Aibu to ask for help out of this arrangement (involves ex family)

[exmrs]

I'm divorced and ex husband no longer wants anything to do with son but ex 's gran so my sons great gran asked us round for tea and then after it became a presumed fortnightly thing on a weekday after school. I don't mind taking son now and then but fortnightly is too much as something always crops up where I wish we didn't have prior unspoken agreement we would have to go round that often.

Another issue is my son doesn't really like going as he gets bored and the food she cooks is usually out of date , I know people will say I should be grateful but the food is really that bad and she never throws out of date stuff away. It's not her on low income buying reduced things it's just her way of you don't throw food away.

Now my son is a really fussy eater and I can tell she gets annoyed when he doesn't eat but there was blue mould on some carrots the other day where my son asked why they were blue spots on them !

Yes I am lucky she still wants to see her great grandson but how can I get out of this fortnightly arrangement , she gets the huff when I say I can't make the next time and has me telling her what I've got planned on other days to change the day if can't make the usual day.

Please someone how can I word it getting a bit much ?

'Oh we can't make next week. I'll let you know when we can come over'.

How about you do a little white lie and say he's had dinner at school, but you will come for afternoon tea and take a cake round?

I think it quite sad to cut off an older person, family means a lot.

Can't you just say "there's really no need to cook, DS isn't hungry yet/he's eaten at school /we don't want to impose on you" and stay for an hour or so?

I Would just tell her that you are sorry but you wont be able to come as often anymore as DS (due to getting older) is starting to get invites and you have appointments etc and that you will keep in touch. Also tell her in advance when you do go that you wont beed dinner as ds eats at school and isnt hungry.

How old is your son? Could he do the cooking and bring the ingredients? I understand the set day is annoying but it's really good that he has a connection to the other side of his family via his great gran. Could she come to you?

I'm not cutting her out and she can't come to us , son is nearly 8, I'm honestly finding it a struggle as he has activities other days and finding I've not got any week nights free .

Don't think she would appreciate us bringing ingredients she would take offence.
I think I'm going to say can we make it monthly

I've tried getting her not to cook but she won't have it and if I insisted son won't eat she would just cook for me still

Ok, change it to monthly and make it a weekend morning or afternoon just after you've had breakfast or lunch and just be more insistent than she is.

I repeat:

'Oh we can't make next week. I'll let you know when we can come over'.

I don't quite understand why, as an adult and a mother, you cannot make a decision as to how often you and your son visit someone. Perhaps some classes on assertiveness would be a good thing to attend in place of visiting your ex's gran?