To tell my family not to be so tight with presents

[Baaahumbugs]

I have been with DP three years, he gets on really well with my sister and mum.

The first Christmas DP and I were together, we went round to DM's house to exchange presents. Now, DM always goes a bit crazy with presents, always gets myself and sister anything she thinks we will like, dozens of lovely presents. Christmas has never been a small affair. So we all open our presents, DP gets handed a DVD as a joint present from DM and DSis. Fine, it's our first Xmas together.... Thats fine.

BUT every xmas and birthday since then, DP has received a single present no more than £15 each time, the cost of which has been divided between the two of them.

I know its not all about the cost and its the thought that counts but I just feel embarassed when DP sees us all opening our grand gifts and then geta one present split between my adult Dsis and DM. Not only that but DP is so generous, always on the look out for things the two of them might like, very thoughtful and despite how things are with the whole present situation, always ensures that he pays half of anything we buy for DM and Dsis.

I spoke to Dsis about this as I didnt want it to happen again this year and asked if she just wanted to do smaller presents, maybe set a budget so it was more equal.

She went apeshit..... Aparently it would be weird if she and my mum got seperate presents for DP and I'm being an idiot. Aparently everyone she knows does the same with their in laws.....

The thing that pissed me off most was that she is quite happy to accept all these lovely gifts that DP pays half for, yet begrudgingly spends £7.50 on him for xmas and birthdays. Yet she was quite happy for my mum last xmas to buy her boyfriend (who she had only been with for 3 months) a present of the same value as DP - and I wasn't asked to split the cost of that!

I would never dream of clubbing together with my mum to buy a present for my sisters DP - who does that??

I will probably be told IABU.... I'm ready for it.... I just dont feel that I am, I feel like she's really cheeky to be fair....

I had one memorable Christmas when I was 17. My Dad had moved in with the woman who would later become his second wife and my step-mother. Her parents were visiting for Christmas, and us children were there for present-opening on Boxing Day (after having Christmas Day with our mother).

My present from my step-grandparents was half a dozen new bic biros, wrapped up in a tissue. There are loads of presents I have received over the years that I no longer remember, but I am sure that I will always remember that gift. And I did find the biros useful.

DH and I have been married 14 years, we have 3 children together and yet the ILs still give me a token present, I got a mug one year. Me and the other 'non-blood' members of the family are excluded in other ways. Very weird IMHO.

Get your dp to buy your mum and sis a pair of socks between them
If they say anything he just assumed as he always received a joint gift he thought they'd appreciate a joint gift themselves.

I always buy my grown up DDs more presents than I buy their partners.

OP, I understand you want your DP to feel 'loved' but is that really realistic? My parents like my DH, in fact I think my mum probably loves him but he isn't their child and I would find it odd if they treated him the same as they treat me.

I just don't get the value and importance that some people place on Xmas gifts. It seems so clinical to me.

OP don't you feel awful that you partners family spend so much on you. I would much prefer a token gift in those circumstances.

Love the joint gift idea for your mum and sister from DH. Maybe chocolates? Don't know if I'd be brave enough for socks! But makes the point well.

But then, do you want to make the point about presents? Or is the real problem here more to do with family dynamics and the inclusion of your DH and how domineering your sister is?

Ithink its the joint thing that is weird. Some token present from each, fine, but why are they buying it jointly? Do they live together still? (Sorry if I missed that detail)

In laws usually buy Dh & I roughly same value gifts ie: I get £30 vouchers & bottle wine, DH gets £30 vouchers & bottle southern comfort.

Last year they childminded for us and said they wanted no payment, but when it came to Christmas, I got a token necklace (about £8 tops) and DH got £50 in vouchers & a bottle of whisky.

I think she deducted childcare costs off my gift

But they spent the same (to the last penny) on the dcs.

SIL has no children so gets gifts/vouchers to same value as us plus the children. She also received eggs @ Easter & treats @ Halloween as otherwise it's "unfair"