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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should not give our car to MIL?

52 replies

silversixpence · 17/10/2014 17:55

DH wants to buy a new car and has just told me he is planning to give MIL our current car (worth about 3k). She is working and owns two properties so is perfectly able to afford her own car. I can understand a discount of £500 or even £1k but giving it away? AIB really horribly stingy or is this a bit much?

OP posts:
clam · 17/10/2014 19:42

But it's not a "similar thing for his mum as you did for your dad" though. giving the OP's dad 3K was paying back a loan. This latest car thing would be a gift.

Thumbwitch · 17/10/2014 19:48

"You are lucky to have a generous husband"

Not necessarily. My Dad has been one of these, but it only extended to people outside the family. So for instance he happily gave away Mum's silver cross coach-built pram, and various other quite expensive things; but his generosity didn't extend so much within the family, as we were quite hard up.

The OP has said she's never received the benefit of his generosity to anything like the tune of £3k, so I wouldn't take it as read that him being this generous to his mother would extend to her.

Original poster
silversixpence · 17/10/2014 19:51

I don't think DH has even remembered the loan I paid off for my dad as it was a while ago. To be clear it was a loan Dad took out himself and struggled to pay back (he has struggled to keep his head above water with his business and works harder than anyone else I know). My MIL doesn't have a car (at the moment DH also drives her around a lot, so it's in our interest if she has a car in a way!)

OP posts:
sykadelic · 17/10/2014 19:58

Why don't you "loan" her the car? Then you still own it and can sell it later, or decide whether to give it to her. Win-win.

Would she even want the car? Could she afford all the car expenses herself?

peggyundercrackers · 17/10/2014 20:03

Second hand cars aren't really worth a lot of money - I don't see any issue with giving her the car, it's a lovely thing for him to do for his mother. Giving gifts isn't about how much someone else has...

CadmiumRed · 17/10/2014 20:06

"My MIL doesn't have a car (at the moment DH also drives her around a lot, so it's in our interest if she has a car in a way!)"

So it's a nice way of saying "You're on your todd for lifts from now on"? And it is your DH that this burden falls on.

YABU.

sykadelic · 17/10/2014 20:13

I agree that I'd be worried MIL may take the offer of a car as a "now I don't have to schlep you around, it's been a right hassle"... but then I don't know her at all and maybe she complains about not having a car.

Bogeyface · 17/10/2014 20:19

Well I wouldnt but my MIL is a bitch so fuck her quite honestly!

But if you do decide to give it to her make sure that she understands that she is just getting the car and that all the running costs are down to her. However if she is currently being chauffered by her son she may prefer that and turn the car down.

sanfairyanne · 17/10/2014 20:23

we all give our old cars away to family here, so maybe its just how things work in his family?
are you sure it is worth 3k?

mynewpassion · 17/10/2014 20:52

Paying off someone else's 3k loan is not a gift?

clam · 17/10/2014 21:41

Ah, OK, I mis-read that bit. I thought she meant she paid back 3K to him, not for him.

As you were...

Dropdeadfred2 · 17/10/2014 21:56

could your mil biy the car at a reduced rate? that way you both benefit

HannerHet · 18/10/2014 17:49

Yanbu

LosingAllTheLego · 18/10/2014 18:14

Do you drive?

oddsocksmostly · 18/10/2014 18:41

Has MIL helped your DH financially in the past?

Original poster
silversixpence · 18/10/2014 19:03

Yes I drive, I would probably use the car more than DH as he commutes to work. MIL has not particularly helped financially (in fact DH has paid all the mortgage/bills in the house they lived in as a family in the past) although she does contribute to DS's savings.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 18/10/2014 19:22

Would you be ok with him giving the car to your parents?

Apatite1 · 18/10/2014 20:15

I would do this in a heartbeat as my MIL is a peach. But I'd definitely not be pleased if my husband unilaterally decided on his own, or if he'd never been as generous to me.

LosingAllTheLego · 18/10/2014 21:24

Well if you drive then it should be a joint decision.

It is a nice gesture though. If we could afford it then I'd have no issue whatsoever doing this for my MIL. But then she gave me her car as I passed my test just as she was getting a new one.

aermingers · 18/10/2014 21:47

I suspect he might have had some money off MIL that you don't know about.

mynewpassion · 18/10/2014 22:38

The dh hasn't been as generous to the OP but has towards to her parents when he agreed to pay off their loan, which was about the cost of their car.

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/10/2014 23:26

I once gave away a car to someone else's family, just a mate whose son needed a car and i couldnt be arsed to sell mine when i got a company car.

Inertia · 19/10/2014 00:38

So is there a 3rd car which you use? Or is he putting your Mil above the needs of you and your child ?

Aridane · 19/10/2014 11:48

We all pass on to family old cars once a new one is geing bought (well, not that we have a high turnover) - so maybe DH is used to that too

Thumbwitch · 20/10/2014 03:19

If he wants her to have it, I suggest he actually sells it to her, even if it's just for £50. So she knows good and proper that it's now her car, so if anything goes wrong with it, it's entirely her responsibility and not your DH's. may have been stung by this sort of situation before...

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