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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "get over yourself!"

26 replies

RightLittleRayOfSunshine · 17/10/2014 12:24

I have a friend who is a bit full of herself and a bit of a drama queen. She also likes to gossip and is forever talking non stop about what's going on in her life and other people's lives. Other than that though I actually like her and she is nice.

Recently she's been going on none stop about how her GP is going to be sending her to a gynecologist. Now the last few days have been spent with her fretting and making a big song and dance over the fact she might have to see a male gynecologist and worrying what she will do then.

She has been constantly going on about how there is "no way" she can let a man examine her or look at her "down there". And that if she has a man she will have to refuse and ask for a woman.

I've been biting my tongue a lot but AIBU to think "just get over it!" and to wonder why she thinks she's so damn hot and what makes her so different to all the hundreds of other women he's seen to the point he's going to find her sexually attractive?

I could never tell her this so I'm just going to have to put up with this bloody drivel for now!

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 17/10/2014 12:26

Why do you think she thinks she's hot?
I agree most women should be fine to see a male gynaecologist but dont necessarily agree with the reasons you're attributing to her

QueenofallIsee · 17/10/2014 12:28

YABU to think 'get over it' as I think it is fine for a patient to have some preference over their treatment and doctor - I would not think for a moment that a man is sexually attracted to me but I am still happier with a female HCP examining me. YANBU if you are sick of her going on and on about it and not doing anything about it.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 17/10/2014 12:30

Not wanting people to see intimate areas of your body does not mean you think you are hot. Yabvu.

Noctambulist · 17/10/2014 12:30

Your friend sounds a bit needy, and a bit dim. But you don't sound as though you really like her very much anyway, so what's it to you?

iwishiwasacat · 17/10/2014 12:33

Well your friend sounds quite annoying and you sound quite unreasonable.

Some people are just not comfortable with things like that, for whatever reason that may be, and you are being unfair. How about you be kind to someone you call a friend and reassure her?

LittleBairn · 17/10/2014 12:33

You don't sound much of a friend.
YABU there are many reasons a woman might feel uncomfortable with a male Dr intimately examine them. That's why we are given the legal right to refuse.

Original poster
RightLittleRayOfSunshine · 17/10/2014 12:33

stealth by the way she goes on. I've known her for years and she does have a tendancy do go on about how X clearly fancies her or how y was clearly trying to eye her up last night.

She does seem to think that everyone and their dog wants to shag her.

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 17/10/2014 12:33

I personally wouldn't want to see a male gynae but that doesn't mean I think I'm hot. I think you're jealous of your friend

LemonadeRayGun · 17/10/2014 12:33

Has she actually said she is worried he is going to be sexually attracted to her? I would prefer to see a female gynae I think, but not cos I think a male one would be attracted to me!! I wouldn't necessarily refuse a male,I'd just be more Costa le with a female.

Would she refuse to see a lesbian gynae?!

SaucyJack · 17/10/2014 12:34

YABU to describe her as a friend.

Noctambulist · 17/10/2014 12:35

She does seem to think that everyone and their dog wants to shag her.

You really don't like her at all, do you?

I'd hate to think any of my 'friends' had such a low opinion of me Hmm

Original poster
RightLittleRayOfSunshine · 17/10/2014 12:35

iwishiwasacat I have been supporting her and reassuring her to do what she thinks is best. That doesn't mean it can't annoy me.

OP posts:
UsedtobeFeckless · 17/10/2014 12:36

To be honest I'd rather a female did any rummaging around in my nethers that needed to be done if I had the choice - and it's not because I think I'm hot ( although I am a total godess, obviously ... Hmm ) but rather because I'm a bit nervous and embarressed! Maybe it's the same for your mate.

I do sympathise about the constant wittering, though - definitely!

Original poster
RightLittleRayOfSunshine · 17/10/2014 12:36

OK so IABU then. Fair enough.

OP posts:
vezzie · 17/10/2014 12:40

She is reasonable for hoping the gynae is a women but yanbu for getting annoyed with her going on and on about it. Next time, just say "you need to contact them in advance and ask to see a woman dr - that will be fine. anyway back to me -"

Altinkum · 17/10/2014 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 17/10/2014 12:41

Well, my gynecologist is a male, and it's really no big deal to me. In fact, I've seen both men and women, and I've found that I prefer a male gynecologist.

But, other women feel differently, and they are entitled to feel that way. I get the impression that women in the UK don't see a gynecologist regularly like women here in the US tend to, so I can understand why she would be uncomfortable; even women who see one annually here get nervous about it.

Has she said she thinks the doctor will find her sexually attractive? If she hasn't said that specifically, I'd assume she just doesn't want to be examined by a man, which is her right, I think.

katiegee · 17/10/2014 12:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable... but we might be in the minority. I'd be telling her to phone up and ask if the appointment is with a male doctor, and ask for it to be changed if it is a male doctor and she feels uncomfortable.

I 100% understand that some women would prefer to see a female doctor, and that's fair enough, but I hate when people go on and on and on about how they could never possibly see a male doctor about 'women's problems' yet don't actually do anything about it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/10/2014 12:45

I think you were hoping for some kind of group-agreement on this thread but you're not going to get it. You don't seem to like her. I wouldn't talk about people I like in this way.

You have made an assertion that your friend thinks she's 'hot' because she wants a female doctor to examine her rather than a male. That says a lot about you and your follow-up post just seems to be a bit of drip-feeding/backpedalling because you can see how it's been taken.

Sorry but you do sound jealous and competitive of your friend. Perhaps do both of you a favour and distance yourself from her.

Original poster
RightLittleRayOfSunshine · 17/10/2014 12:47

steff13 that's right we don't. We only go if something might be wrong. A woman here could go her whole life without seeing one if she has no need to.

OP posts:
JubJubBirds · 17/10/2014 12:54

YA both BU.

This is a question of dealing with her health. Surely she should want the best person for the job, regardless of gender. My gyne is male and I feel so fortunate to have him as he's the lead specialist in my locality.

That being said, this is her first visit, she's bound to feel anxious and you should realise that. Some people have reservations at being treated by someone of the opposite gender and they're within their rights to refuse treatment regardless of how you or others might feel about that.

You both need to get a grip.

Nomama · 17/10/2014 13:00

OK, so NU at all for thinking it. If she is wrapped up in herself and has only given a 'cos he would fancy me and get a kick out of it' type answer then you have every right to think that!

But, as you have also said, you haven't said it and you are being supportive - at least for as long as your patience holds out Smile.

Sadly though, you won't get many who will see that distinction... you will only get a bit of a roasting! Good luck!

RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 13:52

OP when people are nervous about things they tend to witter on about them.

I also prefer seeing female HCP for this sort of thing where possible, although I'm not 'precious' about it. It's because I had a disturbing experience with a male doctor doing an intimate exam when I was quite young, and also becase I often find male consultants a bit patronising. For example, the consultant obstetrician I saw recently referred to me as a 'young lady' who was feeling 'a bit wound up' because I had a concern about my baby's health. Well-meaning and all, but I would not have felt comfortable with him examining me as he made me feel a bit stupid.

I think if your friend is annoying in general, fine, but in this case, you need to respect her feelings more. Also it is quite possible there is no choice of drs - when I go to the clinic I see who is available - so she may not feel it is worth ringing in advance. Encourage her to ask, though.

redexpat · 17/10/2014 13:58

Agree that calling ahead to request a female is a good idea. However even if she is a bit of a drama queen it doesnt mean that her feeling uncomfortable isnt genuine. Im not very happy about anyone looking down there. Came out of an internal scanning this week and cried because the female dr wouldnt give me a sheet to cover myself. She locked the door but ignored my request. Sad

olaflikeswarmhugs · 17/10/2014 13:59

I kind of see where you are coming from op . You feel that instead of making a big song and dance about it she should just bloody phone the place and ask for a female . I mean it's hardly unheard of and I bet the receptionist gets loads of phone calls asking for a female so why is it such a big deal . I know a few people with this quality and it can get quite annoying Confused