Aibu to feel hurt initially, Aibu to still feel hurt, Aibu to defriend

[okeydonkey]

Hi
This is a bit weird as it happened over a year ago but I recently can't shake from my mind.
I had a baby around 2 years ago, my DP was a pita as he carried on going out and living a carefree lifestyle, he was awful to be honest and I left him for a month. We got back together but saw counsellor. I went out with these friends (initially dp's friends) that are in a couple and my DP reluctantly stayed in looking after baby. The couple told me that I must have PND to have finished with him, that I wouldn't meet anyone else if I was single as I have a baby and if I wasn't with DP I wouldn't give my baby a good life ie holidays etc, that I'm not as strong as my other friend who is single mum, and I should stop complaining about being tired.they told me I needed counselling.
anyway I went home and the next day was upset, I told DP who said it wasn't nice and at a later date he said she didn't have PND it was me being awful as to her reactions.
I contacted my old counsellor anyway as I was up and down regarding DP and emotional since baby, moving house etc. I told her I was upset about what friends have said.
The couple had a baby recently and I was expecting an apology as they may have realised having a baby is tough. But they've not apologised. I just feel "what do they think of me" other friends around that time were sympathetic and said if you need child care help if relationship doesn't work out then I'm here.
Aibu to have felt upset, Aibu to still feel annoyed and Aibu to cut them out now or should I explain to them that they upset me over a year ago

I think you need to work out why you're still dwelling on it.

Maybe it's an apology from your DH you're after for behaving like a twat rather than an apology from them? How are things with DH now?

Up and down really. I haven't forgiven him. I want to but can't seem to do it. I said to him when baby was a few weeks old in middle of night that I couldn't do it, he said you wanted a baby, the next day I was fine it was just a wobble, but I wanted him to support me. I can't forget that. Dwell dwell dwell, it's all I seem to do on the matter

He supports me now, he very very occasionally goes out.

I would leave it, they are probably too proud to apologise, or probably so thick skinned they didn't realised they had hurt you. I would not have anything to do with them. Yes your dp is the problem where, blaming you and not supporting you.

Thank you for your replies.
I don't think I want to know them anymore really

They probably can't even remember the conversation and had no clue how hurt you were and still are.

They've recently lost a friend through trying to tell them what to do.
Yes I doubt they remember.

I'd cut them out, block their numbers and FB accounts, if you bump into them, ignore, if they follow you tell them to go waste someone else's time. They're cunts who bullied you when you were vulnerable because they could. People like that aren't worth anything, they don't deserve a second more of your attention.

There's no point in allowing anybody into your life who isn't a benefit to you. Let toxic people give each other stress related cancer/ strokes/ heart attacks. Don't give them the pleasure of harming you.

Be good to yourself. Do what strengthens you and makes you happy and peaceful. Be ruthless in cutting out unnecessary stress and idiots who cause it.

Yanbu.

I'd stop being friends with them too.

You can't erase what they said and however nicely they treat you from now on, it will always be in the back of your mind.

A part of you will always know that this is what they really think of you, and it doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

Speaks volumes that they have lost a friend recently through trying to tell them what to do.

Life is too short to be "friends" with people like this.

They are not family, they are clearing not terribly nice people and seem very ready to assert their strident opinion whether its wanted or not. I would just sack them off, life is too short to spend your free time with wankers. I would say though OP that you should look at why this is still bugging you so much, you clearly have some unresolved feelings about what went on at the time. I say that with all love and respect and the fact that I have been there myself - life is better when you can let things go.

Thank you newdawnforever that's made me feel better.

Sahkoora that's true I will always think of what they said

QueenofallIsee- I agree I really want to let go, maybe I will now I've decided to "dump" them. My mission is to forgot about it now.
Thank you all!

I can totally understand why you are hurt they sound rather callous amd inconsiderate. Its understandable that its playing on your mind since they have just had a baby and they still can't see how hurtful their attitude was to you.
Have you ever told them how their attitude has upset you?
Do you see them often or can they be avoided?

I've never told them, my DP says I'm dwelling too much and I should forgive. But I can't as it's awful I don't think I want friends who think that. They can be avoided but we have some mutual friends. They will feel shocked if I cease contact

Bollocks to forgiving. They sound moronic and insensitive. What a stupid thing to say to a struggling new mother with an unsupportive partner. I wouldn't trouble myself any further with these people, and would focus on how to move ahead inside myself, and on the good thing that your DP is now behaving like an actual father and partner. Nothing you are likely to get from these people is likely to give you the closure you would like, but maybe with your counsellor you could explore other ways of putting the incident to bed -writing them a letter? But I wouldn't feel in the least unreasonable for dwelling on 'advice' that was so cruel and stupid, and continuing to be hurt by it.

You don't need to do anything obvious just gradually withdraw.

Well of course your DP isn't bothered by what they said they basically condoned his behaviour and blamed you!

Just grow distant. You don't have to forgive or like or want friendship. Life is too short to waste on dickheads.