I actually am....but I would like you to all agree that I'm not.

[goshhhhhh]

Tis a bit lighthearted....(I hope....dreading potential flaming)
It's been a bit off a stressful time...with the final straw being DH not being able to drive due to being ill & soon no job. So all in all a bit craps really.
We live rurally...so driving important. I'm just feeling really irritated that whenever he says we need to ....e.g.get ds some new jeans....it means you need to!
Am I being unreasonable if I tell him where to shove his we & get him to be upfront & say "you".

You probably aren't being unreasonable. I'm am guilty of using we when I mean you and my dh picks me up on it all the time. Now I quite often say "we, and really I mean you, need to mow the lawn"

I'd respond 'Oh, yes and whilst you are getting those, here's a list'
'Oh I meant you'
'But you said 'we' so I thought you were taking ds with you on the bus'
'Oh. No'.
'So when you said 'we' what did you mean exactly'
'Erm. I meant you.'
''

im say "we" to soften the blow... hmm, i might just start saying you to dh.

'You' seems a bit confrontational at times, perhaps. 'We' suggests we're in in together, dear.

but no, no, YANBU.

I think I shall tell him of your strategy...

In a couple of days can you ask him if he has bought those jeans that DS needs over the internet yet?

If there was a bus.....now if I wasn't so controlling over the shopping he could do it in the internet (& the children would get sugar poisoning & no one to drive around so problem solved)
He needs to learn to ride a bike!

I shall try that BestZebbie

This is what online shopping was invented for.

I think you need to try & understand how he feels - no transport, has to rely on you, and soon no job? He is ill? You don't sound very supportive or sympathetic. But I suppose you are pissed off with not having support from him.

He does mean 'we' need to get stuff, but he isn't able to, so yes he means you. Doubtless he would if he could.

Or is there something else? Are you suggesting he's being lazy? If he's not, if he's genuine, then I think YABU. Sorry.

He is not ill in the conventional sense - but can't drive - seizure caused by a largely asymptomatic condition (& hope it stays that way).He is happy to stop work as he doesn't like the org. I work & am finishing
Off my MA. I am sympathetic - do drive him places etc & lots of juggling with dc & clubs, trains, working etc. I very rarely complain (in real life) just having a bit of a vent...
He is v lovely in many ways but a bit thoughtless in terms of housework etc. Does it if asked but doesn't really think about it.

DH often asks whether " we" have done something . I usually reply that I haven't but I don't know about him!!

He has just told me 'we' need to buy razorsat the weekend.... that will be 'me' then...

YY to this, it's something my DH does constantly.

When not saying things like 'can the bed be changed?' or 'can the shopping be done tomorrow?'
To be fair, he will do it, he's not lazy but I often reply ' I don't know, can it?!'

It's all about the wording. Say what you mean!

my husband says "we"

I look him in the eye and ask "which one of us is 'we' then?"

Try that.

Currently in bath ...v indulgent as we are going to see 'elvis' at our local Indian tonight. Have persuaded dbil to drive. I might call down & say 'we' need a glass of wine...though it is a bit early yet. (he will get it as he is pretty much tee total)

Ok so he can't drive but couldn't you (don't you ever) go together? That would be 'we' even though you are the one driving. Similarly does the purchase come out of your joint (or his) finances as that would also be 'we' wouldn't it?

Sounds as if is suggesting that you drive him into town so that he can go shopping with ds while you go and have a coffee and read a paper!

We do go together but I notice Sunday morning rugby attendance is waining....we do have lots of 'we's ...I'm just being a touch crabby (on here rather than in real life)...I'm sure a coffee whilst he does the shopping Will do the trick.

MIL used to say You need to go the shops and get me . . . or whatever she wanted done]

No, I don't.

I need you to . . .

Try asking me.

[long pause]

Will you please . . .

With pleasure.

She just did not want to say please.

My solution is to go for the "son needs new trousers" or "lawn needs mowing", if it isnt a job for me to do, not sure it is any better to be honest