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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to ditch this friend without causing a scene?

13 replies

officermendez · 13/10/2014 10:46

Ok, said friend is the mum of DD's best friend, so because of that I have always put up with quite a lot from her, because obviously I don't want it to affect DD's friendship. I have had enough now though and need to ditch this woman ASAP.

She is a very selfish, demanding type of person who wants everything her own way, all the time. She is extremely pushy and won't take no for an answer. She also makes nasty comments all the time and prides herself on being honest! I have ended up doing things like taking her DD to every party that the girls are invited to, so my friend can have "time to herself", and any time we meet up with the girls it has to be on her terms and when/where it suits her. She has also recently started making comments about my DD, inferring that she is overweight, which she definitely is not. She will also do things like invite us round, and then disappear off and have a phone call with another friend for up to an hour.

Anyway, things came to a head for me yesterday. We had to take the girls to an event for a hobby they do together. Said event was an hour's drive away, and being a total pushover I ended up driving. Friend made a long phone call on the way there, and on the way back, which was rude in itself, but even ruder was every time the children or I spoke, she would look at me, and say "Ssssshhhhh" really loudly. She must have sshhhhushed at me over 10 times during the course of both journeys. On this occasion I had had enough so I just carried on talking to the kids and put the radio on (which she kept switching off), and ignored her. She didn't thank me for the lifts, and was in a foul mood at the event, which was presumably because I didn't do as she said!

AIBU to ditch her, and how can I do it with minimal drama and without affecting DD's friendship?

OP posts:
WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 10:51

Stop being such a mug, for starters. Start saying no when it doesn't suit you. She calls your DD overweight you say,'She isn't. I don't appreciate that at all. It's untrue.'

Stop kowtowing to her.

Your DD will find other friends.

Why set such an example to your Dd, and be a push over?

ThirdPoliceman · 13/10/2014 10:53

Ooooh, she sounds awful!

Well I would not socialise with her at all, unless it involved your dds. Even then I would reduce contact as much as possible. So don't give her lifts unless she reciprocates and look if she winds you up, just tell her no. You can't waste your precious life on someone who only wants to exploit you.

WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 10:56

I'd get her away from my DD on the basis of her comments about her weight alone. That is damaging and toxic.

Purpleroxy · 13/10/2014 10:58

Well you might have made a good start during the car journey Grin

How old are the girls?
It will be hard to cut her off entirely so just keep your distance, have lines such as no that does not work for us etc and limit contact. They will see plenty of eachother at school anyway. Friendship groups change as well (hopefully).

NewEraNewMindset · 13/10/2014 10:59

Wow, she is not a friend is she? She is an associate and unless you are in her employ I think YANBU to ditch her and let her make her own way to things.

I'm not sure how you do this without a scene though. I think the only way IS to make a scene. Wait until she stamps on your last nerve and then blow. That should severe any ties nicely.

Glittermud · 13/10/2014 11:02

Whenever she tries to talk to you hold up your finger to her lips and Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh her really loudly.

Ought to work.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 13/10/2014 11:02

She sounds vile, how dare she tell you to shhhh. If she was a real friend you would have enjoyed the time together on the journey for a catch up and a gossip. Just invite lots of other girls from your DS class over for tea over the weeks to bring her closer to them.

LittleBairn · 13/10/2014 11:03

I would ditch, she sounds awful.
What age are your DDs? Do they go to the same school?
If they are at the same school it would have to be a school only friendship until they are old enough to arrange meeting up themselves.

When she tries to ask/demand favours just keep it short "no sorry" any attempt to give an excuse or reason will be twisted in her favour.

Spindarella · 13/10/2014 11:03

She's not going to take hints so you'll need to be firm

Be one step ahead & ask her to take the girls before she asks you. If that doesn't work, start having reasons why you can't take her daughter - you'll be travelling straight from town/your sister's/the dentist etc.

Do this a few times & she'll stop asking.

WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 11:06

No need for a scene, just, 'No, that doesn't work for us.' 'No, I'm not available for that. You need to make other arrangements.' 'My child is not overweight.'

Only1scoop · 13/10/2014 11:09

Agree no need for a scene just be nice and honest and direct....just how she prides herself on being Wink

WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 11:10

No reasons, excuses or 'sorry'. Just, 'No, that won't be possible,' 'No, that doesn't work for me,' 'No, I'm not available to do that.'

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 13/10/2014 11:12

Hows about 'Fuck off you stupid hag'. Not subtle, but it doesn't sound like she could take a subtle hint Grin

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