Sensitive subject.....

[Moomoo92]

I know I might get a pasting for this but here goes..

I was in a violent relationship for 3 years when I became pregnant whilst taking the pill, all was fine he wouldn't touch me while I was pregnant but he did still shout, until one night that is, he kicked off over something so minor and ended up pushing my down the stairs (I was around 34weeks) I went to hospital had a check and all was fine he didn't touch me for the rest of my pregnancy and we had a lovely dd everything was perfect for the first few weeks u till he start snapping at me again, I don't know what it was but something in side me said enough was enough so me and my dd left and I haven't been back!

I started noticing dd was lacking a bit in her milestones so at a gp appointment formyself I brought it up, they referred my dd to a paediatrician and after months of tests and MRI scans it's been confirmed she has cerebral palsy, the paediatrician said it could be from two things, 1 lack of oxygen at birth or 2 a trauma during my pregnancy. My labour was olain sailing no complications so I think back to the time I was pushed down the stairs. I love my dd unconditionally and I would not change her for the world.

Apart from blaming myself for the cp (I should of left, I should of done more to protect my unborn baby)

AIBU for apart of me to blame my ex partner for my dd cp?

Not U at at all! If you've been told by medical professionals that a trauma caused it, then I wouldn't hesitate to blame him. I'm so sorry for the you and your daughter

The thing is, you're never going to know for definite what caused it. You lived your life as you best as you could during that time and you can't turn the clock back.

Your ex is responsible for his actions and, if he hadn't have been violent, you wouldn't be experiencing all this self blame now. So, the blame lies firmly at his door in that respect.

Having somebody to talk it through with might help. Perhaps a counsellor.

Maybe ask the paediatrician what kind of 'trauma during pregnancy' they mean. Being pushed down the stairs was obviously highly traumatic and I'm sorry you were treated so criminally, but if you were checked out in hospital at the time and told there were no problems then that event might not have been the cause. I can see that you would want to blame someone.

Was your ex ever prosecuted for the assault?

Thank you for your replies,

I've been to see various support networks all be very helpful and understanding

He was reported to the police, the police said the cps doesn't think it's a strong enough case as i reported it months after it happened ( he would ring me threatening me so I reported everything)

He isn't getting any contact is he??
Or his family?
Or do you foresee that to be an issue in the future at all??

You sound like a fab mum ! Your dd is lucky to have you

When I left he would see my dd at his mums until one night he turned up drunk at his mums my dd had a tiny bit of nappy rash and he rang social services on me, my ex's mum brought my dd back straight away and couldn't apologise enough for his behaviour since then he has had no contact whatsoever x

Keep a low profile and make sure he doesn't want contact. Abusers are a bloody nightmare if they go to court for contact.

I'm currently living with my mum and there is a red flag on the house so if anything happens and I call 999 then they know what it's about, I am hoping to be housed soon and will not let anybody know where I live x

That's good.

Is your dd receiving any therapy, physio etc.?

Yes after a 5 month wait we finally had our first physio session last week, she's very active, doesn't crawl but army shuffles and can walk with a walker, she has right side hemiplegia so she keeps her right hand in a fist and can't really lift it up physio have given me lost of things to do with her to encourage her to use it more, she also bears weight on her left side so she has an imbalance, although climbing up the stairs is a nightmare we have been encouraged to help her bring her leg up to kneel instead of her dragging herself up, she has come on leaps and bounds and I am so very proud of her