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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want my children around drugs

20 replies

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 12:23

We have friends who run a relatively small music festival on their land, running over a few days and most people camp. We went for a number of years before we had children and once when the children were very small (we stayed in a hotel and only DH attended in the evening).

It's a great festival, but there are a lot of drugs around. Weed mostly, probably some acid too. I'm not a prude and have indulged in my pre-child years, but I feel uncomfortable taking the children somewhere where people are taking drugs and very obviously under the influence of drugs. Also, I feel like I would have to be on constant high alert and wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy the music. DH wants to camp, which is fine but I will end up stuck in the tent all evening as I wouldn't leave the children sleeping on their own.

I'm happy for DH to go on his own as I know he loves the music. He wants to take the children for the experience and doesn't see the drugs as much of an issue as long as we're watching them. I just don't think it's an appropriate place for children and he'd have a much better time on his own or even just the 2 of us if we could organise childcare. AIBU?

OP posts:

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/10/2014 12:29

I've done lots of small festivals with the kids in tow. Why would you have to sit in the tent? Surely they won't be going to bed at 7pm?

Drugs.... well I'm sure there around, as is a lot of drink, but in my experience it's never been a problem, not even noticed wasted people and enjoyed a few drinks myself.

That's ranging from small festivals on friends farms to wickerman, Eden size.

I wouldn't take them to T in the park or Glastonbury but plenty do.

You're either cool with it or not. Don't bother going if you're going to get pissed off at everything.

Finola1step · 18/10/2014 12:29

I'm like you. Had a good time in a variety of ways pre dc. But would not be taking my dc to festivals and the like (apart from vv family orientated ones) until much older.

So I would say your dh goes alone or you ask family to look after both dc so that you can both go and enjoy yourself without worrying about the dc.

Oh and no way would I be leaving my dc in a tent, alone, while I went off partying.

hollie84 · 18/10/2014 12:32

How old are your children?

I'd take a buggy or trailer for them to sleep in in the evenings.

Personally the drug thing wouldn't bother me.

MaidOfStars · 18/10/2014 12:33

Are you on equally high alert when your children are around people who have been drinking lots (which I'd consider a greater general safety issue)? If so, it seems like you don't feel they're quite ready for the experience, and you won't be able relax, and it's not really the illegal drugs that are an issue.

YANBU unreasonable to not want to go. I generally agree with your husband that festivals can be a fabulous experience for children, but perhaps this particular one (small, no escape to child-friendly areas) isn't the right one for your family.

Original poster

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 17:04

Thanks for the replies.

Generally they would be asleep no later than 8 even at a festival and given the main bands don't come on until at least 10 I would miss the really good stuff.

No, my children have never seen someone 'wasted'. They see us have a glass or two of wine with lunch, but not more that. No, I wouldn't expose my children to an environment where people were paralytic with drink. Alcohol really isn't the drug of choice at this festival anyway. People have a few beers, but tend not to mix their drugs much. The drug taking is very open. Technically it's a private party not a festival for licensing purposes I think, so maybe it's a bit more visible in that respect.

The children have been to a number of child friendly festivals and of course there are drugs about there too, but you tend not to 'see' it ifywim.

I've been to a lot of festivals Rita, so I don't tend to get pissed at everything as you put it, but it's different when children are involved and I think there's some stuff they shouldn't be exposed to at a young age.

OP posts:

Timetoask · 18/10/2014 17:06

So not indulging in drugs is being a prude is it?

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 18/10/2014 17:09

If you're not going to relax the leash on a break to a festival then don't take them. Most people would allow their children to stay up till 10-11 at a festival. It is good for them....but you and your DH have massively differing opinions on this so you need to compromise somehow.

Original poster

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 17:11

Not Imo the Time, but I have come across people who do think that.

OP posts:

Original poster

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 17:14

They go to sleep no later than 8 because they are tired Clap, not because I don't 'relax the leash'. I let them go to sleep when they want, not keep them awake for my own convenience. If they wanted to stay up they would. How is it good for them exactly?

OP posts:

Original poster

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 17:16

Also, by using a derogatory comparison like that, I assume you are inferring I treat my children like dogs in some way?

OP posts:

frames · 18/10/2014 17:27

Dcs can experience a festival for themselves when they are old enough, and it would be so uncool if you and your dh were also attending.

Calloh · 18/10/2014 17:44

It's difficult to answer really. It depends on how old your DC are and also how likely they are to notice and comment on the drug-taking in any meaningful way.

In terms of the bedtime thing I took my DCs to Camp Bestival at age 3 and 1 and 4 and 2 and found they slept fantastically in the trailer from about 9pm onwards so we didn't miss out on the acts - I am assuming that you've discounted this as an option?

DogCalledRudis · 18/10/2014 17:46

I think your friends should take more responsibility restricting drug use / public intoxication

wannabestressfree · 18/10/2014 17:52

A. Get a sitter and leave the kids.
B. Your friend needs to be careful. The police tend to be a bit unforgiving about selling the drugs. Particularly if children are there.
I wouldn't take my children. Sorry

whois · 18/10/2014 18:06

If you're not going to relax the leash on a break to a festival then don't take them. Most people would allow their children to stay up till 10-11 at a festival. It is good for them...

My parents 'allowed' me to stay up at special occasions. Unfirtunatly for them, I was unable to stay up past my usual bed time and you beg to go to bed.

Many a family party or meal was spent with me asleep on the floor, or behind my parents on booth style seating.

so don't assume the OP has the kind of children that can just merrily switch their body clocks onto a later time for a few days at a festival.

VSeth · 18/10/2014 18:11

I wouldn't take mine either, I have been to loads of festivals and seen some miserable children. My little one wouldn't stay awake much beyond half an hour past her bedtime and would cry for bed.

I was shocked by some friends who left their DC in a tent at the Big Chill then went off and got battered on Class A's. They were aged 8 and 10.

Original poster

HamishBamish · 18/10/2014 19:35

As far as I'm aware (and I can't be 100% sure as 100's of people attend) nobody is selling drugs, people bring their own. However, I agree with your point wanna.

I have been to loads of festivals and seen some miserable children.

Me too and this is the reason I have never pushed it with mine. If they need to sleep then I take them back to the tent where they'll be comfortable and sit with them.

I know the trailers you mean Calloh and they are great for family friendly things like Camp Bestival.

I'm not stopping DH from going. In fact, I think he'd have a much better time having a child free weekend with his friends and not having the responsibility of child watching. If we can, we'll ask GP's to babysit and go together. If not, DH can go and still have a good time.

OP posts:

raltheraffe · 18/10/2014 20:33

If you're not going to relax the leash on a break to a festival then don't take them. Most people would allow their children to stay up till 10-11 at a festival. It is good for them

It is not good for them though is it? If children normally go to bed at 8, them staying up until 11 will mess with their sleep/wake cycle leaving them tired and grumpy.

I have not been to a festival for a few years, but the last one I went to I got no sleep whatsoever. Most people went to sleep at about 2 am but one guy on the field, who I strongly suspect had taken drugs, was shouting that he was "a Twisted Firestarter" until about 6 am. He even had his hair styled like Keith from the Prodigy. At first I found it quite amusing, but by 4 am it was getting irksome.

I would not want my son around drug taking. Most people are pretty harmless when they smoke weed, but there are now lots of legal highs and a minority of people can get pretty unpredictable when they take these.

I think the 2 suggestions you have made, either organising childcare, or let husband go by himself, are far better ideas.

frames · 18/10/2014 23:24

Stoned parents stinking off weed responsible for children at a festival. Lovely, no better or worse than drunken parents anywhere. Grow up, stop trying to be cool, its just really sad take them to the beach for the day fgs

notquiteruralbliss · 19/10/2014 06:49

I don't think either you or your DH are being unreasonable.

However, if taking the children is really important to him and you don't want them overtired or exposed to things you are uncomfortable with, could you maybe stay in a local hotel and both go during the day for a few hours with the children and he (or both of you if you can get someone to babysit) go back in the evening?

Festivals with children are a very different experience to without. I go to large festivals with mine most years and see maybe one or two bands a day at most. We have a brilliant time but it is very different to going with adults.

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