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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds, part time work and world challenge.

34 replies

zippyandbungle · 14/10/2014 16:47

I'm quite prepared to be told I am and right now I feel like the worst mum on the planet.

Ds committed to world challenge trip to Nepal, for full disclosure I wasn't hugely impressed but thought that the whole fundraising, working for an end would be a good experience.

A year on and he has made very little effort to fund raise and only managed a small amount with a real effort on my part.

So he has been invited to an interview for a part time job via a friend of mine and he's refusing to go.

I'm so mad and have gave him the ultimatum of going to the interview or we are cancelling the WC trip. He shrugged.

I know he's really looking forward to it and I do think it would be good for him plus we have been paying monthly do would lose over 1k if we cancel.

So am I being unreasonable to cancel?

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 14/10/2014 16:57

My DD did this a few years ago, and she wasn't much with the fund-raising. But she did learn to swim for her trip (we had to sign that she could swim 50 yards). The trip (to Peru) was so great for her in every way, it really was.

Your DS will mature over the coming year (am assuming trip is next summer?) - maybe he might even mature enough to consider how to pay you back? So I don't think I would cancel.

ijustwanttobeme · 14/10/2014 17:11

DD did this last year. From the outset she knew she'd be paying half the cost. It helped she already had a part time job, so could afford the monthly payments.

Maybe your DS will come round, as £1000 is quite a bit to write off (well would have been for me). However, if you don't cancel, and end up paying for the whole trip will he be expected to pay you back?

Feel your pain. Hope gets sorted.

Ragwort · 14/10/2014 17:15

How old is your DS? Is he using his own savings (if he has any) to part fund the trip? Did you make it a condition that christmas/birthday gifts would be money for the trip?

It's a very difficult situation, I feel for you .......... but I can understand you don't want to lose the £1k you have already paid.

I suppose you could tell him that if you have to cancel he will have to repay the £1k himself, but I don't know how you would make him. Confused.

Nandocushion · 14/10/2014 17:39

Well, it's not much of a challenge if he does little to work towards it and/or gets you to do it for him.

You may have to re-think the interview ultimatum, but is there any way you can stop paying monthly, and tell him from now on it's up to him, and discuss with him how he's going to make it happen? I wouldn't want to lose 1K either, but effectively you are just paying for him to go on a nice trip. You could have done that without all this hassle.

KnackeredMuchly · 14/10/2014 17:41

How much is left to pay?

DilligafMyUKIP · 14/10/2014 18:07

Do you not think if he went to Nepal and saw the poverty it might give him the kick up the backside he needs?

Original poster
zippyandbungle · 14/10/2014 18:09

He is just 16, one reason I was reserved about him signing up was exactly this, I know how laid back and entitled he can be but he promised that he would make an effort to raise the money. There is still another 1.7k to raise.

It's just such a lot of money to us and I don't think he realised this. I'm a bit calmer now I've asked him to send my friend an email to thank them but decline.

I just want to see a bit of effort.

OP posts:
whois · 14/10/2014 18:13

Does he get any pocket money/allowance? If so Hoe about putting half that towards his 'savings'?

I went on one of those at 16. Quite tricky to get a job when under 16 and GCSE years. Think I managed to get £1.5k from some work and asking for only money for the birthdays and Christmases in the run up and saving 1/2 my allowance. Mum & dad had to cough up the rest. At least I tried tho!

The fundraising is bullshit, why should other people pay for your son to go have a holiday in Peru/Borneo/wherever?

I think it's incredebly misleading when WC say you can and should fundraise.

Justyouwaitandsee · 14/10/2014 18:19

I signed up at 15 and went away when I was 17. I raised the full amount by myself, predominantly through a part time job and money for Christmas and birthdays. Family and friends helped me out with the purchase of kit.

Singmetosleepzzz · 14/10/2014 18:35

Would calling his bluff work? Maybe you could contact the school to find a replacement who could pay you rather than the place being wasted and money lost. Then would the threat of not going spur him on a bit? So sorry, he basically knows deep down you will cough up.

Topseyt · 14/10/2014 18:36

My eldest daughter considered going on one of these trips whilst in sixth form at school. It was to Japan and she would either have to earn/fundraise £4,000 within less than 2 years to fund it. Either that or she would have had to blow all her savings on it in one fell swoop, and she was counting on having those as back-up when she went to uni (where she now is). I have nothing against such trips and they sound like a great experience, but we could not afford to help out very much with cost at the time as I was still job hunting and money was tight.

I went to the information evening about it with her, and I can still hear some of the derisive snorts from parents when the rep from the company organising it said that "the idea is for them to raise and earn the money all themselves, not raiding the Bank of Mum and Dad at all". AHEM!! Sure. Of course they would never do that and would each be able to magically pluck £4,000 from somewhere!! Hmm In the end she decided not to go as she knew it was unrealistic and wanted to guard her savings (wisely, I felt at the time).

Has your son given any reason why he does not want to be interviewed for the part time job? It wouldn't just help him with fund raising, it would look good on his CV when he finishes school or uni and needs to apply for jobs.

My daughter did have a weekend job. It wouldn't have paid her anywhere near enough to cover the trip though, and left her with virtually no free time to fundraise.

wobblyweebles · 14/10/2014 18:37

I would cancel the trip at this point.

Preciousbane · 14/10/2014 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 14/10/2014 18:44

I meant to add, I would consider pulling the plug on the trip now too, but would tell him that if you cannot get your money back then you will expect him to repay it to you (can be over a protracted period if needed), so he will be needing the job anyway.

Leeds2 · 14/10/2014 18:52

I would have a full and frank discussion with him. As Tops said, if you have to cancel make sure he knows that he will have to repay you, and that it will come from Christmas, birthday money etc until the deficit is made up. Just be aware that if you pull out now, you may still be liable for the full cost of the trip, so do check that first.

I have no problem supporting fundraising for trips like this if I get something for my money e.g. a cupcake, a car wash, a dog walking service. The son of one of my friends simply sent me an email asking me to give him cash! I was a bit aghast!!

PrivateJourney · 14/10/2014 19:03

Aren't the trip and the job interview really separate things?

I think he should do the interview, regardless of what you decide about the trip.

Original poster
zippyandbungle · 14/10/2014 19:10

The fundraising was always something that would be akin to work not sponsorship as the whole world challenge thing does stink of privileged kids on a jolly and as such I wouldn't expect other people to give him a handout.
I need to sit down with him and see if he has any intention of stepping up.

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 14/10/2014 19:14

I'd cancel it, absolutely.

I'd let him know how furious it was, and how I expect £500 to be repaid.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 14/10/2014 19:24

How long does he have to raise the money? If he gets a minimum wage job he'll have to work 450 hours to raise £1.7k (assuming he'd be under the tax and NI thresholds). That's 8-9 hours a week for a year...

LynetteScavo · 14/10/2014 19:40

I really feel for you... DS1 wanted to sign up for world challenge recently, but one reason we/didn't was because I could see something line this happening...personally I could lose the £1000, so cancelling wouldn't be an option. In your shoes I would end up paying the balance myself, then when ds experienced an amazing trip feeling like the best mother ever.

I feel like a crap mother for not signing DS up for the tripHmm - if I could have written a cheque for £34000 I would have, but as he's 15yo I think it's too much pressure to out on him to expect he raise the money.

Well done for committing.
To the world challenge.. You are obviously a fab mum. If your DA spent want to raise to the challenge the it's his loss.....

Original poster
zippyandbungle · 14/10/2014 19:43

Just to mention we never expected him to raise it all, we can afford it just, but he knew we needed to see a real effort on his part to make a substantial contribution.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 14/10/2014 19:45

I think if I could afford it I'd pay the balance. And hope to be repaid some of the money at least. Because it will be a good experience for him and it's a lot of money to write off. But it is very annoying that he won't even go for the interview for ths part-time job.

saoirse31 · 14/10/2014 19:46

What is the point of these trips, what exactly is the challenge? sounds like expensive holiday tbh. I'd stop paying.

Viviennemary · 14/10/2014 19:46

Sorry cross post. You are absolutely right to expect him to make some effort at least.

LynetteScavo · 14/10/2014 19:56

Sorry, posting on phone... Just pay for him. It will be a great experience for him. In an ideal world he would work weekends to make money to pay for the trip...and I'm sur many teenage boys do....but realistically teenage boys can't see the benefit of forking hard to raise money to have a great experienced in Nepal, or stay at home playing Xbox now, and then more Xbox next year rather than going on the trip.

He's still a child after all....

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