Till rage

[mindthegap79]

So I was in Co-op this afternoon with dd in the buggy. It was really quiet and there were 3 tills open, no queues. I was having a nice chat with the cashier and getting £20 cash back, £10 of which I asked for in change so it took a bit longer. The adjacent till was empty with the cashier sat twiddling her thumbs.

Anyway, as I was getting my cash back I realised that the woman who had mysteriously chosen to join the same till line, despite the empty till adjacent, was massively rolling her eyes and tutting.

I caught her eye and gave a slight look, and then she started:

Her: "What the fuck are you looking at, you stupid bitch."

Me: "I'm getting cash back. What's your problem? "

Her: "You're holding up the whole queue you stupid fucking bitch. If you want change you should go to a fucking bank."

Me: "You're the only person waiting and there's an empty till right there."

And so it went on. She rolled her eyes at dd too. Fuck. You. Bitch.

As I left (after putting my purse in my bag as slooooowly as possible) I felt I had to tell her that she was an ignorant bitch. She called out "No, I called YOU a fucking bitch!"

WTAF?!?!

She probably had some mh issue. She sounds exactly like a lady around here who harasses people. Just don't engage with her next time.

:o

Stood next to me. The first degree. I saw it fall, And hit the floor. Did you spill my pint? I've got no beer. It means I'm queer. I'll start a fight - Punch out your lights. Did you eat my dou-blah burger?

The lyrics, just in case Qualcast Mutilators vocals are unintelliglble. :o

The assistant at the empty till should have called her over. But no excuse for her attack on you. She's probably got loads of problems to behave like that. Co-op assistants seem to be a law unto themselves but quite pleasant .

freeze no wasn't being sarcastic. There was no need to engage at all.

Sorry I can't believe anyone could suggest that you shouldn't engage with someone verbally abusing you! You should always challenge this behaviour. Frankly labeling this person as having a mental health issue is the height of superiority and arrogance. And at least giving this disgusting person an excuse to continue abusing others. Shame on you all for validating this kind of behaviour. Op YANBU.

Why shouldn't the OP defend herself when being sworn at?

Defend herself against what, exactly?

Someone she'd never met and and will probably never see again swore at her in a supermarket queue. There is a very strong chance that such a person is mentally unhinged, and not averse to a bit of afters either there or once you step outside. You have a choice: ignore it, which means that nothing more happens, or escalate it in which case it will be more unpleasant and potentially lead to violence. People who demand "respect" and "defending themselves" are just encouraging violence from the unhinged, and the unhinged are usually a bloody sight better at it, and care less about the consequences, than Mumsnet Mums with babies in buggies.

"Defending herself" putting your fragile ego feeling aggrieved by an unhinged idiot saying naughty words ahead of your fragile face or your fragile baby being harmed by an unhinged idiot getting physical. If you are verbally confronted by someone then getting involved in an escalation simply leads to a potential of violence, where you will almost certainly come off worse. Walk away.

Defend yourself. Sheesh.

An acquaintance used to work in a Co-Op, she always said those convenience shops attract a certain type of customer. She was a bit of a snob though and looked down on her customers as the shop was in a pretty deprived area.

Oh fgs, I'm not a thrill seeking idiot and I did not and never would put my child at risk. I'm a normal person and I stood my ground in an argument which was happening whether I engaged or not. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I don't understand why you engaged with her either

Sorry, forgot to say she WBU.
She should have gone to the other till, no need to have a go at a stranger for no apparent reason.

Standing your ground means that you finish the conversation at this point:

"I'm getting cash back". Then you turn away from the unhinged lady (but not to the point that she can attack you without you seeing her coming!) pick up your shopping and leave the store with your head held high.

Starting a bit of argy-bargy and bringing yourself right down to her level begins at this point:

"*what's your problem" followed up by feeling you really have to tell her she's an ignorant bitch and then doing so.

HTH.

Thanks for the clarification heebiegeebie! Most helpful. I'm well aware now, hours later, with tea in hand, on my sofa, not trying to load a ton of shopping onto a buggy/rucksack without waking dd, whilst a stranger verbally abuses me, that I might have got a bit carried away.

Definitely YANBU. You were shopping with your young child and were verbally abused by a random stranger. According to some of these posts you were meant to make a snap semi-professional judgement that she had mh issues, and therefore should ignore and leave the store quietly? I'm disappointed that none of the staff in the store said anything helpful to you, or to the woman. I'm sure they wouldn't tolerate their staff being spoken to like that.

I've had the opposite experience of asking a customer in front of me not to be so rude to the young girl on the till. He was absolutely foul to her, she rang the panic button and her manager came over and he eventually left the shop. I too had a young child with me. Nobody else in the queue said a word, and some looked at me with surprise. The young girl just looked utterly dejected and embarrassed. The whole thing made me feel pretty disenchanted with people in general.

Thank you nicenewdusters

Like you, I too have intervened on other people's behalfs in situations like yours. I really hate rudeness and will call people on it (unless the rude person in question is an obvious threat - eg brandishing an axe in the manner of a Game if Thrones character)

Now come on, we all know op should have sympathised and offered to take the woman out for a cup of tea.

Meanwhile in the real world I'd have told her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and when she gets there fuck off some more.

fackinell I was thinking the same thing. So glad I wasn't the one that said it. Well, first anyway.

Of course you know this means when I go to Waitrose tomorrow I'm going to be on the lookout for a "bitch-like" behaviour at the tills.

What sistersofpercy said...