To think children in year 1 can exhibit bullying behaviour?

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Ds (5.4) started a new school in September.
The school is quite small, only 22 in each class and single form entry. The children have all known each other since nursery so we sort of expected it might not be hugely easy friendship group wise. Ds is chatty and outgoing but he's also quite naive in some ways and doesn't really like sports such as football.

From pretty much the word go there has been another little boy who has repeatedly been unkind. It's things like not letting ds join in with a group of children, telling other children not to be his friend, telling ds what he's done is rubbish (e.g. Your model is rubbish), telling ds he was ugly, telling ds he smells and needs a bath, telling people not to speak to ds, hiding his things, etc etc. there's probably been an incident at least every other day. Now I totally appreciate these children are 5 and 6 (this boy was 6 at the start of September so one of the oldest, my ds is one of the youngest and probably in some ways not hugely mature) and that I'm only getting it from one side. I will say that my ds is truthful and I've never known him to lie. He has been upset about this which is a shame as he's really enjoying the learning side of school. My ds is reasonably bright but he does have a tendency to speak like he's swallowed a dictionary and he is different I think in some ways. At his old school he had three good friends and we still see them out of school and they play together fine.

So yes, I understand they are 5 and 6, kids will be kids and I only get one side of it. With this in mind I didn't say anything to ds's teacher until Friday. I explained I was concerned that ds hadn't made any friends in his class and also that there seemed to be one child making it more difficult for him. I said I felt it was bullying behaviour. She responded that in year 1 they don't call it bullying as year 1 children aren't capable of it. I wasn't trying to label this child a "bully" but I do feel repeatedly being nasty and trying to get other children to join in is bullying behaviour. Ds is an easy target because he's new, mildly dyspraxic and quite naive.
She said they would do some general circle time around being new and making friends which I suppose it good and to be honest I don't really know what the answer is. I do want this child kept an eye on though because at the moment ds is sad and withdrawn after school and has started saying things like "everyone hates me" "my picture at school was rubbish" "no one will play with me"

So aibu to think actually this child is showing bulling behaviour? And also what should I do? I'm trying to give ds strategies for making friends, he's never had any problems before though. Wherever we go he makes friends usually. The trouble is he tends to ask " want to play" or "want to be friends" which is giving this other boy the chance to say "no!"

My Ds have been bullied by a particular boy in his class since early years, so yes a child in year one can be a bully.

This sounds like bullying behaviour to me. What does the teacher propose doing about it? They need to speak to him about it.

there was one little boy in nursery who went out of his way to hit my eldest at any opportunity. He's still doing it in reception class. there's no such thing as "too young to bully" once they're old enough to be in education

She just kept saying they were a nice bunch really and she was sure ds would settle in. She said they'd do the circle time about making friends. She said she would keep an eye on ds at play times.

I think the teacher's response was unhelpful, I think I'd have found that quite dismissive. A y1 child can demonstrate bulling behaviour as described in your post. Maybe she was trying to avoid the other boy being labelled as a bully which is also unhelpful. I would try not to attach too much significance to the words used though and judge the teacher more on her behaviour so wait and see if her approach does help resolve the situation. If it doesn't I'd keep an eye on all the incidents and keep going back in and challenging this. In terms of what you can do to help your DS make friends maybe inviting some over for playdates, making friends with some other parents and arranging trips out with them and the kids, also helping him see that there are other candidates for friendship than this boy and to maybe trying to join in their games. Hope he's finding other aspects of school positive and the other child's behaviour is appropriately addressed.

You need to tell your Ds to tell each and every time. At the minute the bully is getting away with it and there are no consequences. Ds needs to make sure the teacher has to deal with it.

If she is a good teacher she will see it now it has been brought to her attention and deal with it. If not you need to keep going back to see her and if necessary involve the head.

They can call what they like but the bottom line your child is unhappy in their school and they need to address that as a pastoral care issue.

If course they can be bullies in year one, goodness me kids can be vile esp if they watch older children. Try having another chat with the teacher then perhaps suggest a meeting with the head to discuss your concerns about your child's self esteem being affected ect

I would give it a week then if nothing changes go in and set up a meeting with the head and class teacher for the following week. Mention it again to the class teacher asking what they propose to do about it. Make it clear you are not going away.

So when does she think bullying behaviour does start. It doesn't matter he's so young, it needs to be nipped in the bud now before it develops further. Tell her you're not going to stand back and let your sons school life be ruined by one boy and you want to see some action taken. It's the schools duty to stop it.

I think the key point for me in your shoes (I have a DD in Year 1) would be whether the teacher recognises this as unacceptable behaviour and whether she proposes to take action to ensure the other lads behaviour changes hugely, and to make your DS' life at school happier.

I would stick to that reasonable expectation like glue and not worry too much about what their policy says they call the behaviour.

I think Year 1s can be capable of sustained nastiness directed at an individual, yes. I think most of them should be able to grasp that it's not acceptable. I also think most children who behave that way at that age and receive good guidance, mature out of all recognition into very solid citizens, so whether it's helpful to term the behaviour bullying at that age is another question.

But you need action for your DS right now, and the other little lad mustn't be allowed to get entrenched in a pattern of behaviour that could certainly be bullying further down the line.

I would agree with Jennifersrabbit. Dd was bullied in year 1 and the school said the children were too young to bully. They were very poor at addressing it and after three years of them promising to address it and failing miserably we left the school.

If I only had known then what I know now. You have got a lot of good advice here. They can call it what they like, but they need to sort it.

They are capable. If it continues then make an appointment with the HT as the teacher isn't doing enough. Teach your DS some self defence speech....practice with him...I had to do this with DD at the same age...I made up scenarios....where I pretended to be her and she pretended to be the girl who was mean...she said things such as the girl might say and I gave responses....then we reversed roles.

YANBU, that behaviour is unacceptable and children are definitely capable of it in Year 1. My DS was treated like this in Nursery and the staff were clear that it's still bullying.

I do sympathise, I've been through this with Dd and 2 things-
they have anti- bullying assembly's and posters up round the school etc so her school definitely calls it bullying from the get go.
Secondly...regArding helping your son - from my experience over the past few years, asking the teacher to keep an eye on what's happe doesn't work- bullies are sneaky and won't do it in front of adults and your child will get a reputation as a whiner.
The ONLY thing that has helped is teaching dd ways of dealing with it - visualisation- take that nasty comment and scrunch it into a ball and throw it away, duck under the comment and let it fly over your head etc etc learning to stay out of the way, play on the opposite side of the playground etc. Of course she shouldn't have to but now shes very strong emotionally & has a very strong sense of right & wrong & is very caring. I try to tell myself it's good to learn to deal with these types of people early because they will always be around! Also talk to him about why bullies bully (because they are unhappy and need to deflect it)
Taking the wind out of the bullies sails is the only way to deal with it. X

I would say some children can bully in year 1, and this definitely sounds like bullying behaviour.

I wonder if their school has been having problems with children crying "bully" over too much though. I've certainly seen at that sort of age children using the term inappropriately (eg because another child wouldn't give way to them on something reasonable) because they have found it's an emotive word, and people react to it. I think it was about year 1 that one of my dc's classes found it a good insult to fling about if they wanted people to be on their side.

I think I'd go back, and not use the term bullying, but more what someone else said "inappropriate behaviour". Get the teacher to agree that it is inappropriate behaviour, and how you're going to work out that behaviour. If she refuses to agree then talk to the head.

Of course they can bully.

In your shoes, I think if it continued I would be putting something in writing to the teacher. It may then be brought to the attention of the Head Teacher. I always find it more effective to put things in writing. Good luck and hope things improve for your son.

Several
Times
On
Purpose

That is the definition given to 6 year olds about bullying.

Start
Telling
Other
People

Is the advice given.

The teacher needs to be more proactive. She should talk to the whole class about this subject and, specifically, to the individual children involved. She should make sure all staff are aware so that they can keep an eye out and let her know if anything, anything at all, happens between them.

She should also give your ds some tools, such as asking him to tell every single time something happens (preferably tell the same adult if possible). She could give him some words (script) to use such as saying loudly, "stop saying/doing that".

She could set up some specific time for the two boys to do an activity together and try to help build a friendship. She should give the bully lots of praise for being kind, friendly and inclusive. She should record all incidents and regularly review it.

It should also be flagged up to the ht.

Another thread has given me my new favourite saying so I shall use it here. What the teacher said was an utter 'bag of arse'. Can Yr 1 children be bullies?? Abso-bloody-lutely they can! There was a kid in my ds' class who was bullying the daylights out of the others both physically and mentally and finally had to be removed as there were so many complaints from parents whose kids were sad, withdrawn and in some cases refusing to go to school and crying at drop off time.

Don't be fobbed off. Go back to the teacher, to the head of year and finally to the head if you are not getting satisfaction. I loathe school gate tittle tattle but I would discreetly ask a couple of other mums (esp if there are other younger more naive children) if they are "having any issues with anyone?" ie are their kids copping it from this kid too. Then you have increased evidence that this kid is not being given the right guidance (by which I mean kids are not intrinsically nasty and this kid is not being taught how to treat others with kindness) and is bullying.

what a loud of rubbish

of course a 6yr old is capable of being a bully,and the teacher is talking crap

i bloody hate it when young kids (any kids for that matter) get bullied,unless it's sorted quickly it can really affect the following years of school for that child

Absolutely follow this up with school politely but assertively. I know a two year old who is displaying unconscious bullying behaviour quite different from normal toddler rough and tumble. Obviously he isn't capable of processing his own behaviour yet but there is a dominant streak there which needs managed carefully. His mum is doing nothing to check it and unless she does I suspect he will be a bit like your son's bully by the time he reaches school.

I think some children have a temperament that predisposes them to bullying and working on empathy is very helpful. Any kind of chaotic home life is bad news for these kids.

My dd was bullied at playgroup fgs - even the playgroup admitted that the child bullying her had issues and they kept an eye on her for that reason and they carried on bullying all the way through primary school

Don't let this lie - keep on at the teacher until she understands EXACTLY what is happening - keep diaries of what is said and why

Yes a child of that age and younger can be bullies. At what age does she think is mire acceptable . They are not dealing with it properly, I woukd ask to see the schools anti bullying policies. The teachers response us nit acceptable!