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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be baptised again?

69 replies

Espii · 21/10/2014 10:06

I was baptised as a baby, honestly, I was quite angry at this a few years ago, i wasn't given a choice. I stopped going to church, i stopped praying. I feel kind of empty, like something's missing, I feel like if I get baptised, this time of my own choice, and start going to church and being one with God again, I might be able to feel something.
I also want to get married in a catholic church so thats a big thing for me
I don't know what to do. I will be doing this on my own and I'm a bit scared, scared I won't really feel part of it after trying to be in the congregation.
I just want to weigh up my options really, i don't really know. AIBU to be baptised again?

OP posts:
DreamingofSummer · 21/10/2014 11:23

Hi Espii

As another Catholic I'm glad to see you're exploring the faith - sorry you're getting the negative remarks

Please go and talk to your parish priest or one of his team. They will have all the information you need. I suspect that if you have been properly baptised they'll advise you to look at Communion/Confirmation together. If you are not ready to take this step, then they'll recommend an adult faith course.

If you haven't been properly baptised, they'll advise on the right course to go through.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 21/10/2014 11:30

If you are a baptised catholic and have made your first holy communion then you don't NEED to do anything, you could start going to mass and take communion no problems. If you have a need to start a fresh with God, which I understand BTW, then you could ask about a RCIA course, this will lead to a confirmation, or 'receiving into' the church as it is sometimes called. At our church they are usually done at Easter, and it is a lovely celebration of new faith. Might that be of interest? BTW, ignore your FIL. You do what you feel is right for you.

Original poster
Espii · 21/10/2014 11:32

My local church is doing a "become catholic" course in November. I emailed and asked if it was worth turning up or just going to speak to the priest.
dreaming I just want to become part of a congregation, be able to escape and talk to God. I want to be married in a catholic church, and I want to be able to explore the faith I was born into.
I'll just ask
thanks guys

OP posts:
Original poster
Espii · 21/10/2014 11:33

miss I think thats more what I'm looking for aye :)

OP posts:
BrokenButNotFinished · 21/10/2014 11:35

There is only one act of baptism in the CofE and the Catholic Church - although I think I'm correct in saying that the former recognises the latter's baptism, but not vice versa. Other non-denominational churches may practice adult baptism regardless.

I agree with the suggestion of a confirmation group, where you are likely to meet other adults who have similar doubts and hopes etc - and from there you're likely to get roped in to all manner of volunteering... Offertory plate, sidesman etc. It's more than a welcome group though, it's a place to discuss faith, belief and practice. We talked through the Nicene Creed in ours, in a supportive setting. And when it came to the confirmation itself (by a Bishop, at an Easter Vigil) it was quite moving: "Broken: God has called you by name!"

I know you're saying that there is only one Catholic Church near you, but do bear in mind that one needs to find a place in which you're comfortable. I attend a 'high' CofE church, in a liberal Anglo-Catholic tradition. Coming from a Catholic background, it feels right for me, without actually being the Catholic Church.

As for your future in-law: he sounds very rude and an arse. What's he going to be like if you have children?? It's really not his business. Great are the mysteries of faith...

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2014 11:39

worra I will be going tomorrow to see if I can speak to him Grin

Good luck Smile

But it might be an idea to ring and make an appointment first.

BrokenButNotFinished · 21/10/2014 11:40

Just to clarify: I know there's more of a spread of practice in the CofE, but I suspect that different Catholic churches vary a bit in ethos depending on the clergy, demographic of the congregation etc...

Original poster
Espii · 21/10/2014 13:22

worra thank you Grin
broken I was brought up in the catholic ethos and don't really know any different teachings CofE might have.

OP posts:
redexpat · 21/10/2014 13:25

Perhaps start with the alpha course. Then if you have established that the gap in your life is faith based, then you discuss ceremonies with a priest.

BrokenButNotFinished · 21/10/2014 14:09

Slight sidetrack: I have discovered elsewhere that the RC & Anglican churchs do mutually recognise each other's baptisms...although Catholics are welcome to take communion in the CofE, but not vice versa (unless baptised in the Catholic church, as I am). Must be that transubstantiation...

weegiemum · 21/10/2014 14:17

Espii, both dh and I were baptised as infants.

We chose not to have our dcs baptised.

After many years both of us decided the time was right to undergo full immersion baptism as adults. We chose to reject our infant baptisms as we hadn't been able to consent.

We did, and our dc were "dedicated" on the same day.

If your first baptism was as an infant, I'd not hesitate in recommending baptism, but that's going to affect your relationship with your own church.

SquattingNeville · 21/10/2014 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenButNotFinished · 21/10/2014 14:31

Which church was that, Weegie?

I'm not a fan of infant baptism myself. My older one chose herself to be baptised at 7. I think the younger one will do the same. It brings an element of free will to it.

vdbfamily · 21/10/2014 14:53

my husband was baptised as a baby as a sort of superstitious thing really as his parents are quite anti-Christian. He became a Christian at university and was rebaptised in the North Sea! Baptism is a symbolic thing and I know a few people who have chosen to be rebaptised as adults as they felt that either they had no choice as a baby or had rebelled quite badly and wanted to symbolically recommit themselves to God. Chat to your priest but I would be very surprised if he agreed to rebaptise you. Maybe a confirmation class or Alpha type course would be more helpful.

Fabulassie · 21/10/2014 15:00

If you've been validly baptised in any Christian church, the Catholic Church won't baptise you again. (A valid Christian baptism uses water and is done "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, which most Christian sects do.)

Confirmation before/after communion varies. I've seen it done both ways.

KnackeredMuchly · 21/10/2014 15:05

People are not correct about the 'order' of Baptism/Confirmation/Communion. It differed in different parishes.

I was always taught that a Confirmation was a baptism you made yourself. You were confirming your beliefs at an age you felt responsible enough to do.

(There is a little theological debate about whether or not you should Confirm before your Holy Communion)

ImperialBlether · 21/10/2014 15:12

Knackered, I don't think it differs in Catholic parishes. Communion always comes before Confirmation.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 21/10/2014 15:12

Sorry but in roman Catholic religion it IS baptism/communion/confirmation there is no variant on that.

But they won't baptise you twice.

ImperialBlether · 21/10/2014 15:18

But OP, the problem is that you are angry that you weren't given a choice about being baptised. Virtually nobody is - they catch them young so they can't complain!

I was always told you were baptised very young in case you died, so that you didn't go to limbo. Limbo seems to have gone out of fashion now, doesn't it?

squoosh · 21/10/2014 15:23

Thankfully I think the Vatican now says that babies who die before being baptised zap straight up to heaven, bypassing limbo. Although I think for some older Catholics (my mother's generation) I think it's hard for them to erase the idea of limbo for unbaptised babies.

ImperialBlether · 21/10/2014 15:28

My mother had a son who died just a few days old and she was comforted by the fact he'd been baptised (early, because he was clearly very ill.) In a way that's great, that she could gain comfort from that, but when you think of it the other way around, if he'd died before baptism, she would have suffered so much more. Now that is terrible. I can't imagine any kind of god who would give a damn whether a new baby was baptised before death.

squoosh · 21/10/2014 15:30

Oh yes, telling people their baby would spend eternity in limbo was beyond cruel.

firesidechat · 21/10/2014 15:31

I can't imagine any kind of god who would give a damn whether a new baby was baptised before death.

I'm reasonably sure that God doesn't mind. It's just humans making it so complicated and stuff.

KnackeredMuchly · 21/10/2014 15:47

Ach, I'm gping to have to ask my Mother but I am certain my brother, or I had a Confirmation first. About 20-25 years ago. We were certainly different because we moved diocese and I always thought Confirmation first made more sense.

I see that nowadays attitude is shifting- www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2011/01/26/archbishop-puts-confirmation-before-communion/

Will remain annoyed till I can 'confirm' whether I was Confirmed first!!

dancestomyowntune · 21/10/2014 15:48

I was recently confirmed, along with my Dd (11). She was Christened as a baby and had been asking to be confirmed since she was about 8.

This was a C of E 'high' church and we attended approx 6 confirmation classes prior to the day, which also included taking communion for the first time.

All of my children have been Christened as babies. I do not see that as taking their choice away from them but making promises on their behalf until they are able to make those decisions for themselves. If they choose not to confirm those beliefs then that is entirely up to them. As I have already said, Dd1 first expressed an interest in confirmation several years ago ands I made her wait until I felt she fully understood what she was confirming. In our classes she was the youngest, in a group of approx 12, most elf whom were adults, and 1 of which was an octogenarian.

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