to want to get pregnant as a single woman?

[Carrierpenguin]

I have one dd, aged 3, she is wonderful. I've been single for two years, since my marriage ended. Dd was conceived via ivf, I can't conceive naturally. She sees her father regularly but he and I are unlikely to be a couple again, we didn't get on.

Before dh and I split up we had three rounds of ivf, all failed unfortunately. Although I'm single I'm still desperate to have another baby, so I had counselling earlier this year to see if I could resolve it but even now I'm still desperate to be pregnant again. My exh would be happy to have another ivf child with me, though he wouldn't contribute financially but I could afford it.

Alternatively I could use a sperm donor and ivf to get pregnant, I know the costs of this are high and having another child would be expensive but I would be able to afford it as I work and have savings.

Aibu to want to get pregnant as a single woman? When I had counselling the counsellor keep saying I may meet the man of my dreams next week, so don't do ivf alone, but I'm nearly 35 so not sure I want to risk waiting for Mr Right.

It's entirely up to you.
What feels right to you?

I actually know 3 women who have done this. All fine so far!

I would do it in a heartbeat. I would probably give it another year or two, but that's just me. You are you. Single parenthood is tough but parenting with another person is bloody tough too! It brings it's own challenges. Good luck!

I'd do it, too. And the "man of your dreams" won't be the man of your dreams if he didn't accept this decision/your future child.

I see no problem with your plan if you are financially solvent x c the IVF will not leave you in huge debt.

When I was mid thirties, newly divorced and single, I planned to do exactly the same.

Did you do it Greythorne?

I have given myself until I'm 40 to meet a man & have a baby (I'm 38 now). After that I will 'go it alone' to have a baby.

I think that if it's the right thing for you then go for it.

I had dc1 on first ivf. But now on 4th for a sibling. So i dont know as once you start its hard to stop as you have got more set on it.
I was also 30 with dc1 and 34-35 with later ivfs. Its cost 10K plus a lot of hassle.
Did they manage to sort out something on you 3rd go or was it more luck.
As i think we were just very lucky with DC1 and the clinic cant do anything to make it work due to pcos.
I certainly wouldnt be waiting around at 35 as fertility is decreasing, not sure but i assume if you went donor sperm it would take a while for a match..

Would your ex be an active figure in both children's lives?

Yanbu

Well, I've done it so I'd say YANBU.

However, if you have 3 failed cycles behind you, are you sure about putting yourself through IVF again? The answer of course could go either way, and I'm sure it's something you're already thinking about.

Thanks! The failed cycles were due to bad luck rather than a medical issue apparently. Exh has said he would be as much involved in the new babies life as he is with dd.

I think if I used donor sperm I could access it quickly it costs around £1k I think, in addition to the ivf. However I think this could be harder for a future child, as whilst dd would have a dad, they wouldn't...

I would do it in a heartbeat too.

If your ex is happy to be involved, would be donate? Then they'd be full siblings.

Id be more inclined to go with DH's sperm - I think it might be really difficult for one to have a 'dad' and one not. :) Other than that - can't see a problem, good luck.

Y.N.B.U. It's not only married and partnered women who get broody. Go for it.

Do it but I wouldnt hang around at 35. I did it would not look back. Just wish I had done it with all my DC and not bothered with a man

I am 36, and 27 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am single and used an anonymous donor from the USA. I got pregnant on my second round of IUI. I am lucky to have fantastic support from my family and friends, and live in an area with great facilities. I couldn't bear the thought of never being a mother, and while I would have loved to have met someone by now, it just hasn't happened yet. I'm so happy with my decision and can't wait to meet my baby!

Happy to answer any questions re donor etc, feel free to message me x

I had my second child on my own at nearly 41, I already had a DS who was 19 at the time. For me it wasn't that 'Mr Right' hadn't come along, (DH had died 6 years previously) at that point I didnt want to enter into another relationship

All has been fine but I have been able to finance my decsion myself, I certainly wouldn't of done it otherwise

Camsie30

I wish you all the best,

You would need to carefully consider the impact on your DD. The negatives of you goof through some more IVF cycles and pregnancy etc might be tough on her. In a way it could seem to her that she wasn't enough for you... I know lots of people want 2.3 whatever shildren but to go to the extent to have more IVF and a siren donar seems different somehow.

Can you afford a second child with no financial help? And all the IVF?

How would your younger child feel about not having a dad when your elder one does?

You are feeling so broody now that you are prepared to agree to things without thinking them through.
How much access is he going to have ? what about if he wants access at times when you don't eg xmas. Will him not contributing financially but having access eventually start to breed resentment?