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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with exH for travelling with sick DD?

21 replies

CloudiaPickle · 19/10/2014 22:18

DD is 8 and was due to go to her fathers for contact this weekend. She was sick there several times on Friday night yet he proceeded to continue with his plans (driving 2.5 hrs away to go shopping with his GF)on the sSaturday despite DD suffering from travel sickness and sothe 5 hours of ttravelling making her feel even worse. She was sick several times last night too so we'll be missing work/school tomorrow which I'm sure could've been avoided if he'd just let her rest yesterday.

A few months ago DD missed a Friday at school because she had d&v. He collected her for contact still and promised her she could rest, yet still the next day he took her on a 6 hour round journey which resulted in DD returning more ill than she left and us missing work/school again. She tells him she is too ill too travel and he ignores her. When I've said as much, he says the journey is resting Hmm

AIBU to think it's not on to be dragging around a sick child all weekend and to keep her here to recover properly next time she's ill?

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 19/10/2014 22:20

Poor kid.
I wonder how he would like to be dragged around the country shopping when he is ill? He sounds horrible.

I agree - if she is too ill to travel she should stay at home with you.

Original poster
CloudiaPickle · 20/10/2014 09:33

Would this hold up in court if I did it next time though? I've always been of the opinion that both parents should be able to care for a sick child, but he's demonstrated that he clearly isn't. But I don't see why I should then have to sacrifice my plans with her (the following weekend, for example) by swapping because he's incapable of looking after her.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 20/10/2014 09:45

TBH I am not sure.
I do know that it is very important to communicate in writing/email so that everything is documented.
Maybe get this thread moved to single parents or legal as you will get proper advice there, rather than the bunfight that usually ensues on this board.

ghostyslovesheep · 20/10/2014 09:53

Hmmm honestly I'm not sure he's being so awful - maybe she wanted to go shopping? Also you can rest in a car do six hours is a good long rest. You don't know she would have been well today

It's not the greatest parenting ever I agree but try not to over react

ghostyslovesheep · 20/10/2014 09:54

And I really dislike when people have a dig at this place ... There is really no need - if you want a good balanced view

I am a lone parent btw

Trollsworth · 20/10/2014 09:56

As someone who suffers travel sickness, I think he's been awful. Doesn't he understand that he's inflicting unnecessary illness on her?

Idontseeanysontarans · 20/10/2014 10:01

Problem is Ghosty that travel sickness on it's own completely drains you I've always found and on top of not feeling well anyway it will be a lot worse.
It's really not very restful at all.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/10/2014 10:01

Well even if she wanted to go she shouldn't be our and about If she's been sick just a few hours before. Only an idiot would drag out an already sick child who also suffers from travel sickness so a drive wouldn't be a rest. He was being incredibly selfish and as am adult surely the GF can cope shopping on her own? If it was an urgent trip for food he could have just gone down the local shop for a loaf of bread.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/10/2014 10:03

So no Yanbu.

I understand occasionally there's little choice and a LP just has to do their best and minimise risk as much as possible.

But a social event with a partner can wait.

lumpyparcel · 20/10/2014 10:08

Poor girl. :( How is she doing?
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Is the contact arranged through court or solicitor agreement? Are you on speaking terms with him? Could you just drop him a little message saying that your DD was upset at having to be in the car while poorly and that he ignored her?

FreeSpirit89 · 20/10/2014 10:11

Have you posted about this before? I'm sure I remember a similar post.

Poor girl, if she's ill in future maybe keep her home. It's obvious he's not worried about her

Original poster
CloudiaPickle · 20/10/2014 10:11

She hates shopping and hates car travel because of the travel sickness so travelling when already ill with d&v to go shopping was the last thing she wanted to do - as she told him. I agree, Giles, that even if a childsays tthey're well enough to do something then it should be disregarded if they've been sick - she said last night she'd be fine for school today. 14 hours later she's still asleep.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 20/10/2014 10:15

Bless her. I hope the sleep helps.

I also agree that you shouldn't have to cancel all your plans be case a parent can't be trusted to be a parent for two days. He's had all week/fortnight ffs. Could have booked a days holiday or gone the weekend he didn't have her. Part of being a parent is realising plans don't always work out and whereas 95% of the time plans can be re jiggled or adapted for a change in circumstances, occasionally they just need cancelling and it's a no brainer. Sick child=stay home and look after sick child

Eva50 · 20/10/2014 10:24

Hopefully he and his girlfriend will catch it and he will be more careful next time.

starlight1234 · 20/10/2014 10:26

Likely hood of this happening regularly is remote.

I would should it happen again tell him she is to ill to travel to him. I am a LP and at times we have had to go out when DS is poorly to go to chemist pick up basic food.

I feel dreadful as all DS wants to do is be at home on the sofa or in bed.

Did you post before about taking DD to a concert I seem to remember something very simular

Original poster
CloudiaPickle · 20/10/2014 10:39

She wasn't ill when she left though starlight. It's been three times in six months which is a lot considering its only a few days a month he sees her

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 20/10/2014 10:43

He sounds like an utter dick, tbh. :(

kerstina · 20/10/2014 12:05

This seems like child abuse to me. Very, very cruel to take a child feeling sick to start with on a car journey when she also suffers with car sickness. I would be fuming. I presume the posters who think that this is not a big deal have never had travel sickness.
I find studgerone travel sickness pills very effective have you ever given her medicine?

Original poster
CloudiaPickle · 20/10/2014 22:40

An accurate assessment there, Thumbwitch - sadly for DD.

Kerstina we tend to travel by train if any further than a 20 minute journey to avoid car sickness. He just ignores her complaints and does as he likes.

OP posts:
PiperIsOrange · 20/10/2014 22:45

What a fucking idiot, taking a child with D&V shopping. Not only is it very unfair on DD but there could be someone who is immunosuppressant and a bug like this could kill them.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/10/2014 00:56

What would the twat have done if she was sick or had an accident while shopping, talk about embarrassing for the poor girl.

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