To ask for advice - changing my name

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Here is my situation. My mum wanted a 'unique' name for me; she did this by combining two names which in themselves were/are unusual. I am the only person I have ever met with my name, although internet searches confirm there are more than one of us.

There are two issues with my name. The first one is that it gives me no anonymity at all, to the point where I almost don't need a surname. The second is that while neither of the names my Mum used to make 'my' name are common, one is more common than the other and when written down looks remarkably similar to my name with the result that a lot of people call me this name. Many people genuinely don't seem to think there's any difference, even though they are said differently.

The logical thing might be to use 'that' name,except I HATE it. Really, really loathe it - probably at least partly because I've spent half my life being called it and it isn't me, but also it's got a horrible 'sound' to it.

I don't have a middle name.

Since my name often draws unwanted attention I have largely negative associations with it. Just the same, I quite like it, and the meanings nice.

But I have seriously considered changing it.

I wonder - how could I ask friends who have known me for twenty years plus to 'stop calling me Mary, call me jane' (obviously NOT my names!) How to explain on job applications (I need enhanced DBS checks.) It just seems in a sense too much trouble.

On the other hand I quite like the thought of choosing a new, normal name and just blending in ... bliss. But can you just shrug off over thirty years identify?

Any thoughts?

(PS - I know it's so tempting to play guess the name; please don't! For privacy purposes!)

I had a friend who changed her name as an adult. Her family I think continued to call her her birth given name, as a courtesy to her parents and it would have been too weird maybe for them. She also gave friends the option of continuing to use birth name privately, but actually we all just accepted the new name, bit odd at first but soon got used to it. I didn't even question her reasons why, assumed it must be important to her so went along with it.

I think she just did deed poll, changed everything official and introduced herself as 'new name' to new acquaintances until it bedded in a bit. Wasn't as big a deal as you'd think. I guess on job applications you'd just have to write 'previously known as' for a time somewhere on the form.

I do recall her parents were quite upset, which is probably par for the course, but she was happier. Like you, original name unusual, people mispronounced, went for a lovely classic name, though a lot more common.

Ahh crap I want to know the name so bad! I've known a few people change their surname via deedpoll, no fuss at all to change it. The fuss comes when you have to send off the certificate to EVERYONE (bank, doctors, council, landlord, etc etc etc and then the little things you don't think of like shops you have store cards with, update any IDs, etc) which is a pita for sure! (DH went through it years ago and theres STILL post that comes with the wrong name that we've forgotten to inform)

I've only come across one person who changed their first name, because he turned from woman to man, and that was hard at first for us all not only to say the new name but also to say he not she, but we're used to it now and it would seem funny saying the old name even though I knew him by that name decades longer!

This post is such a load of waffle but what I'm trying to say is it's you that's got to live with the name so change it if you want to!

I think surnames are quite different though, partly because it's quite common for people to change surnames (remarriage and so on) and also you don't tend to be known by your surname - not unless you're in the Army!

Both my parents have sadly died. I do have a brother (who incidentally has a very classic biblical name which has never really waived in popularity!) - he'd certainly find it strange. I also have many friends dating back to primary or secondary school who'd find it equally strange.

I think part of the problem is that people can't fully empathise unless they've had it themselves - the correcting people (and stil getting it wrong!) and just feeling conspicuous somehow!

I really want to know the name. Sorry, It's your name, change it to your preferred choice.

My niece changed her name at 16, from a lovely classical name, to a total chav name - I hate it, her mum hates it, the whole family hate it

but.... its her choice what she is called..

she says its because the old name reminds her of an unhappy childhood - I don't buy it personally

I changed my first name by deed poll when I was in my early 20s, over 30 yrs ago. I didn't really have my own first name, I was named after my birth mother who died having me, then when I was a little girl my father re-married and my first name was changed to that of my step-mother. It's little surprise that as an adult, I chose a name for myself.
I have been that name longer than any others and most people who know me do not know it's not been my name since birth! My father and other family members do call me by my chosen name even though I'd have understood if they didn't.

One of my friends changed her name in our late 20's due to religious reasons.

She is a Jewish convert and wanted to move to Israel, her name had no Hebrew translation so she changed her name to the Hebrew version of her middle name.

It was pretty hard at first. She totally refused to be addressed or answer to her original name.

We found, as friends, the trick was to refer to her with her new name when we where talking about her as well as to her.

Her old name now seems weird and doesn't fit.

Go for it but you will have to be quite firm with people who use your old name.

I think you should change it.

You would simply add another piece of paperwork to the usual stuff when applying for jobs or whatever - your deed poll cert.

It clearly matters to you enough to think it through - in five years time, I think you'd be very glad that you did.

My auntie changed her first name as an adult. Her grandparents carried on calling her by the old name but everyone else knows er by the new name.

People will get used to it.

mygrandchildrenrock- no wonder you wanted to change your name!

op- I know nothing about it, I'm finding it hard enough trying to get my head round changing back to my maiden name and everything that goes with it! but it sounds like it's very important to you so go for it! people will get used to it!

I wish it was that straightforward :) I suppose it is technically but emotionally not so easy.

I'd obviously change it to something fairly bland and easy - so in a sense I'm asking myself the question - do I want to blend in, or not? It's amazing the amount of attention a 'strange' name has got.

Googling people with my first name on the internet brings hits of a renowned artist, physiotherapist, Cambridge university student - and me. We are a clever bunch

But I do get tired of correcting people, and any mistakes I make being remembered forevermore.

I can sympathise with wanting a new name.

I've never changed my name, but I'm 46 now. However, this name I have is unusual, and when first name and surname are together, pretty much unique in the country. So I get what it's like.

These days, most people can spell the first name correctly, but it was a different case back in the 70s, as so many people had never heard the name.

But the difference is I like my name. I can, however, guarantee that if I've sent out an email to large number of people, as I sometimes have to do at work, I'll get 3-4 views on my LinkedIn profile during the following week, people I only know by their email address.

I do keep my various social media locked down, with the exception of LinkedIn, which is limited in any case to my work and volunteer activities.

If you find a name you like, then go ahead if it will make you feel happier.

I'm not sure ... But thanks for understanding :)

I get emails back with a different name entirely

Funnily enough my name I am called by (not my name) is almost revered on Mumsnet! I don't trust Mumsnet though with names!

Oh now I am curious about your name if it's a MN favourite!

In all seriousness, I can completely understand why you want to change your name but also why you're a bit torn about actually going for it.

I would go with what makes you happiest, your brother could still call you by your current name after all.

Since you don't have a middle name, perhaps you could add one, and then just ask people to call you by that name.