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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel my colleague is trying to outdo me

37 replies

zeezeek · 15/10/2014 19:32

In every bloody way!

She has just moved into our department from another part of the University. I've known her vaguely for years, but never really had much to do with her. She's the same grade as me, is really successful - brings in money, publishes etc etc, but she seems to have a problem with me.

It's really subtle PA type stuff, like making snipey comments about things, like telling me I'm rude if I make a sarky comment....then she will start bitching about other people in the department. Another thing, when people come in to our shared office to see me, she will talk over me. I had a colleague who's also a friend come in today to ask me for some advice about something I used to work on - but whatever I said, she interrupted with what she though the answer should be - which was complete rubbish btw. She also seems to be going behind my back and telling other people that I'm not doing my work properly, is constantly checking up on what I'm doing - wanting to know if I'm working on what I'm supposed to be. She's not my line manager! We're the same grade and have similar roles academically, but she is the course director of a course that I'm teaching on this semester, so she's always checking up on me, giving me things to do for the course and then telling me to changes parts of my lectures.

I know that I can be arrogant and gobby and have no diplomacy or tact - but I can't think of anything that I've said to her that would cause her to act this way, other than a throwaway comment once about how I never needed to work for exams (I didn't know then that she had to work very hard and revise constantly to get where she is). Can she still be pissed off with me because of that?

OP posts:
geezerhere · 16/10/2014 22:35

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CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 16/10/2014 22:48

geezer even 7 year olds know better than this. Wink

Poofus · 16/10/2014 22:58

Good grief, what discipline do you work in?

Purplepoodle · 16/10/2014 23:01

Sounds pretty much like academia - it's pretty much being back at school with bigger toys and more grudges.

Why in earth would it be taken further when one academic has an opinion about someone else's project - so what if she thinks it's going to fail. That just sounds weird.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 16/10/2014 23:20

Blimey.
I work in academia.
I was sympathetic at the first post but after the second I think you both sound like nightmares. I have 10 more papers than her - good for you...you.think you are better than her she thinks she is better than you.
You want everyone to say she is doing you wrong but why the hell do you care?
People are a pain wherever you.work. Do your job. If you dont like her nod and smile and get on with it. Life is too short.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 16/10/2014 23:25

And I should add I deal with this crap day in day out.
It really isn't worth it.

LiverpoolLou · 17/10/2014 08:33

DH is a tenured professor and gets sick to death of having to deal with the fallout from this sort of childishness every day. The bitching, backstabbing, game playing, it exhausts him. I know he's of the opinion that it's all a cover for being an academic lightweight because the heavyweights are too busy doing what they do for this kind of arsing around.

whatever5 · 17/10/2014 09:02

There is certain amount of bitching ,backstabbing, game playing in every workplace. Academia is certainly not unique.

BoundForFreedom · 17/10/2014 09:19

I left academia for precisely these reasons. The bitching, the ultra competitiveness and the massive egos. You both sound as bad as each other.

taxi4ballet · 17/10/2014 09:37

I suspect that everyone knows what she is like already - grit your teeth, smile, work hard and be overpoweringly NICE to her (and everyone else), don't bitch about her to anyone, and keep well out of any gossip.

That way no-one will believe her if she tries to undermine you.

If she winds you up, count to 10 and let it wash over you.

Penfold007 · 17/10/2014 09:45

Zee just step away and remain professional. She will soon get her comeuppance.

zeezeek · 17/10/2014 20:05

Penfold007 - yes, thanks, this is what I need to do. Even after one day away from this mad environment I have realised that I'm over-reacting and, frankly, she isn't worth the bother.

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