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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still miss my friend?

15 replies

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 15:14

Three years ago, the organisation I worked for restructured and essentially my friends job and my job became one, high powered super earner (sort of!)

I left (natural wastage ) and had another job pretty much identical to my previous one. But, I missed the place hugely and the people, and everything.

Meanwhile, friend had got the high powered job and put it all over Facebook. I didn't mind this but then, my dad died suddenly. Friend said she couldn't help as it was "too awkward" and kept telling colleagues - my friends - the same.

I ended up dropping her as it was hurting too much to see her celebrations on FB. And I've moved on, new job, new friends. Although of course I still don't have my dad.

But, I still really miss her and the laughs we had, which I know isn't U at all. I suppose I'm just sounding off!

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 15/10/2014 15:53

She's not a very nice friend by the sounds of it and selfish.

You're better off without her. Awkward my arse...she jsut didn't want to see you because she had your job.

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 15/10/2014 16:12

I miss my friend too.

We were friends for 12 years and she was family when I didn't have one.

The story is long but suffice to say she hurt me and I couldn't put her needs above the needs I deserved so I had to stop.

I'm sorry you miss your friend. I can't help because I'm in the same position but I wanted you to know your not alone

WeAreEternal · 15/10/2014 16:44

I know exactly what you mean, I have been, and I suppose I still am where you are.

However, I have come to realise that I miss the friendship and the way I felt towards her more that I actually miss her as a person.
Really I don't think I miss her much at all, she was a selfish cow 95% of the time and the friendship was quite uneven, but we had some good times and I felt that I could really talk to her, which is not something I can say about many people, and I miss that.

Laura0806 · 15/10/2014 16:49

Im sorry you feel like that. Itsreally sad when a friendship ends but I wonder if you miss the friendship you THOUGHT you had not the one you ACTUALLY had. She doesn't sound like a genuine friend acting the way she did and saying to others it was 'awkward' sounds to me like shes a drama queen and was just trying to make a drama out of nothing. Your disappointment regarding the job wouldn't compare to needing her support over your dad.

SexualBernieClifton · 15/10/2014 16:51

same here.

had a friend and we were very very close for 12 years. they did an unforgivable thing 5 years ago and I still miss them sometimes.

Laura0806 · 15/10/2014 18:29

This is what disturbs me in friendships. You invest such a lot in people: I do anyway and then you never know whether it could end in a heartbeat. I have purposefully held back in friendships over the past 6 months or so as Ive been burnt twice badly in the last 2 years ( first time in 38 years but its happened and enough to put me off friends for life!) xxx

Cardriver · 15/10/2014 19:02

I missed my ex best friend for 10 years before I stopped missing her even though she wasn't always nice to me

I had a falling out with a good friend nearly a year ago because she did something really nasty to a mutual friend. I still miss her like crazy!

happygirl87 · 17/10/2014 16:01

I had a close friend who I had so much in common with who tried to snog DP. I still miss her when I see things I know we would have laughed at together.

There's a poem by Wendy Cope:

I can't forgive you. Even if I could
You wouldn't pardon me for seeing through you
And yet I cannot cute myself of love
For what I thought you were before I knew you

AlmaMartyr · 17/10/2014 16:10

That's a lovely poem happygirl87.

YANBU Chocolateyvelvet. I had a falling out with some friends recently. It was incredibly painful and they hurt me very badly, but I still miss them sometimes :( It's the first time I've had this kind of friendship drama and it's really shaken me. That poem really sums it up for me, I miss the people I thought I was friends with.

Laura0806 · 17/10/2014 16:13

yes thats a lovely poem and soo true. I still feel upset when i see my 'friend' with her new friends even though she was horrible to me and many before me Ive since realised.

Hatespiders · 17/10/2014 19:20

A friend who wasn't there for you when you lost your dad is a very peculiar 'friend'. But I know what you mean. I too (like many on this thread it seems) once had a very good friend. She was extremely funny and often had me in stitches. Also, I'd helped her through some bad times. But she turned a bit spiteful for some reason and began to snipe at me and gossip behind my back. Then on one occasion she absolutely flew at me for no reason at all. I was totally puzzled by her unwarranted behaviour and went nc. That was many years ago, but sometimes I find myself smiling at her funny expressions and country accent. I do miss her, and the lovely times we had, but not the person she'd become. Very sad.

CheeseToastie123 · 17/10/2014 19:34

Another person mourning a friendship here. It is a very particular hurt.

Topaz25 · 17/10/2014 19:36

It sounds like you had fun times together but when you went through a difficult time she wasn't strong enough to be there for you. And she was really insensitive about the job situation! It's only natural to miss the good times but I think you're better off without her now you know you can't rely on her when it matters.

Pancakeflipper · 17/10/2014 19:42

I miss 2 of my friends.

One from school years. I miss the giggles but she sent me a letter listing every single one of my failings ( I had earlier said I was feeling left out as she had a boyfriend and I felt like there was no time for little old me anymore). Apparently I was the most boring person who ever stepped foot on this planet. Took her 8 yrs to work out I was the most boring person ever.

And one from my student days. There was no fall out. She was moving to a remote country ( pre-FB days) and she was not good at keeping in contact and warned me that I was unlikely to hear from her but that she always would love me and remember our adventures together. According to her I was the most lively person and least dull person she had ever met. I think fondly of our lazy student days, the gigs, the festivals, the parties, the dancing, the hugs, her veggie curry, her kindness. I hope one day she will find her way back into my life. She promised to do that one day and said we'd just pick up from where we left off ( but with less cider drinking hopefully).

Cheepypeepy · 17/10/2014 20:10

I miss my friend, I click on titles like this hoping they are from her :(

she had a hard time, her mum died and she had her dc on her own (he is lovely) I was living a young ish single life - no real clue about children - tried to help but probably got it very wrong. She got together with a bloke and disappeared, he didn´t seem to like her DC - or her - or anyone.

Anyway in your situation she she is obviously quite insecure (perhaps underneath the facade she thinks you could have done the job better??) and couldn´t handle the role changes even though you could, and sadly you can´t change that

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