AIBU to think the only person causing favourtism is MIL?

[Beth2511]

I have a DSD aged 6 (nearly 7) and baby on the way next month with partner. I have done absolutely everything to make sure the girls are treated exactly the same, OH gives me full discapline rights and I often have DSD alone. My family have welcomed DSD with open arms, they treat her exactly the same, if they get baby something they will get DSD something too. My mum has planned that once baby is here she is opening them both a savings account to put something away for them each month. I don't think I or my family could do anything else to make it equal.

Now OH mother adores DSD, and since finding about the baby has said her concern about DSD being pushed out etc. However, MIL keeps saying things like how the only grandchild she will ever have stay over is DSD or take on weekends away will be DSD. To me that is favourtism and if I'm not BU I will put my foot down against this happening. I can understand things wont be equal until baby is a little older, that's fair enough but to say she will never have baby overnight etc isn't fair. My cousins still resent the fact I was the only one to ever stay over my grandparents and that is just cousins. I really don't want it for my baby, especially when they are sisters.

I don't know what quite to do to make it clear that especially with how my family have been so full on in making sure they treat DSD exactly like they will baby before she is even here that their mutual nanna could at least try or how I will make it clear that if there is favourtism it will upset my family who will try and compensate by giving baby extra. Not out of nastiness but because they won't stand by and see DSD getting loads that baby doesn't get so will want to equal it out. Feel like MIL is going to be the crack in this blended family that is actually looking like it is going to work well.

AIBU?

Wow that was a ramble and a half but playing on my mind!

Not nice for you at all. Although it may be MiL trying to plan and lay down her own feelings, albeit in a tactless way, that she won't let the new baby lead to DSD feeling anything less in her eyes, and you may also (I hope) find that MiL's views in 'theory' about the baby will change radically when the baby is actually here.

Not nice.

My dad's mum was the same with me. Only she took a dislike to me because she didn't like my mum. Never had me over night or to play, never took me anywhere. Bought my second hand toys when my cousins had new. Bought me a second hand buggy that collapsed on me.

In the end my mum stopped me seeing her, I never had a relationship with her and she died last year.

It's awful but I guess my point is will it do your dd less harm to not see her, if it gets to that stage. If mil won't treat them fairly, and take both out then neither goes.

I had this too and all same parents, huge panic over older child being pushed out its natural and not to do with being DSD I promise its a normal and common thing, I understand how anoying it is though,
my older never ever thought for a second anything negative may cime of sibling and certianly never ever thought she would be pushed out, luckily i was able to manage and shut up relatives who kept going in about it

thankfully i was able to lavish older with attention, from the get go , as baby slept so much. so if anything older got more attention in those precious first few weeks....then as baby grew more demanding her place was already wedging in the family so it all seemed more natural if you see what i mean....

I think its great your mil wants to spend alone time with dsd and it may be nice for dsd to have this time, too, when baby comes at some point but you need to be firm with her, that DSD is not going to be pushed ot and it really imp to you to keep everything positive about baby coming.

Can you just say things like "well, dont forget, you have two grandaughters now MIL" etc? Id be so pissed off at both her grandkids being treat so differently.

Sounds like it's time for your OH to have a conversation with your MIL, opening with "So Mum, I hear you're planning to treat my two children differently from each other ..."