I don't really get group friendships

[magicpixie]

Perhaps they are just not for me or something but I find group friendships a strange old thing

There always seems to people in the grouo that dont like each other but put up with each other as they like the group on the whole

Often there can be alot of ive done this jve done that im gonna go this

Talking over each other and competitiveness

Had group friends in school at work and school mum group friends which are a whole new world
been in one group for four almost five years
theres a couple I like but I do find these group things weird

Perhaps I fare better within smaller groups or one to ones

But groups are a bit inevitable aren't they?
In that your friends have their own friends, you get introduced, you like them or you don't.
There are always overlapping circles. I have uni friends, mum friends, church friends (don't do work friends). Some I'm really close to, others I know less well but am pleased to see and chat to, some are friends of friends who I wouldn't really elect to spend time with but often wind up in the same place as.
The trick is not to be possessive or offended and not to worry about being left out. I wasn't invited to a 40th party that a lot of my school mum friends went to. No reason at all I should have been as the 'birthday girl' wasn't someone I'm close to but I felt a teeny tiny bit jealous that lots of my good friends had a great time without me. It was unreasonable and I tried not to waste time on that feeling
On the other hand I find it hard to know where to 'draw the line' in group invites. How far down the concentric circle of friendships do you go? I expect I myself sometimes cause people to feel similarly left out.
Bottom line each relationship is individual and all the people in a group have stronger or weaker connections to one another but that is life

This is more a matter of personal opinion than whether or not you're BU.

Some people love the vibrancy of being part of a social group whereas others prefer the intimacy of one on one friendships.

I feel like mamadoc, groups are inevitable.

I love one on one with my best friend, or with another 2 or 3 close friends. I love being in a small group with them too.

But we also have other friends, and their other friends are slightly different to mine and you get into a situation where if you've already got 8 people meeting up for drinks in a bar you might as well open it out.

I think it's strange when people will only meet up as part of the group and get really upset of two people go for a meal or something.

I'm the same. But I've always preferred small numbers or individual people to being part of a big group.

Groups tend to end up being dominated by one person and then the group dances to their tune. They can be hard to extricate yourself from too.

YANBU, but nor am I and I prefer groups generally. I find one on one more hard work.

Swings and roundabouts I say.

The only group friendships I have ever had have been with colleagues - so all going to the pub after work or meeting up for a colleague's birthday etc.

Other than that, I have a small group of close, 1:1 friendships. Much prefer that.

I've never thought about it.

If I like people, I'm surely going to still like them whether I'm socialising with them 1:1 or in a group? Not sure I've understood the AIBU.

Having said that, I think I must have some kind of veil of oblivion - I simply don't recognise talk of school gate bltching or competitive friends or toxic SILs/MILs so I probably don't pick up on the nuances of different group sizes and just take people/situations on face value. I've cut out one "friend" in my almost 40 years on this planet. There are other people I've chosen not to become friends with as I can tell we're not going to click. But if I DO make friends with someone, it doesn't bother me at all whether I meet them on their own or with five other friends.

I think it is a personal preference. I have group friends and closer friends that I spend one on one time. I have limited time for following up friendships and I can't manage more than a handful of close friends, but at the same time there are many more people that I like and want to be friendly with. This is where friendship groups come in. They are a way to chat and connect with several people at once. Among these groups there are people who I probably wouldn't be friends with if I had the option, but others in the group like them and I don't make all the decisions, so I tolerate them. I haven't experienced competitiveness and talking over each other in my friendship groups, but I guess it depends on the people involved.

Groups tend to end up being dominated by one person and then the group dances to their tune.

Yes this puts me off them.

I prefer 1:1s or small groups (up to 3 people) where there isn't that dynamic. I think a lot of it is down to personality though. DH is very much a pack person but I have two or three friends dotted around.

I've been part of a couple of "groups" and I think it depends on the people in it. At Uni, we were just a group of friends, some people closer than others, sometimes we'd spend time together, sometimes not and it wasn't a problem. We're all still friends now to varying degrees.

A recent "mum group" I've been part of actually had a Queen Bee (thought that was a myth) and it was all a bit toxic. Lots of people have been dropped from the group over the years and there was an expectation that you would drop a friend on someone else's say. I found it very weird, I've never been noticed that behaviour before, not even at a girls' school. I've now been dropped and although I'm a bit she'll shocked, I'm very relieved to be out of it all. I know it sounds immensely childish, and it was!

I think as a personal rule I prefer to hang out with people who I like, whether they're part of a group or not.

There is a group with a Queen Bee where I work. I've never experienced it before and it is bizarre. They can only sit with each other at lunch and bitch non stop about other people who aren't in the group. What's strangest of all is that the QB has ranked them in the group, they know their rank and are completing to maintain their place/move up the rank. They know and go along with this. These women are in their 40s. It is incomprehensible to me that they go along with it.

Having said I'm a group-person, I couldn't stand a group with a "leader". Haven't experienced that since school, though.

Perhaps sometimes in the group
Everyone gets on great
I guess it could be really good then

But this group the mum groupbis mixed with a couple of people that dont dislike each other
But wouldnt want to spend time together without the group
And there I a definite queen bee
To be honest the person that put the group together and organises a lot of the things
But who also gets stropy about weird stuff and if people dont go tobone of her dos

She actually gets stropy with them

Perhaps im not a group person

Or perhaps this is just not the group for me

I'm with you magic - I find groups wierd. I had a group friendship for my first term at university. I couldn't get over how much time I had to spend with people I didn't care for and how everything had to be done as a group. And how they didn't like it when I made friends outside the group.

I've always found groups stifling and kind of lonely. I'm much better 1:1. Even random assortment is better than that stable group thing.

But - this is just me. From what I've seen of group friendships, there are benefits. Eg you can do that raccous table in a pub thing and everyone is on the same page. Or its obvious who to invite to a do.

magic I am a group person but that group would not be for me either!

OP I am like you. I can never suss out the relationships in a group thing...I never know when it's ok to just call one person to meet for coffee or whatever.

I am getting a bit better as I get older....I have recently made a group friendship thing with other Mums at school...one asked me out to the pub and then said "Shall we ask x and x too?" and I thought "Why?" about one of them but agreed anyway.

Now we often go out together....I have no idea why they include me as I'm a bit different to them...but they seem to like me...they're all professional and well off and I live in a council flat and earn a pittance in the arts....but still. I just go alone and we have a laugh.