To want my needs noticed for once?

[Tannabeanie]

As per usual it's what everyone else wants first, sod what Tannabeanie wants cus everyone else's needs are more important. Can't even have a hot bath because he's used all the hot water AGAIN and got the silent treatment because I dared to put something on the tv that I wanted to watch, despite there being naff all else on the tv that he wanted to watch!!!! I'm stuck in the middle with this blinking social housing 3 way house move, acting as mediator between the other two and end up worrying myself sick when I try and voice MY NEEDS ahead of everyone else's for a change instead of rolling over and taking it to keep the peace and make everyone else happy!! And god forbid I try and go to sleep when I'm in bed, oh no, he wants a massage or a head scratch or sexual favours or full sex, or all of the above, if he's had one he wants it all. Nothing is ever good enough!! Nothing I cook is good enough, when I clean the house iv missed something, when I iron I shouldn't bother, when I buy him something I don't even get a thank you, when I want to see my friends or my family I should be seeing his friends or his family instead or should be spending the weekend with him on our own. And when it comes to cleaning, I really shouldn't bother, it either goes unnoticed or gets destroyed in seconds, the bin is there for a goddamned reason, put your sht in it!! NOT NEXT TO IT!!! And the floor is not a washing basket, PICK YOUR SHT UP!! If Monday comes around and you have no work clothes, apparently it's my fault, because I should have gone round the house collecting your crap and washing it and putting it away for you?? NO!!! Once in a while I'd just like my efforts to not go unnoticed, to be able to do something for me without consequence, and not be treated like a housemaid/nanny/sex toy. I am a person too, I have needs too. Just because I don't voice them, doesn't mean they are any less important than anyone else's, right?

Why are you with him?

Bad day? And breathe......

I didn't quite get through all that but do you really need to be in a three way house swap, or do you need to be finding a different house without this berk?

Leave him!

YANBU to want it, but YABU to expect things to change by venting on here! Have you said all this to him? Are you able to have a reasonable discussion about what you do around the house compared to what he does? Is there any chance he is completely unaware of how much you have on your plate rather than just a massive twat? Because it sounds like you need to take things in hand and make some changes yourself - the first one being to reassess your relationship and decide whether it's worth it...

Yes, bad day topped off by a cold bath, the rant was needed. Unfortunately for my sanity I love the lazy selfish sod, god knows why, and we have 2 young kids, baby is his, 3 year old isn't biologically but he's all he has ever known as a dad. I blame myself for being too scared to rock the boat, spent so long with my guard up, I didn't notice when it slowly crumbled piece by piece and now I can't live without him no matter how much id like to thwack him over the head repeatedly for making me feel like I have 2 babies and a teenager to look after, not a partner.

Of course you can live without him. So can your children. So far, they're learning that the woman does all the work and the man shits on her.

3 years in you should still be in the honeymoon, not resigning yourself to a life of shite.

I find a bottle opener helps in these types of situations...not only excellent for opening life saving wine, but also highly useful for stabbing people when they least expect it... I'm joking really...kind of.
but in truth some people just don't seem to see the work that goes on behind the scenes, like some sort of magic cleaning fairy comes and polishes during the night lol

A head scratch ? WTAF .Just for even wanting that LTB.

Why don't you voice your needs? Of course you should.

Yes you can live without him.

Why aren't you voicing your needs? If you need something from him, tell him. If you are planning to have a bath, for example, just tell him 'don't use all the hot water tonight' or better yet, follow his lead and just have your bath first and take the water you need.

If he still doesn't listen or meet your needs then make plans to move on as he's obviously selfish. Not sure why you're bottling it all up and then expecting him to be psychic. Seems like an unhealthy way to live.

If you can't talk to him without it turning into a row then copy & paste your post & send it to him in an email/letter. Obviously delete your username, amend it so its relavent & readable ti him but he needs to know about what you posted here. He needs to recognise & acknowledge the negative impact his

behsviour has on you.

Also put in paragraphs as it makes it easier to read.

I find a spellcheck relevant myself MsAsprey

did you just scrabble around specifically so you could make the paragraphs comment?

funny enough I read the OP post well enough.

OP: this is a dysfunctional relationship at best. he has zero respect for you, in fact it appears to border on contempt.

STOP doing anything for him, tell him he's a grown human being, and that he's more than capable of washing his own clothes, clearing up after himself etc.

this is not love, it's co dependance. being on your own would be easier. demand more, demand better. if he can't see that you are worth it, absolutely remove him from your life. does he do his share with childcare etc?

Thank you everyone who has commented, it's certainly given me a lot to think about.
He has basically gone from living with his parents to living with me and has never had to do anything for himself because I was stupid enough to pick up where his mum left off. I'm not defending him, he infuriates me at times (last nights rant proves that, I was sat in yet another cold bath, which I'm lucky to get at all with the million other things I have to do, and I just started typing on my notepad on my phone) I find it hard to voice it to him specifically because of the wounded response I get whenever I do, which I know is a cop-out on my part. Truth is that deep down I know I probably could live without him, but I don't want to, I love him.
I just need to find the strength to stop trying to keep the peace all the time and get him to recognise that I do everything for him while he does sweet FA for me.
Thanks again. Wish me luck. Xxx

He has basically gone from living with his parents to living with me

Yikes.

I dated a guy like that once, never again. I hate to say this but he's never going to really appreciate all the stuff you do because he's never had to do it himself.

If you want things to be different then you need to start behaving differently. Just initiate small changes to start with....looks like you've got your work cut out - good luck x

OK, write down everything that has to be done weekly, daily, monthly. Mark the things he does all by himself where you don't have to tell him to do them, and then site him down peacably and go through the list with him.

Apportion tasks fairly. Fairly!!! (he will probably try to wriggle out of things but be strong and firm and do not give an inch).

Then tell him about things like bathwater and sharing it, and so on.

See what happens.

Oh and stop acceding to his demands for massages etc. tell him you're too tired and want to sleep. Just say no.