to think its normal to be upset at the thought of job hunting after 10 years?

[Acunningruse]

Due to company restructuring blah blah I am being made redundant. I am absolutely devastated and terrified of finding something new, I don't know where to start having been out of the job market so long. I can't sleep for worrying (not so much about money as I will get ok redundancy package and DH on a good salary) but more about the change. I am so settled in our current routine and in this job and I hate the thought of the upheaval to our family life as well as finding a new job- it looks like slim pickings for part-time roles in my area.

I am sick of everyone I tell about it saying what a great opportunity this is, a fresh start, chance to do something new etc. I just don't feel this way at all I feel scared and anxious not knowing what the future holds. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

DH was initially supportive but now he is implying that I should be feeling less upset about it by now (it happened 2 weeks ago). It doesn't help that because I am so upset and worried about the whole thing my sex drive has gone AWOL. Friends I speak to are making me feel like I should be embracing this exciting new opportunity.

I am basically being made to feel like I am being OTT in my reaction but surely after such a long time out of the job market it is normal to feel this way?

I totally understand but for different reasons.
I've been out of the job market for 10 years as been a SAHM but I will be looking at job hunting very soon and it TERRIFIES me!

Totally normal, enforced change is scary. It's not as if you had pre-planned a new career with time to reconcile yourself to change. My advice would be to take it easy and never mind what other people say.

I'm sure people are just trying to reassure you that good things can come out of events like this. I was made redundant a few years ago (having just turned down a job offer to stay with the company who were restructuring) and was gutted, but it genuinely did lead me to a change which has made me happier than my previous job ever did or could have done.
Whilst it might be reassuring for people to be sympathetic and agree that it's a shitty thing to happen, most people probably do really think this could be a good chance to do something new and aren't trying to diminish your feelings about it. It's understandable that you might feel anxious, but if you aren't going to be in financial trouble over it, then you are in a better position than most and other people are probably just trying to draw your attention to the positives rather than ramping up your fears by agreeing with you. I would also imagine that your friends probably think you are accomplished and capable so their responses are based on that rather than worries about changing your routine or having to get used to a new workplace. Good luck in your job hunt and hopefully you will find a role which offers you change for the better...

It's absolutely normal to be feeling the way you do.

Partly, you must be feeling very unsettled given you were established in the company and knew your routine, your colleagues, all the little details of a workplace.

What might help you move forward is to try and take back control.

Try and make a plan for things to do which will move you forward towards your next role. It might include elements such as looking at job websites, talking to friends and colleagues to identify opportunities, using LinkedIn, doing some training, refreshing your CV, investigating some large employers near you, or different towns/commutes. Think about when you will do these things, and how you want to have made progress over the next few weeks.

It might make you feel like you have more of an active role in your future, rather than things happening to you?

It's definitely normal to feel like that. I may have to start applying for other jobs soon after 10 years in the same job and it's a scary prospect! I've got lots of good colleagues at present and the main worry is the thought of having to get to know lots of new people.
Let alone not knowing whether I will actually get any job I go for in the first place!

Completely normal. Can you spend some of your redundancy on careers counselling, or out-placement support? They'll help you identify your skills, brush up your CV, etc. My old work used to provide this for all redundancy leavers (until they made so many people redundant they couldn't afford it). I found it really helpful and worth spending some cash on.

I feel for you OP. I've worked for the same organisation for over 20 years and wouldn't know where to start looking for a new job and I don't think I'd perform great at an interview either compared with people whov'e been in the job market more recently.

The way things are done has changed so much. When I started where I am now, the internet wasn't in common use FFS.

There's a feature in today's Times 2 supplement about the Apprentice and that compares various things like social media and how much it has changed over the last 10 years. It just illustrates how different things are.

Ask your employer what support they can provide e.g careers counselling, mock interviews, cv help etc. you have been working for the past ten years you are in a good position. It's miCh harder for unemployed people like SAhm.

It's definitely normal to feel the way you do. However, you are going to continue to feel bad about it until you make some moves towards looking for another job. Don't let your fear paralyse you. Acknowledge how you feel and move on. As soon as you've started the process of job hunting you'll feel MUCH better. I promise.

Also, your company should be providing you with some help and advice. As HR what they can do to help you.

All good luck.

I can totally sympathise with the way you're feeling. I'm looking for a job after ten years too.

I went 15 yrs without a job interview. 8 of those yrs as a SAHM. If I could get a job, anyone can.

Do you mind if I ask, lljkk how did you find going for interviews after a long break as a SAHM? Did the employers seem respectful of why you took the break? Were you able to find a job you wanted or did you feel limited by the long break?

I reckoned that at very worst the interview was a chance to identify my mistakes and learn to do better next time. (Otherwise interviews were hilarious & nerve-wracking & I sincerely thanked them at the end because I was determined that I would make positives come out of the interviews no matter whether I got hired).

Employers didn't seem to question my long break (maybe they did privately?)

I had a long list of volunteer roles during SAHM yrs & one of my refs was a volunteer group coordinator, so that made it look a little less like dead time.

Long break was limiting... but also an opportunity, iyswim? I knew my specialist technical skills were out of date so I had to think creatively about what my transferable skills might be (sorry, horribly cliche) and see other types of opportunities. It took about 5 months for me to go from "Ooh maybe a I need a job" to figuring out what type of job to focus on getting, what general job titles to aim for. 4 months later I got hired, so pretty good going, I think. (Only last yr). I did go back to a different dept. of my old employer, but plenty about the role is fresh & new (thank goodness).

Can't understate my lack of confidence then, though. That mental block about "what could I do? " was the real challenge.

Job was fixed term & I have interviews coming up again, now. I forgot to save a copy of the job particulars for myself and not sure how to get hold of them again (without looking like an eejit). Ack.

You're not unreasonable to feel upset to have been made redundant, and it's totally fair enough to be daunted by getting back into the job market. But be fair to your friends and family: they're trying to bolster your confidence for the task in hand, and there wouldn't be a whole lot of point in them just sitting round saying "quite right: it's a complete disaster". Honestly, I don't think you're going to feel much better about the situation until you start to take control of it.

I've been there, OP, and I guess it is a bit scary. But nothing compared with what SAHMs face when returning to work - you haven't been out of the work environment, you've just not had an interview in 10 years. At least you are familiar with the world of paid work. SAHMs returning after a long break have much bigger hurdles, IMO.

Lots of good advice on here - but also make sure you take everything that's going at your local job centre. You can get free courses and all sorts of stuff; just ask!

You're obviously totally reasonable to feel like that, I'm sorry btw.

But I can tell you that my 54 year old dad was made redundant earlier this year, got a new job within a month with a higher salary and still gets interview offers/headhunted now. I think it really shook him but he was still able to get his head down and go to all the interviews. It worked out so well. Bet there's no reason it shouldn't for you as well.

Please don't let people make you feel guilty or whatever for being upset. They probably understand a whole lot more than you might think and feel that it's such an awkward situation so just want to say uplifting things. Not realising it's not really what you need right now.