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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to tell the naysayers to go pound salt... (A little long, but I am hurt and need to unload)

14 replies

CallMeExhausted · 12/10/2014 01:33

My DD is quite disabled, significantly physically and intellectually delayed and medically complex, but in light of the fact that she was referred to Hospice in February of 2012 and she is still with us now, she is a remarkable little girl.

Her 9th birthday in is less than 2 weeks, and she presented me with this paper this afternoon. Apparently, it is a list of what she might like for her birthday, in case anyone asks... Wink

Prior to now, she has never put this many letters on a page, and I can't honestly remember her writing any letters consistently that were not one of the letters in her first name.

I shared a picture of it with close friends and family on FB (I know...) thinking that those who have seen her at death's door would like to see something that is such a huge development for her.

I received private messages from 3 separate "family" members all basically saying that I should not be excited about her writing as it is nonsense and illegible and any 3 year old should be able to do it gee, sound like they might have been discussing it? and perhaps I should stop pointing these things out as it just shows how incapable she is.

I am crushed.

This is a little girl who has overcome tremendous odds and is writing her own story, but she is obviously facing huge challenges that she will likely never overcome. She "should" not be able to speak at all, frankly, she "should" not even be with us any more. At a very dark time, I had to plan this angel's funeral.

I sent a group reply (as clearly they were all expressing the same sentiment) that as they had never taken an active interest in DD's life, they were more than welcome to take a passive disinterest, and if they wanted to be kept apprised of how she was doing, they might want to find other ways to do it... since I had no intention of making the effort with them any more.

Was I out of line (after 9 years of trying to engage them - they are "close" relations) to finally put my foot down, or should I have been less reactionary?

OP posts:
TerribleMother · 12/10/2014 01:44

I don't think you were too reactionary whatsoever. I would have been angry and hurt too, and I think your reaction under the circumstances was perfectly reasonable. Have they always been this horrid? Personally I probably wouldn't speak to them again, but that's the way I am. Sorry you were so hurt by them. Flowers

mrscumberbatch · 12/10/2014 01:49

Awww post it on here, is love to see it.

Some people can't see the wood for the trees. Your obviously so lucky to have Dd and I can imagine how lovely this must be for you.

In future don't feel obliged to share lovely things, they've proven that they're not worth it

SleepySuitcaseSheepie · 12/10/2014 01:51

I'm sure we would all want to celebrate it with you! :)
Would would your daughter like for her birthday?

CallMeExhausted · 12/10/2014 01:53

My original message posted repeatedly - I added a picture of her list to the other one.

I have a sneaking suspicion that there might be a couple of bugs for MNHQ to work out after the maintenance today...

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 12/10/2014 01:58

They are idiots.
They are also an example of why you should aim to value (and seek out) the opinions of those who have proved that they have an interest in your well-bring, and take only those to heart (as stile of thumb).
These rellies have put themselves first, frankly. And appear to have less empathy than a toadstool.
Silly people.
Congratulations to your daughter. And she is very blessed having been born into a world where she knows what it is to be loved, cherished, supported - and where her unique spirit is recognised and celebrated.
My love to both of you.

Bulbasaur · 12/10/2014 02:05

You celebrate milestones based on the child's abilities, not what everyone else is doing.

Congrats on the new milestone! Grin

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 02:23
Flowers

I was reading your Op with such excitement for you and her - I was very Grin

Then I read what they had said. Jesus christ on a Bike I'd have been looking up 'Hitman for x number of ex family members - discount for job lot?'

They are beyond disgusting and you were very very restrained. I hope you have defriended the whole lot of them - I'd go no contact with ALL of them, no matter how they're related.

Honestly, I could feel my heart cracking reading what they'd said, that's just so horrible :(

HeartShapedBox · 12/10/2014 02:24

they sound really spiteful and nasty.

I think you were too polite to them, a swift fuck off would have still been too nice!

ofc it's a massive achievement for your DD, you have every reason to be proud.

CallMeExhausted · 12/10/2014 02:32

Thank you for all your support - after I responded to them, I had a huge wobble.

Maybe I was not so far off...

OP posts:
missingmumxox · 12/10/2014 02:34

Well done on your reply.

I have a dyslexic 9 year old and when he texted me a almost readable text I was so proud, so much I thought my heart would burst, so yanbu

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 02:35

I found one of your other threads with her list on it :)

Her letters are well formed, She has clearly put a lot of effort into it and done really well. I would not expect that of a 3 year old but even if it was 'just' a 3yo's standard - so what? Your DD has a lot of issues to overcome and for her it's akin to writing a novel.

I am thrilled for her (and you) - I fail to see how her own (extended) family aren't :(

I would honestly cut all contact with them and I don't care which 'side' of the family they're from - neither of you need people in your life who think so little of her - and you.

Flowers Cake

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 02:44

Today I heard a 9.11 yo playing the violin in a concert - grade 6.

Yesterday I listened to a 9.5 yo read a book - slowly, carefully, sounding out almost every word (the book is aimed at 6 yo's)

Now I see what your almost 9 yo has done.

Am I impressed by any one of them more than the other two? No.

They have all worked really hard to do what they have done and I am incredibly impressed with all of them - but frankly, if I was going to 'rate' their achievements it would be your DD, The Reader then The Violinist because that would definitely be the order of 'effort required to achieve result'.

I am just so angry and hurt for you and DD.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/10/2014 02:45

I would never speak to any of them again.

Booboostoo · 12/10/2014 03:16

This is one of the nastiest things I have ever read on here. With family members like this who needs enemies?

Next time they post anything give them the same treatment. If they post themselves jogging, tell them how useless they are compared to an Olympic athlete, if they post playing chopsticks on the piano tell them how pathetic they are compared to Motzart, etc.

Well done to your little girl!

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