To think regular 30 minute conversations and multiple daily text messages with another woman

[fourforapound]

Is not normal or ok when you are married? Even if you are 'just friends and chatting'

In my job I have close contact with a man who is in charge of an outside agency. I have daily contact with him, arrange bookings & meet him once a week for coffee & a chat.

He told me his wife hated my predecessor due to the close contact they had, but apparently she is fine about me as I have a husband & children!!

I have to say, I wouldn't be happy if it was dh, but both the freelancer and myself know there's nothing between us (apart from 20 years!)

never in front of me it's always when walking the dog or going to/from work.

So how do you know about the calls then?

Good question from Fairenuff.

The fact that he is hiding the content of the texts, & won't call her in front of you, is odd. Do you have reason to distrust him otherwise?

Why bother to nc for this? Are you concerned your DP may read it?

I have a male best friend and we spend a daft amount of time texting and my DH is fine with it.

I never delete any of the texts.

It does sound very suspicious.

Yes, deleted texts sounds suspect. Ask about them and the phone calls and see what his reaction is.

I hope the OP comes back, because I'm really curious about the answer to Fairenuff's question (Tue 14-Oct-14 22:35:51)

There are many contexts where this wouldn't bother me. But if the calls always take place when I'm not around and the texts get deleted, then I would be very, very suspicious. Not OK.

I'd be suspicious under your circumstances. Generally I would find it weird, purely because there is no way I'd spend that long talking to someone on a regular basis, male or female, so I'd be surprised if my DH did.

My DH calls/texts/messages/emails women all day long at work - I have no idea who they are, what they look like, etc etc, but it's work and I trust him.

I think it sounds a bit odd. Maybe I'm antisocial - but I'd find that sort of contact with anyone, male or female, a bit excessive (once outside of teenage years)

Definitely not OK on his part. Sorry, OP.

Its the manner in which he is conducting himself, not the time/frequency in my opinion. I have a colleague who will ring me for some work related info and then we might spend 30 mins chatting (his extension which has been going on forever, CD I purchased at his recommendation, his wedding plans and how they are coming on)/ I don't contact him outside work but we are mates. That being said, I would answer his call in front of DP and I know that his fiancée knows who I am and what I do - its the secrecy that is inappropriate

It wouldn't bother me personally, DH has male and female friends, as do I.

Crikey... I do this, and regularly delete my call logs... maybe DH thinks I am shagging around! Actually, he clears his call history and his laptop history too... maybe he is hiding something!

Oh no.... no! Maybe it's just what we do, how we speak to colleagues and friends and how we keep our phones and laptops clean, virus free!

Do you have reason to suspect him, OP??

I have a male friend I email probably once a day - we just chat nonsense about our days.

He is married to one of my best friends at school - we've met 4 times, at his wedding, at my wedding and 2 group social occasions since.

It is nothing remotely dodgy or emotional or sexual - it is honest to god dull old shooting the breeze.

I don't know if that helps, but I know DH got funny about it at one point as I guess he just couldn't understand it. The thing is, I've had friends throughout my life who are geographically different and chatting to them by email has been an inherent part of my day.

( just to say, I think DH got funny about it as we never really 'knew' each other in person too much. We just got chatting on fb, but was on the back of our mutual weddings and our chat always included our partners (and not in a slag-them-off emotional affair type way! Just an, "oh, X and I are off the cinema" type way.

We are so dull it's laughable the idea that it could be anything more, really.

Going out to phone frequently, deleting texts sounds like OW to me. Sorry but it does. I have contact with two male friends (not as often as OP's DH and his friend or whatever) but their DWs know and so does my DH. We meet with our families and have a meal or a trip somewhere. I don't hide anything because there is nothing to hide. So anyone being secretive is an immediate red flag.

Just caught up with this. Yes, making the phone calls only when he's out seems worrying, as does deleting the messages. Suggests he has something to hide.