To be slightly offended by friend talking about money a lot?

[PenguinBear]

We are struggling financially at the moment. Some friends of ours have recently come into a lot of money due to a family bereavement.

They have done lots of lovely things to their house and we have been invited round on numerous occasions to view new carpets, jacuzzi, curtains, car etc.

They are great friends (we've been friends for many years and dc are growing up together). Financially we used to be in a similar position to them but now we are struggling.

It just feels like they are unintentionally rubbing it in our faces. We saw them at the weekend and they talked about they had set up a fund for each child with £30,000 for when they want a car/house/ uni etc.Great for them, I can't even afford to give mine 3p at the moment.

It's not like they don't know, they ask about money a lot and know very definitely we have issues so it isn't like they 'forgot'.

Not sure how to broach it with them without being rude. I've done the whole jokey 'it's alright for some' but the message isn't going in!

It's new for them so they're probably just overexcited.

Id just say quietly, I am very happy for you and love what you've done with the house etc. I would do the same in your shoes but we are struggling at the moment and so could we not talk about money?

They'll probably not have realised and be embarrassed at their faux pas.

Mrsc has it.

Personally, I don't like taking about money at all, whether it's about how much, or how little someone has, but if you've been the kind of friends who do talk about it, it's unlikely to change because their circumstances have.

Do you really like these people? Because (a) inviting someone around to see your new carpet sounds pretty weird. (0

Duh. I mean, what possible interest does anyone have a someone else's carpet?? And endless talk about their new cash to struggling friends makes them sound insensitive as well as weird. If you want to save the friendship, be direct.

YANBU, they are being rude. Talking about money (excessively, with detail) is vulgar anyway and is very likely to annoy people. You are within your rights to respond as you have in your OP tbh. They may be excited, but it's basic manners to not go on about how coined you are.

I would keep my distance for a whole until the novelty wears off a bit. They are being insensitive and crass talking about all their new found wealth.

Talking about money, assetts and blatantly boasting about the amount you have is bad form regardless of whether the person you're aiming it at is hard up or not, the fact you do happen to be struggling financially at the minute only makes it worse. I assume they're fully aware of what you're going through financially as well? Tut, shame on them really.

If I knew a friend was struggling I'd feel really conscious about mentioning anything extravagant I'd bought, certainly wouldn't take it as an opportunity to show off! Why would you ever be interested in their chuffing carpets and curtains anyway FGS? .

It sounds like having spare cash is pretty new to your friends and they're enjoying it. We never mention money to friends or new carpets/cars/curtains. I'd never have folk round to see any of it either, that's just odd! If you mention it they may think you're jealous of their good fortune. Make an excuse not to view the new curtains/car/carpets.

Are you friends with

It's not weird honestly Brass! norm to me anyway. We used to be neighbours but we had to move to a village in a cheaper area. (Still only about 20mins away).
But they'll text something like 'do you want to all come over for coffee Saturday afternoon? Our new carpets are in!" It's been over 16 years of friendship now!
When we were neighbours the DC were in and out of our houses all the time and we were frequently having bbqs/ wine/ coffee etc.

They probably don't mean anything by it. They are just excited to have come into all this money. But it is difficult for you. It would be a shame to ruin the friendship but still it's a bit insensitive of them to go on and on when they know you're hard up. Just avoid them for a while to see if it they get any better.

Yanbu. But you do sound a bit jealous. It's hard for you if you've always had similar financial circs and now they are well off. Do you think your friends are doing this deliberately?

Are they really showing off or do you go round for eg dinner and comment "nice carpet" etc. I don't talk about anything I've bought or had done unless it's commented on. It's bad manners and dull!!

I don't mind friends who show off. I generally just try not to envy them in a sour way. I think so long as I'm happy I don't mind what friends have.

YANBU

Up to people how they spend their money but talking about it to others isn't very good.

If I have a new carpet/sofa whatever I invite folk round to drink wine and marvel at my taste

Any excuse for wine really. But likewise, if one of my friends paints a doorknob we are all round to drink wine and ooh over it.

Jeremy Clarkson's article in the Times this Sunday covered this. Yes, I know, it's JC, but this one rang true for me.

His point was that in the US, if a neighbour gets a new car everyone will be pleased for them, "awesome, show me the gadgets" etc. I in the UK we'll be twitching the curtains and saying "it's Ok for some"

Obviously it's natural for the OP to feel some jealousy but is it really too much to expect her to be pleased for her friends too?

Showing off a new carpet's not that different to showing off new shoes, or is that odd too?

IMO, the sharing of the excitement is fine, good in fact. It's not good if you say what you've spent though. i.e "I got a new job/came in to some money, lets celebrate" is great. "I got a £5k pay rise" or "my DF left me £50k so I'm going to spend £20 on a car and £5k on a carpet" , isn't.

I should mention that I never have anything new and my contribution is usually that I have cleaned the floor or sanded a windowsill (Wine worthy clearly.)