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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to give up on potty training and put dd back in nappies?

25 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 14/10/2014 20:58

We started potty training around two months ago. Ditched the nappies except for sleeping, and committed to big girl pants. After a week we had two days with no accidents and thought it was cracked. Now i don't think we have had an entirely accident free day since. Probably wetting five pairs of pants a day before finishing on the potty or toilet. Wibu to give up and put her back in nappies? She is 2 and a half.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 14/10/2014 21:01

Yes, give up. She's not ready yet.

Try again in a couple of months, but continue to leave the potty around, and put her on it before you change her nappy each time.

dorasee · 14/10/2014 21:05

This is a tough one. Toilet training really is two steps forward and five back. It can take a while. I am so not a Gina Ford fan BUT her potty training in one week book really helped. It didn't happen in a week but it got us through a similar situation to yours. It got us over the hump and on sure footing. DD got it quickly once I started using strategies set out on this book.

askyfullofstars · 14/10/2014 21:12

This happened with our ds. I put him in pull ups, felt like a complete failure.
6 months later he just randomly said "daddy I want a wee on the toilet" and have barely looked back since. He was 2.5 when I gave up the first time, showed all the "signs", but I guess it just wasnt his time.

sconequeen · 14/10/2014 21:15

Why wouldn't you go back to nappies? She clearly isn't ready yet. There are no medals in the toilet training race - just lots of hassle, mess and heartache when you enter it too early!!!

waithorse · 14/10/2014 21:15

Sounds like she isn't ready. Putting her back in nappies isn't a failure.

SomethingOnce · 14/10/2014 21:27

We didn't have to train DD at all.

Not being smug, honest, it was just a case of letting it happen in its own time (with some gentle encouragement).

Nothing wrong with going back to nappies.

Eva50 · 14/10/2014 21:30

I would go back to nappies or pull-ups for the moment. She should "get it" really quickly once she's ready.

BettyFocker · 14/10/2014 21:35

YANBU.

Like PPs have said, if she's ready it will just click. 7 weeks of wetting up to five pairs of pants clearly shows she's not ready. It can't be doing much for her confidence or your sanity! Put her back in nappies and try again in a few months.

bberry · 14/10/2014 21:36

I did the Gina ford book too.... Took more than a week but stuck with it and our girl is amazing.... Soooooo much easier than nappies... Even with the odd accident!!!

pointythings · 14/10/2014 21:38

Put her back in nappies, she isn't ready. We had similar with DD1 only didn't last as long - back in nappies after 2 days at 2 yrs 4 months. Exactly 2 months later she adamantly refused a nappy after a spell in the paddling pull, we put her in pants and she was dry, clean and using the toilet most times instead of the potty within 7 days.

With DD2 we just waited for the nappy refusal and the same thing happened with her, sorted in a week. It really is worth waiting until they are genuinely ready.

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 14/10/2014 21:38

Does feel a bit of a failure, but my real concern is that it might be a bit counterproductive , having done the whole"you're a big girl, you wear pants" to just give up. But then i don't know if having daily accidents for a prolonged period will do more damage!

OP posts:

BettyFocker · 14/10/2014 21:43

I doubt wetting herself everyday until she "gets it" is going to do her any good. In a few months time she'll be familar enough with the potty to know what it's for as well as being able to use it accident-free. I don't think going back to nappies now will be counter productive at all. Just tell her she's done really well but we'll try again in a few months.

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 14/10/2014 21:44

She does only dampen her pants, doesn't make a puddle on the floor or anything- she says i need a wee, but has usually already peed a bit, but then does a proper wee in the toilet or potty. And she probably goes more times with no accidents, it is just the continued frequency is a bit disheartening.

OP posts:

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 14/10/2014 21:49

It's not a failure. My DD is 3 and didn't become dry until just before her third birthday. It's normal. Just go back to pull ups. We MIL started potty training too early IMO. We had the same problem. She was dry for a bit and then completely digressed. She got there in the end.

Don't be too hard on yourself

sleepylittlebunnies · 14/10/2014 22:11

I had a lot of pressure at DS 2 year check from the hv to have him potty trained before DD1 arrived. I didn't know what the signs were but was sure he wasn't ready. I also bought the GF potty training book and it confirmed my thoughts. He gradually started showing positive signs ie going into another room out of sight to do a wee or poo, asking to be changed straight away, would sit on the potty and could pull his trousers up and down independently. He was 2.6 when he refused a nappy, it was good timing for me, on mat leave but DD no longer newborn. Hv didn't think winter was a good time but he had 2 accidents in the first week and none since.

DD1 was trickier, she was 3 when she seemed ready and never went back in nappies but did have days when she would wet and still does at 5 though not frequent and only damp as she puts off going to the toilet if she is having fun. DD2 has suffered with constipation and despite showing signs of readiness has been scared of sitting on the potty or toilet. Until a few days ago that is. She has done wees and poos a special new potty and empties it into the toilet but I know I can't cope with accidents at the moment so she has knickers at home and nappies when we are out which she seems fine with for now.

So don't worry about giving up or only doing it when you feel you can give it your full attention. They and we are all different, just wait till she seems ready and try again, no pressure. It isn't a race although I do remember buying DS nappies in Sainsburys and the check out guy commenting that his son was fully trained by 10 months

BlackeyedSusan · 14/10/2014 22:17

try panti liners to catch the drips?

SomethingOnce · 14/10/2014 22:19

Ten months, eh?

Righty-ho.

missingmumxox · 14/10/2014 23:44

My twins potty trained themselves, one at 2 1/2, I had talked to the nursery manager the day before about it and she went into the basic in and ours and why boys find it harder, I said I would start on the Thursday giving me 4 days at home to try and get it established, he clearly new the drill from other children in the nursery and at pick up the next day, the manager said, I thought you where starting on Thursday? Could you put him in pants? Turned out he had no nappy on when he arrived?? I found it later at home!
He had 2 accidents over the first 2 days and the odd one at night, but basically dry, and totally dry by 3, I obviously jumped straight into training his twin, gave up after a week, I tried on and off over the months nothing seemed to work, so I thought fuck it! If he is still in nappies at 4 1/2 I will take him to the paed, at 4 and one month he just asked me take his nappy off and wear boy pants and like his brother a couple of accident over the first 2 days and then dry, he had more accidents at night, nightly for a month or so then at least once a week until nearly 5 then completely dry.
I was very lucky with both of them.

sleepylittlebunnies · 15/10/2014 00:17

Yeah exactly Somethingonce! Pity at that moment I couldn't think of anything witty to say without sounding bitter. I think I just said something along the lines of not knowing of anyone who has potty trained a baby under 1 year old. Although DM managed to catch my sisters morning poo everyday for a while at around 4 months, DM says she was so predictable she could hold her over the potty and save on washing a terry nappy for a couple of months until Dsis changed her times. However she has never claimed that she was trained, just timed

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 15/10/2014 07:06

My own mother claims i was dry at 11 months. Having a ten month old i am dubious at best. Maybe i should skip her sister and start the baby!

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/10/2014 07:13

I do think everyone else is right. But I will say that not very lid will show they are ready. If you wait for your kid to decide it may well never happen. Kids can be stubborn and get into habits and be resistant to change even if physically they are capable of it.

It's hard to tell if they aren't ready or if they are just "putting up a fight" or being lazy. DD1 never showed Any signs at all. I did it at two and she was dry in a week. She'd have carried on for months in nappies if id let her.

DD2 never showed Any signs either. We had two days of constant accidents in was convinced she didn't get it/wasnt ready etc put her back in pull ups only for her to ask for the loo the next day and bar a few accidents with leaving it too late she was trained within 2/3 weeks.

Eva50 · 15/10/2014 09:03

If she's not being very wet then get the pull-ups with the pictures (I don't know what's on them these days) and refer to them as "comfy pants" or "snugly pants" or any other name you think she might like as oppose to nappies or pull-ups. Carry on taking her to the toilet and you can change the pants as necessary but accidents won't be a problem.

ShakyStart · 15/10/2014 09:52

Just to say, I began potty training my eldest at 2.5 as this was the recommendation in most articles on potty training that I had read. We had at least three months worth of accidents and it was a nightmare. With my youngest I waited until he was one month from being three and I didn't even have to potty train him. I just showed him the potty and he has taken to weeing and pooing in it brilliantly. He's had all of about five accidents since we began three months ago. I would recommend to anyone now not to rush into potty training. Wait until they are nearly three and I'm sure they'll pick it up without any real training needed. I just wish I'd known that the first time around!

elsbethy · 15/10/2014 10:53

I've heard a lot of people (HVs, other mums, etc) advise that it's an all or nothing thing, and that once you start you can't give up. I think that's nonsense.

I tried DD a couple of times and she was clearly not ready. When we eventually did it, around her 3rd birthday, it was really easy. I'd wait and try again in a few months.

skylark2 · 15/10/2014 12:47

Since she seems to nearly have it, I'd go with pullups rather than back to nappies. I'd think it was rather confusing for a little one who'd been encouraged to use the potty / say when she needed to go and was getting it right much of the time to suddenly go back to being expected just to pee in the nappy.

Absolutely you can give up having started if kiddy hasn't got a clue - I did several times, but it was obvious that she hadn't got a clue!

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