in feeling more worried, the more reassuring the doctor was being?

[kentishgirl]

Hello

I feel a bit silly posting this here but I feel I can't discuss in real life as so many of the people I know are dealing with real/serious health issues, and at the moment, this is probably not. I don't want to worry anyone unnecessarily, or feel a fool for making too much of nothing.

I've had a lump in my neck for the last couple of months. I assumed it was an enlarged gland from a bit of an infection, and then a blocked/swollen salivary gland as it seems to get bigger and throbs a bit when I eat certain foods. Otherwise no pain and you can't see any lump from outside my neck - it's only from pressing on it when it was reacting to food that I knew it was there. OK, so it didn't sort itself out as I thought it would, so I went to my GP.

He examined me and said he thought it was a cyst. He is referring me as an urgent appointment to the ENT dept at the local hospital for a scan/biopsy for a proper diagnosis. Urgent referrals are standard practice, he tells me, for any lump that's been there for more than 3 weeks. He also said that if he thought it was anything more sinister, he would tell me. Twice.

So why am I now worrying?
I don't know this doctor at all so I can't 'read' him.
So now I'm wondering why he was stressing the 'more sinister' thing, obviously referring to cancer, when I'd not mentioned it as a worry.
Also, he examined me when I was standing up, with him standing in front of me. When he finished he did a 'reassurance thing' - he sort of took hold of both my shoulders, gave them a little shake and a couple of pats and said 'Don't worry, we'll take care of you'. That's really on my mind.

Am I being silly in reading more into this? Maybe he thought I was bound to be worrying about cancer (yes, I know lumps can be, but I don't go looking for trouble or imagining stuff, I'll just wait and see. It's more likely to be something harmless, of course it was at the back of my mind but I'd rather cross that bridge if I come to it) so was trying to be reassuring. But his being all reassuring has made me suspicious that maybe there is more to it than he said...why the sympathy pats and 'we'll take care of you' if it is just a cyst?

I know I've just got to wait for the appointment (will be within 2 weeks) but I don't want to be worrying about it until I know for sure. But now I am...

I am glad you went along to see your GP and he took this whatever it is seriously. It's always difficult when you are seeing a different doctor and haven't yet built up a rapport. What you saw as sympathy pats, another patient might have read as reassurance.

Just playing devil's advocate, I wonder had he been more detached and matter of fact, might you have felt he was being brusque or dismissive?

I don't think you're being 'silly' for trying to analyse his response, I'd do the same.

I am guessing from your post that you were very anxious and he was trying to reassure you. Some doctors like people in general can be very good at picking up the vibes and would gave wanted to put you at ease. Or this could just be his "bedside manner". You are no being silly but are probably, understandable trying to go through the options.
How would you have felt if he had performed exam, tapped away on pc and told you he was going to refer you with less eye contact, verbal/non-verbal communication?
Hope things go ok.

Ps ime people who are battling health issues of their own don't usually mind someone else alluding to their own concerns, takes their mind off things for a few moments. It's natural to downplay our own ailments but if it's something worrying you, 'a worry shared', etc.

The thing is I really wasn't anxious about it. Went to see him as yes, you should go see doctor about a lump, but I was quite convinced it was something minor. So feeling quite blase about it.

Maybe I was in denial that it could possibly be more serious, and this has made me face up to the fact that it might be (even though he said he didn't think it was) and that's why I'm feeling weird about it all now.

I don't like cold and clinical, but it was as though he was trying too hard, do you know what I mean?

Please don't worry. My ex had a BIG lump on his neck and he was sent to oncology for tests and it was a blocked salivary gland.

But I also had a lump on my abdomen, and every Dr I saw about it went out of their way to reassure/soothe me. (It turned out to be endometriosis.) I had hugs and cuddles from everyone. And they were all people who did NOT think it was serious. So I honestly think that some medical people are just really sweet and kind.

Aw, he sounds lovely. Maybe he misread you and felt you needed reassuring?

I think I miss my old doctor. Was with him for 20 years and he was fantastic. If he'd said that, I'd have believed him, because he was always very straight with you and didn't talk down to you at all. This one didn't exactly talk down to me, but all the allusions to 'more serious' and the reassuring/sympathetic wobbling made it feel like he was underplaying it/trying to not worry me - so I'm thinking, why? It must be hard for new docs as well, he doesn't know me, how well I can take in information, if I'm anxious or not, if I'm a soft-soap or give it to me straight person. Trying to think he was just trying to be nice but didn't quite get it right for me.

I had hugs and cuddles from everyone.

Think I'll re-register with your surgery!

Well if you weren't worried before going to the doctor then there is no reason you should be worried now.

Most people visiting a doctor because of a lump are worried and many of them are worried about cancer, so I guess his reassurance was on that basis.

I went to the doctor with a lump that did turn out to be cancer - at no point in my DX did any medical professional try to falsely reassure me, they all said they thought it was very likely cancer and the biopsies etc. were to make certain and get the details of type etc. IME HCP's do not give false reassurances.

I am no doctor but I think cysts feel different to cancerous lumps, but they always refer on these days and the two week urgent thing is standard.

I think your doctor assumed you were worried and was trying to reassure you, he got it slightly wrong as it has made you concerned, but I don't think you should attach any meaning to his reassurance other than the straightforward one - i.e. he doesn't think it is sinister.

I would probably be the same as you, but a healthcare professional isn't likely to give false reassurances - what would be the purpose of that? It would be hugely unfair on you for him to give you false hope if he really thought it was something serious.

I suspect that some GPs must experience a degree of frustration when all they can do for a patient is refer them elsewhere - if you're a highly trained caring professional, turning someone away without giving them any help or answers must be really hard. So perhaps he just felt that reassuring you was all he was able to do in a situation where he wasn't able to offer a formal diagnosis or anything more useful.