DS not invited to nieces birthday party, aibu?

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

Obviously this is not a big drama and party invites don't usually wind me up but feel a bit sad.

Was nieces 4th party. DS and her are of a similar age and love eachother. Really are great friends. Live in the same town. DN's parents split. Am still on good terms with ex SIL (was with husbands brother) look after DN when she asks. Never argued. (Her and BIL not on good terms not sure if thats relevant) even had a spare key. Anyway she had a party for DN. Was talking to her about it as was sorting out when BIL would have DN as it was his contact weekend. Anyway, aibu for being a bit sad DS wasn't invited? I know it wouldn't of been meant harshly as maybe assumed DS would be involved in celebrations with BIL but i had DN in the week while SIL went to get her car fixed and DN was going on about her party. I don't really know why im posting. Not sure its worth saying anything now its been and gone though would like to avoid similar happening again. Just venting i guess as DS was talking about what he wanted to wear to his cousins birthday :-( i know i should of said something before but im rubbish like that.

Did she choose a girls only party? Or a school friends only party?

Maybe it was at a venue where numbers had to be very limited?

Either way, I wouldn't say anything now the even has passed.

Yanbu, that seems a bit cruel actually. Even if they are splitting up, it's very mean to let it affect the kids.
Did you ask her about it. Your poor DS asking what to wear, that's so sad.

what sort of party was it? Maybe numbers were limited

At 4 DS had started having his friends to parties (eg named children from preschool class) rather than my friends' children.

It's sad that they see less of each other but this is how it will be now.

*event

It's not unusual once they begin school to stop asking cousins.

It sounds like you all get on so I'm guessing it was a girlie party and they didn't think to invite him. Did you not ask how she was celebrating before the big day?

It was a general party no sort of limit That i can think of. DN and DS are friends. They really love eachother. Took DN to pick up DS from nursery as a suprise and they almost expoded with excitement. Very loving relationship.

I don't understand why your DN wouldn't have nagged her Mum to make sure he was there then?

When you say they're of a similar age, how old is your DS?

I did ask. I was on the phone to ex SIL on the morning of party and was asking about it, if DN was excited etc.

YANBU to think it's a shame but YWBU to mention it. There's no way of asking without coming across as petty.

Well i don't think DN would of realised he wouldn't be there. Theres 4 months between them.

Yeah i don't think i'd ever mention it. Really not confrontational. If i was going to say something it should of been before. Its silly to even be thinking about it now really.

That's a shame. I think it's nice to encourage cousins to be close but not everyone does. I don't get on with my db and sil so my dcs are never invited to my 3 dnns parties even though my parents are. It makes me sad.

No, it's not silly at all, I understand why you feel upset.

They are close and see a lot of eachother. Thats whats so sad. DS has cousins on my side of a similar age that we just don't see and DS doesnt have a relationship with so obviously never think its sad that they dont go to eachothers party.

Could be a girly party, could be friends from school only. Disappointing, but don't let it grow into long-term resentment.

I understand and sympathise, OP - you obviously value family bonds highly and don't understand why your sister-in-law didn't take the chance to include your little boy in his cousin's party. Birthday parties are important bonding occasions - that is why people get so hurt when they or their children are left out. I wonder, in a way, if the fact that the children are already so close is why your sister-in-law didn't invite him - maybe she was using the limited number of places to cement her daughter's friendships with her school friends (who had perhaps invited her to theirs?) or maybe she thought that the two of them might play exclusively together and ignore the others.

It's obvious, though, that they get on very well which is lovely for them both. Maybe you could organise a special day for them to play together soon to maintain their fruendship and eclipse the memory of the party a bit. You sound like a lovely mother and aunt.

Yanbu at all. Mabey dn nagged her mother, but her mum did not want to invite him. Mabey she is letting the split get in the way.

Thank you. Im glad people havent said they think in petty. Will see her tomorrow and probably have a small celebration while shes with her dad. Will tell DS thats her party so he doesn't think hes missed out.

DH was out earlier and saw one of exSIL's friends and she asked why DS wasn't at the party and DH said he wasn't invited and i think mentioned we tried dropping hints (DH is not a snipey bitchy person at all and would of said it in a jokey/confused way) and ex SIL's friend was really suprised so i think its more an oversight (hopefully) than anything deeper :-)