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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

birthday present went 'missing' - in the bin??

11 replies

Fanton12 · 15/10/2014 10:33

It was my DD's 4th birthday last Friday. Her school has a policy that the kids can bring in a toy on Fridays, so she chose to bring in a new (expensive) doll that her GM had given her that morning to show her friends (I know, I know - it was stupid to take an expensive toy in, but it was her birthday...).

When I went to pick her up that afternoon the doll was missing. The teacher told me she'd put it on a shelf so everyone could see it, and she herself had seen it 10 minutes beforehand. We had a quick look around, but no sign of doll. I didn't see the teacher again until Tuesday morning when she told me she couldn't find the doll and it must have 'fallen in the bin'.

It's possible I suppose that it fell in the bin, and I may be out of order, but I suggested perhaps emailing parents to see if another child had accidentally put in their bag and taken it home - adding that it was a longed for birthday present. This was met with something along the lines of incredulity.

I should note that I live abroad and the school is small and bi-lingual (my daughter is not in the English language side) and open plan with all children and adults able to go into all areas.

The last thing I want is to appear to accuse anyone of stealing, or getting a reputation as a difficult parent, as we do our best to blend in with the other parents, (even though it's surprising how different our thinking is on occasion...).

For some reason this has kept me up at night - AIBU or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
capsium · 15/10/2014 10:38

I would ask the school if a notice could be put in the Newsletter your daughter's a 'lost' doll to ask if anyone has 'found' it. You could say it might have become mixed up with another child's coat / bags at home time. You could even include a (small) reward for finding the doll.

capsium · 15/10/2014 10:40

Oh I see the suggestion of an email was met with incredulity....you could try regarding Newsletter. However I think you might have to just let it go and save up for a replacement.

DayLillie · 15/10/2014 10:42

I don't see what is wrong about sending an e-mail to see if the doll has mistakenly 'wandered' into the wrong bag. These things happen with children. I think people get too uptight about being accused of stealing, rather than just sorting things out. It is the best way for the children to learn.

However, it is probably hard to go against a whole culture and may have to be chalked up to experience.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 10:43

Yes what capsium said and hope you get it back as sure as eggs are eggs it didn't end up in any bin.

diddl · 15/10/2014 10:51

well if it was put up on a shelf to be looked at, then surely it has been stolen in that it has been deliberately taken down from there & not put back?

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 15/10/2014 10:57

I reckon the teacher is the guilty party.

She took it away and put it on a shelf, is incredulous about asking other parents and has suggested that 'it fell in the bin'.

I'm no Sherlock, but if this was a TV show she'd be the theif.

diddl · 15/10/2014 11:06

how are toys usually looked after on these fridays, just out of interest/

newsletter sounds a good idea.

"Missing" posters?

TBf, I think I would be a bit Hmm to get an email from school about a missing doll.

Fanton12 · 15/10/2014 11:08

The teacher is apparently very active in the church so I'd be a bit surprised if it was her (!!), but that's the whole point of sending the email - IMO someone has it - it didn't disappear into thin air - and an email noting it is missing might make it reappear - and stop whoever took it from doing a similar thing again?

My daughter only started at this school in March and it's all new to me - no idea how to be one of those mums that seem to instinctively understand/ enjoy school! And even more so over here - it's a whole new world. I sometimes feel like I've regressed to the new girl at school and the Headmistress is watching me 'closely'! Plus I'm the only one who doesn't wear 4 inch heels/ matching silk scarf to drop off! EEK!

OP posts:
Boltsum · 15/10/2014 12:39

The DC are at a school that sounds similar to yours. It's a small school and if something goes missing the first thing the teacher does after a good look round is send an email to all the class children's parents asking if it's ended up in anyones bag by mistake. I thought that was normal, and very sensible. I don't think anything has been missing past the next school day when the parents have checked the bags and found whatever it was.

LadyLuck10 · 15/10/2014 12:52

The thing is as they are only 4 I'm sure parents will be going through their kids bags, and wouldn't someone have found it by now? If no one has turned it in I would just let it go.

PiperIsOrange · 15/10/2014 13:51

A child who was in on Friday night have accidentally taken it home, but is ill at home atm.

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