Hi everyone, I'm a first time poster on Mumsnet and I'm in need of some advice. I feel like I'm going absolutely mad! It's a rather long thread which involves a big back story so I do apologise in advance!
Me and the father of my two kids split a rather long time ago when my kids were young teenagers, and although me and him do not get along I never objected to them being close to their Dad. Ex has since remarried - DS has never liked my ex's new partner and her child. DD's opinion of the new partner has changed dramatically this year, which I will go into later.
My ex's family never had a lot to do with my children. When we were together, the family took an instant dislike to me even though I did nothing wrong. I was always made to feel like an outsider at their family gatherings, which I believe is down to ex's older sister making trouble between myself and his mother out of jealousy. Essentially this resulted in them essentially not wanting to be a part of my children's lives which really hurt me. However, DS and DD wanted to connect with my ex's family later on in life. I knew that no good would come of it, however they were old enough to make their own opinions on it.
However, on these occasions, my ex's family has made a gigantic preference for DS over DD which has really upset DD. DS always receives birthday wishes and congratulations on special occasions, whereas DD receives nothing. When DD did a fundraiser for the charity in my ex's mother's memory, NONE of his family donated a penny and yet, expected HER to donate to their fundraisers. At her grandmother's funeral, DD was forced to sit at the back of the church alone due to the fact that everyone else had pushed in front of her without any consideration for her feelings. Not one member of her family offered her a seat with them and they had noticed she was sitting alone. At another family gathering, DD was once again made to feel like an outsider and huge preference was made for DS and ex's stepson. In her own words, she was made to feel like something on bottom of their shoe. DD came home very upset on both these occasions - she is a very kind and bubbly girl with a lovely personality and would always make an effort to be friendly so I KNOW for a fact it is not her. I am more than aware that it's hard to bond with people after such a long time, but there has to be two ways. Giving the cold shoulder to someone like that, especially family is awful. I think it's down to jealousy.
And there is issues with ex's new partner. Ex has pretty much changed since the two got together - he has essentially become fat and lazy and takes preference for his new family over his children. When his mother died, ex got a MASSIVE inheritance to which I always suspected the new partner married him for. When they got married, she gave up her job and hasn't worked since. When DD went on holiday with the two, alongside ex's stepson - she saw a completely different side to the new partner (DS didn't wish to go because of the new partner). Before the holiday, her and DD got on very well and she would get DD lots of presents. However, according to DD his new partner became a completely different person. The new partner would essentially roll her eyes behind my ex's back and tut anytime he bought something for DD. The new partner made sure DD wasn't included in a large portion of the holiday snaps, and made sure that HER son had everything he wanted - whereas DD was made to feel spoiled if she asked for anything. She was also apparently muttering comments under her breath about DD, thinking she couldn't hear them. DD emailed me saying how miserable she was feeling, so I advised DD to say something to her Dad.
Apparently she did, and DD's Dad basically claimed to her that his partner didn't have a problem with her. I have no idea what changed, but according to DD, later that evening her Dad ended having a go at DD basically saying it was HER FAULT and that SHE was making his partner uncomfortable. How the heck is DD meant to get along with her if the new partner is causing an atmosphere?! Clearly this woman has manipulated her Dad to make my daughter out to be the bad guy. I know DD would have done anything to get along with everyone.
This has since escalated beyond the holiday. DD a couple of months later asked for a loan from her Dad to help fund an evening college course to help towards her masters degree application. Her Dad REFUSED to loan her the money even though he is the financial situation to do so and I'm sadly not. In a phone call between the two, her Dad basically said she "played up" (as if she was a five year old) and that SHE spoiled the holiday and was refusing to loan her the money as a "punishment". Her Dad essentially refused to listen to DD's side of the story. There was also a conversation about how his family treated DD, in which her Dad again blamed HER for apparently "not making an effort". Once again, his family gets off scott-free!
The two have not spoken since, and her Dad did not bother turning up to her university graduation to which she was heartbroken over. One of my work colleagues ended up loaning her the money to fund her college course - it was embarrassing have to ask someone else but they knew how vital this course is to her. I would have GIVEN her the money myself but I can barely make ends meet as it is. I feel very hurt for my daughter that she treated this way. Her Dad is so spineless and cowardly that he feels it's the easy option to put the blame on my daughter for everything, rather than addressing the issue to those doing the wrongdoing.
AIBU? Or am I just going potty?