To let the DC fight?

[ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties]

Honestly I know IABU but at the moment I feel like just letting them kick each other around!

They are 10 and 6...both girls. The 6 year old is tall and strong and a wind up merchant. She keeps harassing her sister who is naturally non violent but eventually (after a few seconds!) loses her temper and grabs her.

The little one seems to enjoy the drama of getting swung round the room by her arm or given a chinese burn and she laughs whilst it's being done...but after a while, the older one gets more and more violent and little DD gets hurt inevitably.

We live in a flat...so it's a bit cramped and I'm sure this contributes.

I have threatened and told DD1 not to retaliate or react to DD2 as that's what keeps her coming back....I've shouted...it's hard to say which one is to blame as though the small one starts it (usually by gently poking her sister and being annoying) the older one should know better than to immediately slap or whatever.

WHAT DO I DO!? I just told them that if they carry ion I will put them both in the bedroom to fight it out and I won't intervene.

Usually I'd take them to the park...but I have a sprain and walking is very hard...DH is away working till Monday!

Seriously? Make a cup of tea. Leave them to it. if When they come through to whine about the other one, "muuuum, tell her not to wah wah wah wH", just nod wisely, take a sip of tea and say "thank you for telling me".

Do not intervene unless there is blood, sick, or broken bones. (this advice refers to normal sibling scrapping, NOT bullying etc.)

This works. I have raised many children and I am Supernanny.

Disclaimer: not exactly true.

I find it hard to ignore as my older, quieter DD is like a volcano and will get quite vicious when she's pushed too far and I'm scared she will really hurt naughty DD2.

I have two nieces who were this age, and they used to visit me and fight.

One of the rules when they visit is: If you fight and argue then ONE of you [pointy finger] will get hurt. It may be YOU [points at one], or it may be YOU [points at other]. Either way, if you fight, and get hurt and start whining I don't wanna hear it. If you CHOOSE to fight, then you accept the consequences.'.

One of the other rules is 'if you make grandma cry, you wake up bald'. Good as gold this time they were - last time they made grandma cry hence the new rule.

Oh I like the bald one! They'd listen to that!

funky that is BRILLIANT. that is my new mantra.

4 dc, 3,4,5 and 7 three boys and one girl. they do need to learn the consequences of ones actions

op. yanbu.

Yanbu, sometimes the only way for them to learn how to work things out is to let them get on with it.

I send my stepkids (9 and 6) outside if they're fighting. They know I'm not interested in them coming and complaining to me about each other unless they're bleeding or something has broken. They self-regulate pretty well.

DH is a bit Disney dad and struggles with my approach. Especially now we have DS (nearly 2) and my view is that because they know if they break him, they can't play with him, they'll be gentle enough.

I generally treat the kids like dogs. They need boundaries, plenty of exercise and affection (as long as they're not biting your ankles to get it).

I asked the older one if she believed me about the bald thing and she hesitated. The younger one just said 'Yes, she would' and not a peep out of them for the rest of the holiday.

My other rule is if they hear me shout a key word which I can't divulge, they have to play statues. It's a word that we don't use often. I've been doing this for years and they are well trained. It means if they run off near a road, I can shout it and they stop dead still and have to stay that way until I say 'Anti- whatever'. Then they can move again.

Those 3 rules pretty much run themselves to be honest. They know the score. We have fun and they get to run about safely in our little village.

My DSis and I used to savage one another, I've ripped out her hair and she's thrown various heavy objects at my head. We used to really scare our granny when she looked after us we are the best of friends now though!! let them get on with it! They will learn how to regulate themselves and deal with their own tempers

I don't know.

I think the little one needs consequences from YOU for bugging her sister. Then older one wouldn't feel the need to retaliate and you might get peace. I would tell older one to come straight to you and you will deal but that she will get consequences if she hits. It can't be nice for big one being wound up all the time when she wants to be left alone. She should not have to just ignore being poked and prodded by someone who only wants a rise.

I suspect that many posters on here won't see this for what it is. Your youngest is bullying your eldest.

Am inclined to agree with Aherdofmims.
Some kids have the wind up thing off to a fine art, and know exactly what buttons to press to annoy a sibling. If there is a way to stop her doing that, it would make for a more peaceful life all around.

I'd be reprimanding your youngest to be honest

funky

I would be the opposite Tbh. I do not tolerate fighting. I would gradually remove things they like as punishment

I have x2 boys 1 year apart. They aren't allowed to fight

Also, you could tie them up back to back with a strong scarf. It'll give them time to cool down, you to have your tea, and them to practise some teamwork in getting out of the situation. You can then retie them under the guise of them showing you exactly how they got free the first time. Hopefully thereafter they'd have forgotten all about the original reason for fighting.

Disclaimer: don't tie them up with a rope or your 'special' handcuffs. You'll end up with SS at your door...

Thank you all. I've just warned the youngest that if she does it again then I will remove her right to watch her fave TV show all week. I've told her she will get ONE warning as a reminder and then that's it. No show for one week. She's taken it on I think.

If your youngest is winding up her big sister then she needs to be dealt with. PP are right, the winding up is tantamount to bullying. YABU to let her do it to that extent.

If its six of one, half a dozen of t'other, let them sort it out between themselves. This is how I would deal with my DD(6) and DS(4).

Separate rooms now!

Absolutely no fighting allowed!

At 6/7 DD2 was a superb windup merchant, but she didn't have the emotional maturity to know when to stop.

DD1(3 years older) was really patient, but even she had her limits and she was far bigger, it would not end well.

Also DD1, being a quirky, socially inept dyslexic got enough crap at school. She absolutely didn't need her top of the class, friends with everyone DSIS making home miserable too!

Read my update.

That sounds like a good plan OP. I'd be starting on the younger one too.

Ds1 (10) and ds2 (7) sound like they could kick off and I am getting in the bath as I am sick of being ignored! I usually let them get on with it.

Sounds a good plan to me, OP, so long as she remembers the consequence in the thrill of thinking of a good put down.

I'm not certain DD2 would have done.