to not get birthdays?

[scrappydappydoo]

Its my birthday in a couple of weeks time and I'm already being pestered by people about what I'm going to 'do' - ermm well nothing actually I mean I don't get the whole - I'm a year older so I must go and 'celebrate'. I have found what people actually mean is that they want a night out so I'm the excuse - so I'm therefore 'boring' to not do anything. And then I get accused of being worried about getting older - well no - I'm 42 and quite happy with it actually. And dont get me started on why I have to bring in cake for 20+ people or i get accused of being stingy. It just seems bizarre that MY birthday seems to be about making other people happy . Surely i can do what i want which is no fuss at all??

I'm not a birthday fan either. I will happily partake in the birthday shenanigans of others, if that's their thing. But I can't deal with being the centre of attention or dictating where people should be and how they should spend their money and then fretting that people aren't having a good time anyway.

Plus I find it odd to be congratulated for simply not dying in the past 12 months.

YANBU its nobodies business. However am just setting off to spend a "shed load of money on a party for my mates" as its my 40th. Haven't had a biggish event since I got married 10 years ago so its a good excuse. Friends I haven't seen for ages are coming so a good chance for them to catch up with me and with each other, plus local friends. Really looking forward to it (in a slightly stressed way!).

Abit sad to always have low key birthdays. You only live once go for it! I still remember my parents 40ths though DH can't as his parents have no friends and never celebrate anything just go out for the odd meal the two of them. Would not like to end up like my ILs.

YANBU to not want to celebrate, each to their own, why do something you are not going to enjoy in the name of "celebrating" just coz other people want you to?

That said... I LOVE birthdays. I celebrate every year, I do what I want to do, whether it is a meal out, a house party at mine (fancy dress usually!) or spend a load of money on a party for my mates.

My kids have big parties too. I see it as a way of not only celebrating one year older, continuing life and health, but the community and friends around us for which is am so unimaginably grateful.

Lemonade I totally agree. If everyone took the I don't do birthdays hunker down with the family approach life would be duller for it.

I love birthdays! I never understand why they are just for children. However- it is not obligatory to celebrate- ignore if you want to.

Do all you catsbumfaces look down on people who have more than three guests at their weddings, or who refuse to celebrate things like a graduation or winning an award, as well?

I love birthdays and Christmas, and am like an overgrown kid at both. It just wouldn't feel right for me not doing anything at all. Even if I didn't go for a night out, I'd want to at least go for a family meal or something.
I know everyone's different though and some might not want to do anything at all.
It's up to you it's YOUR birthday - stuff what everyone else thinks you should be doing!

SGB love other people's birthdays but don't like mine. Pure vanity as getting far too old.

On a serious note my dh and one of my dss would absolutely hate the attention on them.

Horses for courses.

Solid Are there catsbumfaces?! I'm one of the ones who isn't big on celebrations, as upthread, for things like birthdays or anniversaries, but it doesn't mean we celebrate nothing or dislike others for celebrating!

We had just over 200 people at our wedding, as we invited everyone we knew and wanted them to feel free to bring their families or a plus one, it was a huge celebration for us and we wanted to have all of our friends and family there and our main focus (after marrying!) was sharing with the people we knew and cared about in a way where we didn't have to fret over who could or couldn't come. We recently did a special dinner for a close relative for getting great news as they got a new job that they had been after which will involve a whole lot of other positive changes for them. When SIL graduated recently, we got together, had a meal, treated her, as she was really proud and wanted to celebrate and we were very pleased for her.

Marking our births, or our own graduations, or the date of our wedding, however, just isn't important to us. But throughout the year we treat ourselves and others to special meals, get each other gifts as well as gifts for friends and family, do special things, organise days out together and with other relatives, travel to visit people, just because. It's not really miserable, surely, just different.

I don't like others birthdays and don't quite understand the obsession of inviting everyone you know to the pub or wherever every year. Probably because I would much rather have a close family or very close friends thing and not invite everyone I know. Either than or these people honk of me as a closer friend than I actually am...

...I sounds so grumpy!!

Each to their own, but I like to celebrate things in life. It may just be another 12 months without dying, but in the grand scheme of things that in itself is quite remarkable. And I love to celebrate with my family and friends.

That said, I'm not really keen on hosting parties as such, so tend to have a big family meal out with the whole extended family and a night on the lash with friends.

I find the office culture of bringing in cake for everyone on your birthday quite strange, I'll admit - I've never encountered it in any other country I've lived, though in some places, colleagues would have a glass of champagne in the office at the end of the day when it was someone's birthday. But having to bring in things when it's your own birthday seems odd to me - is it a long-established thing?

YANBU, each to their own and ultimately it's about what the birthday person wants - whether that's to celebrate the day or not. I do think that, as you've found, birthdays very often become about pandering to other people though.

Brassrubbing - that IS weird. I was a bit miffed on my birthday in my first job in England because none of my colleagues bought me a cake or anything - I had NO idea they all expected ME to provide it!! WTF!??

My parents never told me, and honestly, I feel robbed. Looking at how happy and magical santa made christmas for my dc, I wonder why my parents didn"t do that for me.....

I,m fourty one in a couple of weeks I don't really get celebrating thing either last year on my fourtieth I just went away quietly with dh for a couple of days the kids stayed at my parents so it as a nice change my sister had a huge part for her fortieth a couple of years ago however horses/for courses I guess its dh fortieth next may not sure what he/wants to do but he's not really a/ party person either!

I agree, when you get older you want to do less on your birthday, not more!
On my birthday I am very much looking forward to father coming over and doing all the farm jobs for me so I can stay until at least 8am, get up have pancakes made by DW. Then I intend to spend the rest of the day with DW and a book . Twin DC's are having a weekend away with PIL! Amazing !

Scrappy - I am the opposite of you!!! Perhaps I haven't grown up yet and am long term single, but I want (and don't get) the excitement of my 8th birthday back again (not much to ask!!!). Now my parents are both dead, I doubt my brother's family will even remember the date. My aunt will send a card. None of my friends do. If I had a partner, I would inform him that my birthday is THE date to remember. Not an anniversary, certainly not Valentine's Day.

My birthday is about a week after Christmas Day so tends to get forgotten:(

I don't mean I want lots of presents but really all I want is a bit of a fuss made of me!!! Looks like I will be doing it myself. If I ever get a job again, I will save up and treat myself to somethig really nice or a few nice things. SOd 'em all!!!

Man in a woman's world - sounds great!

Deathraystare my birthday is similar time of year plus I shared it with DF and is now the day before DD's.

I have given up bothering about my birthday. DH is similar as his is normally the first day back at school.

This is why we now celebrate anniversaries and St Valentines.

Wow interesting range of responses. Good to know there are others that feel the same. For the record I'm far from a misery guts and my DC, family, and friends have whatever birthday parties and celebrations they want (within reason and budget!). But that's my point I don't want to celebrate my birthday which is my choice but the pressure and harassment I get for this personal choice is really irritating as it seems to be about providing everyone else with a celebration rather than about me. These aren't friend friends BTW more acquaintances who I normally get on well with, work colleagues etc