lots of updates about how amazing their wedding was! That's the problem with social media, you have access to information that you never would have before.

Thanks both, I expected I was BU...but hoped I wasn't alone! Am going to spend the afternoon watching When Harry Met Sally and seeing what else I might be narcissistic about

I get what you mean OP. It's not jealousy or wishing they were marrying you instead. It's seeing them happy and moved on. Especially if they were arseholes or things ended badly. You want to be the one to move on and be happy and have the great life while they realise they'll never have someone as good as you

I'm talking the general you, not you OP. I just read it back and it sounds like I'm being personal!

Haha Betty, not at all! Although I think you have hit that nail on the head, the fact that their life is as great as mine is somehow a disappointment to me! Especially the bit about never having someone as good as me Pathetic, but true

Might I recommend Alanis' You Oughta Know and/or Adele's Someone Like You as the soundtrack for your afternoon's wallowing?

My god I know exactly what you mean OP. Yes Betty is right - especially if the guy was a complete arsehole, like my ex! I was like, 'how could you move on from me, wanker!' even though I've been married for 9 years to a wonderful and have a 4 year old son with him

*wonderful man

Ooh good choices SaucyJack

"And when I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it"

I love that line. I remember singing along to Alanis as a teenager while blubbering over my cheating boyfriend

I sometimes think it when I see my ex pop up on Facebook. He was an arsehole of the highest order who cheated on me constantly. But I've seen him in two long term relationships on Facebook over the years and I do think, "Why are you happy now? Why are you faithful and happy with them but you were a dick to me?" Of course I'm only seeing a Facebook snapshot and he could be a cheating arsehole forever more. Or maybe he took his crap boyfriend badge off after he was done with me.

Excellent choice in music Saucy. Funny that Betty and Wee have mentioned that the XBs were arseholes, as this one was, too. Another I was all floopy about when he had a child was also an arsehole.

Do we miss the arseholes? Or, do we think that because they were arseholes it's unfair that they're happy?

Can I join the arsehole unappreciation thread?!
My Ex was a proper tosspot- cheating, lying, you name it.
I left him, then he went off and found someone else and married them. He lives in a hot lovely country and is successful at what he does. He and his wife are happy. He is tanned. (Grrr)
I got married after him, am pregnant (don't think she is HA) but it still rankles when I see a mutual friend on FB or something reminds me of him. I am very happily married to a loving faithful honest gentleman, but still get pangs that tosspot 'got over me' first and married.
Cnut.

I can completely appreciate this feeling and felt a strange, I don't know if sadness is the right word, but it's close enough, when an ex of mine had a baby with someone.

I'd already had a baby and was engaged to a man who is perfect for me so the feeling really took me by surprise.

He was awful in the most serious ways. Even 11 years later I would never ever want him back but it kills me he has found someone else and had a child! I am very happy now with my dp

I don't know why, I think it's because I worry for his new family and don't understand how they couldn't see how bad he is. It gets to me that he's happy now.

I think the truth is though what was it about me that made him be so despicable in the worst ways possible when he obviously has the capacity to be loving and caring with someone else.

Anyway yes yabu but I am too! I think it's the way life works sometimes.

Yy to never wanting them back, and to being perfectly happy now!

Perhaps Scrambled is right, why didn't we receive the nice behaviour, and someone else did?

highly enjoying being unreasonable over this

I get this too. My relationship didn't end bad, it was mutal due to growing apart and I met my OH 2 months later and am now very happy.

Still gets me though. I go through emotions. I'm happy for him as he deserves to be loved and happy but I'm so jealous she now gets to make friends with his family and do the same stuff we did together. So for me it's a feeling off memories being tainted.

It also has become a bit of a wonderment for me that his new girlfriend (first since we spilt up 6 years ago) happens to be the spitting image off me. Total doppelganger.

I get this. It's happened a couple of times too with people I've never dated but have had a bit of a crush on - it feels strange, as I am happily married.

It's not a feeling that lasts, happily.

On the flipside, do you think men feel the same way about us moving on? I doubt it somehow.

There's a great article on baggage reclaim about this. It's called something like "I don't want you to go off and become a better person in another relationship without me". It's definitely the thing about why is he treating her well but he didn't bother with me?

I got it so badly with one ex, when i heard he was having a child with the girl he saw at the same time as after me i got horribly drunk, I was soupset. Found oyt 2 days later i was pregnant myself! Oops!

You see this is the main reason why I do not want anything to do with face book. You end up finding out too much and ex partners and ex friends are ex for a reason. It's all the past. I'd rather leave it where it belongs.

I would say, from the depths of my great wisdom, experience and advanced age that some men behave badly in relationships and then reach an age where they get their shit together and figure out how to behave. It is nothing to do with who they are with and everything to do with timing.

Many years of dating before I met my DH, and observing the dating of others, has convinced me that this is the case.

I hope this helps ...

I split up with ds's dad nearly 10 yrs ago when ds was 2.
I met someone, got engaged and had dd who is 3.
Ex dp admitted he was jealous when I announced my pregnancy!
He and his fiancee have just announced their first pregnancy and I can honestly say I feel nothing.
I thought I would but I don't.

Maybe that's closure?