Old friend ( let's call her Flo ) has totally lost the plot and is stalking me with hourly updates ...
About five years ago her husband had an affair and left. She had a rebound fling with a chap ( let's call him Fred ) which rumbled on for the next four years and finally finished last Christmas with a huge argument ( Think midnight shrieking matches in the middle of the road, police cars etc )
It wasn't ever a very happy union - she likes rich alpha-male types with degrees and Fred is an unemployed pot-head. He worshipped the ground she trod on and she used him as a punch-bag to work out her anger over her rich alpha-male ex-husband ditching her for a younger model. The sex was great, apparently, but she never wanted to act as a couple in public with Fred because he embaressed her.
After they split up last Christmas Fred tried to get back together for a while and then went quiet and Flo was patting herself on the back for having finally got rid of him ... Right up to last week when she ran into him and his new girlfriend in the pub.
He has a job. He has a hair cut. His teeth are fixed. The new girlfriend is slim, cute, well-educated and ten years younger than Flo.
This is where it all went mad. Flo got pissed and decided Fred was the love of her life and it was all a horrible mistake and she had to tell him how she felt. She rang him. She went round to his house. She sent him some toe-curling texts about what she'd like to do to him. He explained he was with someone else now and blocked her number. She got a mutual friend to set up an "accidental" meeting and explained she just wanted to be his friend ( Fred's friend, not the friend's friend ... ) Fred said fine ...
Then she changed her mind. Fred is a half-wit. He's paid someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. She thinks he's mad and insanely possessive and she's had a lucky escape ...
... And twenty-four hours later we're back to he's the love of her life again, and she can't live without him.
Help me! She's turning up at my house at all hours wanting to go on and on about good Fred/bad Fred, she phoned at 7.30 this morning, she was turning up at my work last week wanting me to come to the pub to listen to her woes ... I've known her for ages and she's always been a bit of a drama queen but this is well over the top!
I think she and Fred are a bad combination and she should let him get on with his life and find herself someone she actually respects to have a relationship with but mostly I want her to leave me alone for a bit before she gets me sacked!
Sorry for the epic saga ...