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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother in law problem

15 replies

Firsttimemommy23 · 12/10/2014 12:57

It's my first pregnancy and we not married but I'm 20 weeks pregnant, mom in law is like hi jacking my pregnancy , iv overheard her on the phone to family members that when she gets a scan picture she will post it on Facebook and send it to them aswel first of all she hasn't ask as we don't like social networks and we weren't planning on giving her a copy of scan picture , I live in another country then my parents to be with my boyfriend and have our child here in his home town , we are planning to take my child to see my parents when the child is one, mother in law got so cross and said "why can't my parents just come here" first of all they don't have that kind of money and isn't that selfish? She said it's not fair that we taking the child on holiday away from her:/ help :(

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 12/10/2014 13:01

Is there more to this? It doesn't sound like she's hijacking your pregnancy at all, just excited. Have a word with her about Facebook etc and job done. Wrt to your parents and you taking the baby away from her, that part isn't great but again can be easily nipped in the bud now.

Original poster

Firsttimemommy23 · 12/10/2014 13:04

Thank you, there is more to it but didn't want to get into to much detail, il try have a word just didn't know if it was my place to say anything cause we not married

OP posts:

LIZS · 12/10/2014 13:06

Don't give her a copy of the scan picture ? Is it her first gc ? Why make plans to travel before the baby is even born .

Fairenuff · 12/10/2014 13:06

Be inclusive but set the boundaries early on. Don't worry about what you will or will not do when the baby is one, that is more than a whole year away.

Your most important ally here is your partner. Make sure you are on the same page and agree how he will handle his mother. If you don't want her putting pics on fb, he should tell her and make sure he gets her agreement.

It's easy if you all just talk to each other.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 12/10/2014 13:26

Many older people aren't "up with" the etiquette. Just don't provide her with scan pics and later, when she takes her own pics, make sure she knows you're not sharing on FB.

VermillionPorcupine · 12/10/2014 13:30

She said it's not fair that we taking the child on holiday away from her

You need to nip that in the bud RIGHT now.

BlackeyedSusan · 12/10/2014 13:34

think carefully about which country you want your child to be born in. if it all goes pear shaped it is best that you are in your home country. you may have to fight to leave with the baby. if you have absolute confidence in your boyfriend fine. if unsure, just look into the legalities and go into it with open eyes.

gentlehoney · 12/10/2014 14:32

I can understand why you dont want a picture all over facebook but why wouldn't you want to give her a scan copy of her grandchild?

gentlehoney · 12/10/2014 14:35

I am also a bit confused about her saying she didn't want the child taken away from her.
Will she be raising the baby? (common in some cultures) because she might possibly have a point in that case.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/10/2014 14:35

Is it an issue that someone might not want to be sharing a image of their insides then gentle ?

CSIJanner · 12/10/2014 15:04

Is it a cultural thing? What country are you in? And what does your BF think?

gentlehoney · 12/10/2014 15:05

A bit odd if someone plans beforehand that they will not show the grandmother. I mean, everyone has the right not to, but I have never heard of it, so I am thinking there must be a reason?

I forced my relatives to pore over the unidentifiable squiggles and spot family likenesses.

Newdawnforever · 12/10/2014 16:53

It'll only get worse. Having endured the hell of overbearing, insufferable, entitled inlaws who are now banned from their grandchild, I wouldn't let her get involved at all. Draw your boundaries now and enforce them mercilessly. If your dp isn't fully supportive of that consider moving back to your own country.

Women are so vulnerable post baby and people with no respect for others boundaries will take full advantage of that.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/10/2014 10:50

I didn't show anybody mine and I certainly wouldn't have provided someone with a picture so they could distribute it to who ever they fancied. I also don't look at other people's unless they are quite insistent about it

PeachyParisian · 13/10/2014 20:43

OP you can plan whatever you want. Your MiL has no say in anything, it's not her child. Have a word with your boyfriend and if he doesn't resolve the issue talk to her yourself.

Tell her you don't want her to share your scan picture and you don't have to give her a copy if you don't want to.

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