how much to ask for rent , etc

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my dd is 21 and has a part time job , with overtime it is nearly full time , last month she brought home £795 , so nearly £200 a week , wibu to ask for £30 a week to cover food,electric and gas , she buys her own clothes etc , what is a reasonable amount to ask , and how do others work it out .

health Lol, I'm harsh though ha. My folks actually did the 50% thing and then (I had no idea they were going to do this) did actually give it me back later when i was needing money for a deposit. It was a lovely surprise!

£50 a week is very reasonable

Its not about 'doing things differently' its about respect for your ADULT child who earns their own money and has a right to do with it what they want as long as they are making reasonable contribution to the household financially and domestic duties wise. Its actually financial abuse for another adult to unilaterally decide that another adult needs to save and to either impose that on them or to 'check' up on them or to put emotional duress on them. Its different if you can afford it to say they don't have to pay anything or to give them a lump sum for a deposit or help them on the property market.

£50 sounds more than fair to me.

Basically, I'd expect her to behave as though she was flatting - ie sharing responsibility with the other resident adults for keeping the house tidy, and paying her way, but you're giving her a discount on the 'rent'.

I think £50 a week is reasonable. How lovely to be 21 with money in your pocket. She'll probably have years and years with far less disposable income when she has her own place and starts a family. Let her have some fun now.

I think most people are suggesting treating them like an adult Letitbee, by suggesting they pay their own way, as all adults have to, rather than still paying their bills for them, as you would for a child. Where there is a difference is how much less you should ask them for, as they are your child. In the same way you'd do 'mates rates' if you were using your work skills to do a job for a mate - people are debating how much to discount away from what a commercial rate would be for board and lodgings. The thing about then being lucky enough to be in a financial position to be able to help them out with some money when they leave home, is a bit of a red herring to the original question, people are just saying that's what they'd do if they didn't actually need the money now to pay the bills.

If that person is giving them a huge discount on their rent for them to be able to save, I don't see anything wrong with making sure you know for sure that they're actually saving. A parent will know when their child is lying. I wasn't suggesting OP rifles through her bank account.

Otherwise you're leaving yourself open to be taken for a ride.

£30 a week - would that even cover food and her share of bills, let alone an element for rent i.e. having use of the house? What would she pay in a house share locally? I think it is sensible to charge an amount comparable to what she pay for an equivalent deal elsewhere, otherwise she will not learn to value what she has and will also never move out

To put it in perspective when I left home 25 years ago I paid £45 for lodgings, which covered a single room, use of bathroom, and washing machine, and breakfast and evening meal. I was 16 so paid for that out of saturday and evening work. I imagine the same would cost far more now.

I'd ask for £300 a month if it covers all utilities and the overtime is regular and reliable.

Not to be rude but she is 21, she needs to pull her finger out and get a proper full time job with a decent wage. Even at min wage she should be making just over £1100 a month.

How long does she plan to live with you for?

worserevived think dh is worried if she has it too easy at home she will never leave , seems like £50 a week is fair then , if she does blow all the rest thats up to her , im sure she will for the first few months , if it looks like long term shes not saving for a deposit on a flat then ill whack her rent up :) .

A lot of people on here must be rich. I could not afford to keep an adult for £30/week. As it is DH and I will need to move to a one-bed flat once we lose tax credits and CB or they'd need to provide full cost for an extra room, council tax, food and bills.

not unreasonable at all.
just make sure that all children (if there are more) are treated the same so no resentments build.

It's just relative and depends on the family income and depends what else they do for the family. I don't think you can answer this with a general answer. I don't charge those who live here but they are all doing well, one lets her flat out and is saving and the other is his brother's nanny/au pair/school collector/cook. I feel I get the best said of the bargain actually in having them here.

myfurbyisalive shes been there 2 months and they are slowly building her hours up , i would rather she was earning that than nothing , i dont know how long she plans to live at home .

Those of you who are suggesting "one-third", were you thinking of that as before or after deductions?

I think it does depend both the overall household budget and what the DC is otherwise doing with the money. A student who is home for the holidays in a home where there is no need for any money, then maybe no payment is appropriate. On the other hand, if the young person is living there and earning that wage on a permanent basis, and things are otherwise tight financially, then a fair amount would closer to the actual cost of renting a similar room in a nearby house.

If you are asking for a contribution, then £30 sounds small.

As for giving it back to them, I do know people who have taken rent from grown-up DCs, and then spent the same amount (or more) on something like a course or a car.

After. One third of my take home - minus over time, after a fight.

It meant I left home quite quickly - more freedom, no extra cost!

And I never got a penny of it back. Not sure why that seems to be the in thing these days. parents seem to have loads more money, maybe!

Depends on the family finances surely? If you can't afford a child without tax credits and CB then it stands to reason that as soon as they lose those they will have no choice but to get work and pay board.

The rent and bills are probably the same with or without an adult child so it's only good that's extra. Why not just work out how much you spend extra on food?

DS will be able to liver with is rent free when he's older as its his family home but I would expect him to put a decent amount into savings whilst doing so. It's either that or we will charge but save it for when he moves out to give him a head start on life alone.

i really dont think it does them any good at all if you dont charge anything or save it for them and give it back , even if you can afford it .

The rent and bills are probably the same with or without an adult child

Not IME Daisy

Since ds left for university:

• nobody leaves windows open for 24 hours right above a radiator they've turned up because they were cold earlier.

-nobody goes down in the night for a 'snack' and leaves the oven on after c cooking said pizza

• nobody leaves the freezer door not quite shut after getting said pizza
• nobody has 2 x 20min showers per day
• there are probably, on average, 4 gadgets less plugged in to charge at any one time
• far fewer breakages
• less washing / tumble drying

oh, how I could go on. It's great

It depends on what they are otherwise doing with the money. If they are saving for a deposit, then by not charging they get their quicker.

If they are simply spending the money, then it is actually helpful to charge as there is less to "blow"!

One third of take-home pay sounds a reasonable way to work it out. I like the idea of one-third save, one-third spend and one-third as contribution.

healthwarning - I think the people talking about 'giving it back' are suggesting that if you don't need it, then it's lovely to be able to help them out with solicitors fees or a bit towards their deposit when they do move out, rather than having it sit in your bank account until you die, and then they will probably inherit it anyway?

My parents did this when I bought my first home... paid my legal costs for me. It was a lovely surprise, I didn't know they'd been putting my "keep" by in the months they didn't need it. I'd learnt to budget, I was aware how much of my salary would need to go on things like rent, bills, food, because my parents had asked me for a realistic amount from the day I started work. I'd not got the idea I'd ever have hundreds just to spend on fun things, so it wasn't a shock when I moved out.

I'd love to be able to do this for my dc too.

OTOH, if they were on a very low income, and they wanted to do something sensible like have driving lessons, then I'd be prepared to 'charge' them a lower rate to enable them to pay for the lessons, if I didn't need the cash to pay the bills.

Of course it's all about doing things differently. Some people charge their DC rent and keep the money for themselves and some people take the money and save it up for them for when they do move out. IME those that put the money away rather than keep it for themselves do tend to not tell their DC that's what they've done. It's usually a surprise for them to have the money given back when they do move out.

If you think that giving the money back later on is strange and pointless or whatever, just remember that some lucky bastards don't pay any rent at all.

But you know, whatever works for you...

we wouldnt be keeping the money for our selves it will be paying for food etc that she is using , i think giving them the money back isnt teaching them about real life , i wouldnt say they were lucky who pay nothing , i would feel no pride if i never paid my way .