To get in touch with a dietician re DD

[wontstopeating]

Dd is 16. She has always had a good appetite and I was worried at one point she was going to get fat but she went on a diet two years ago (in year 10.) Then she put weight on again in y11. I wouldn't give her any money as she just spent it on junk but now she's in college and working part time.

She eats chocolate, crisps, sweets like they're going out of fashion. Hoovers up kebabs and macdonalds. She must have gained 3 stone this last year. I've repeatedly told her and cook healthy food but she turns her nose up at it. She also drinks ridiculous amounts of diet cola.

I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

It's a really tricky age to bring up these things - as much as you'd like her to lose weight you don't want it to become an issue. I'd sit her down and just ask her if everything's Ok. Give her a few clear minutes of absolute silence if need be. Quite often by the time the parents have picked up on an issue the child could have been bottling it up for months.

If she tells you she's not happy with her weight gain then you can offer support in healthier eating but it's all been her idea.

If she says everything's fine maybe just leave it for a bit and try again a few weeks later.

Definitely go in on a health angle though not aesthetics. (if and when you do)

She just says everything is fine. She won't eat in front of me but I find the wrappers so I know what she's been having. When I confront her she says it's none of my business.

Im tempted to stop her working but it didn't make any difference last year as she just ate loads of whatever was in the house.

It must be very worrying for you, but at 16, she is old enough to make her own mind up about what she eats.

You just carry on cooking and offering healthy food (set a good example), don't have any junk food in the house and that way, she is making her own choices.

If and when she comes to you and talks about her weight, then be supportive and ask her what you can do to help. The more you push, the more she will continue to eat crap and try and hide it from you.

Is it possible that the issue is not her weight? It sounds as if you've talked to her about healthy eating. She knows she's overweight, she knows she's not eating healthily (hence the secrecy), the question is what is driving her to behave like this?
Is she stressed or anxious? Lacking in friendships or self confidence? Caught in an unattractiveness spiral? I'd focus more on her emotional we'll bring than on the eating itself

I don't know. Did well in gcses, enjoying college. I think she just likes junk and dislikes exercise.

I was the same at 16 - it was a combination of control (the first time I had my own cash and could choose what to spend it on,including limitless 'treats') and unresolved hunger.

The control thing (I think) was normal (I watched all my friends do the same and go on a year long binge of coke, chocolate, kebabs, and Pringles once they got Uni) but the hunger was something else.

Teenage boys in my experience are allowed to be hungry and eat to satisfy it - large steaks, whole chickens, bowlfuls of nutritious food but as a girl this would have got me looks and comments from my peer group. So I drank diet soda, ate diet yogurt, had smaller portions of the filling stuff (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, cheese) in public and then fed the hunger when nobody was looking. Feeding it on the good stuff would have required preparation (giving time for people to notice and comment) whereas chocolate could be easily smuggled.

Of course my parents noticed the junk consumption and so started to comment and look out for my smuggling in chocolate and sweets so I moved to fast food whenever possible - no preparation, instantly consumed and gone without a trace and, sadly, addictive. I got fat.

I starved myself when I got to 18 (I still remember it well 20 years later - an egg for breakfast, nothing for lunch, and a half can of tuna in brine with spring onions and half a chopped egg on a bowl of lettuce leaves every night combined with a lot of running) and made everyone happy. No more comments - I was thin and 'eating healthily' now and while my parents had been eagle eyed on my eating junk at 16 they magically didn't notice my absent lunches.

I continued to yo yo for the next 5 years, binging and starving alternately. Then something changed, I tried one if the many low carb high protein diets around (eating like a man, Henry VIII, to be precise) and noticed that for the first time in my life I didn't feel hungry and my weight stabilised. I realised what I understood until then had clearly been wrong, gave myself a break and ate proper 'manly' food instead of the diet alternatives and have never looked back. I do still get comments though: 'surely you can't eat all that and stay slim','are you bulimic or something?'.

Apologies for the epic ness of my post, your OP clearly struck a chord with me. Just suggesting that it might be a physical issue, hunger, particularly that she has already been on a diet by 16, in addition to a love for (addictive) junk food.

Ps. Exercise is another way of attracting unwanted comments - I run three times a week now and still get the odd one but it was much worse as a teen. I didn't run then because of it.

I was the same at 16. One of the most humiliating moments in my life was my mother, driving home from school, telling me "I am going to send you to a nutritionist".
I was overweight, not stupid. I knew perfectly well that sweets, chocolate bars and litres of regular Coke, without any form of exercise (I was at boarding school and we were not allowed outside) would not make me slim.

At the same time, nothing changed in the family lifestyle : very carb-heavy, hardly ever protein, crisps before every meal at the weekend, no outdoor activities ever.

Your DD is 16, not 6. You cannot make her change her diet. It must be very hard to see her self-harming with food, but if I were you I wouldn't do anything unless she asks for your help. Just keep setting a good example by offering healthy food.

she is allowed to be hungry, just like a boy. She is allowed to eat lots, just like a boy.

but she is on a zero-nutrition, high sugar diet so she's getting fat. She must know this, it is junior school science.

yo-yoing at her young age is very worrying. Something else going on? Can she be persuaded not to wreck her body with this lack of nutrition?

I was also the same. My bedroom floor was knee deep in Mr Kipling cake boxes. That said I can understand why you are worried. IMO nagging doesn't do anything nor will the words of a dietician. Support her in making better food choices but ultimately change has to come from her own free will.

I think you should visit the website for beat, the Eating Disorder charity to have a look at the info on Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia. Their carers'forums might be a good place to look for advice, their helpline is very good too. I strongly disagree with the 'there's nothing you can do' philosophy and early intervention brings the best chance of recovery from these illnesses.

I think a dietician is a good idea but it absolutely needs to be one specialising in Eating Disorders, otherwise could do more harm than good.

PS. The book 'Overcoming Binge Eating' by Christopher Fairburn might be helpful for you to read as well as your dd, it gives a good insight into the illness and treatment.

Could you forgot about the food part for now and try to find some exercise she does enjoy?

Maybe go along to a few classes with her to help with her confidence until she finds something she enjoys. There are so many different options. If she starts to exercise more she may start feeling better about herself and won't want to binge eat so much. Or, she Kat realise that if you exercise enough, you can eat loads and still stay quite slim - that is a good enough reason to do it!

She isn't ill? Or lacking in confidence or happiness or friends.

She is just eating a LOT. And it's the things that cause weight gain.

I would stop talking about it tbh. I did same sort of using at that age and started eating in secret because of parental disapproval.

I don't know your dd but the behaviours you mention - eating large quantities of food in secret, not eating in front of you, drinking large quantities of diet fizzy drinks, inability to eat healthy meals - are all symptoms of an Eating Disorder. If I were you, I'd look at further information on that.

Are you fit? Do you exercise? Do you eat junk? What food do you keep in the house? Sorry 101 questions!!

I agree with littlejohndory, and feel that secretive binging is a symptom of an eating disorder.

Early intervention is essential. Also zinc supplements. Try her on one with multi mineral and multi vitamins as well as chromium for blood sugar control. Patrick Holford optimal nutrition supplements are excellent, and also contain a gel cap of omega 3 oil for her brain.

Ask her if she'd like to learn horse riding with you? Something physical that you can enjoy together where she'll need some strength and looking after an animal (getting her out and about, and off fb) might be just the ticket.

i ate like a demon sub 20. all junk.
nothing else to contribute of use

lead by example. Can you do zumba together. Buy in a DVD. Can you educate her about health by watching documentaries together? Look

thinking about it some more. junk food is addictive. She's going from one sugar hit to another and her blood sugar levels are on a rollercoaster ride. theres a book called I quit sugar which would be a good start. First two weeks involve eating less sugar and using healthier sweetners like rice malt syrup to get the sweet hit without bloodsugar levels being all over the place. Lots of baking and protein. Maybe you could follow the book as a family so you are doing it together?