When to have a third baby...

[PoppySeed2014]

I have a 4 yo and a 2 month old. We would like one more dc...
Aibu to think we should just crack on and have another baby straight away?!
I'm 39 so aware that time isn't on my side. I got pregnant straight away the first two times but I'm worried about my health/the baby's health if I wait too much.

But is that mad? Should we wait and have a more manageable gap - 2 or 3 years?!

Our tiny baby is very easy right now but I'm well aware that in 9 months she'll be starting to walk, talk, all over the place...!

Help?!

Mine are 20, 8 and 4. It's very manageable!

Thanks all. So interesting to hear different perspectives. Dh was spectacularly crap when both dc were born. So I know that I'll be largely doing things single handed if/when we do have a third!

hmm - no ideal age gap! My first two are 16 months apart. That was hard work as DC1 was an appalling sleeper (still is, age 6...) and I had a full time job with unpredictable hours - late nights and weekends weren't uncommon. DC2 was an amazing sleeper and very easy. I wanted number 3 when DC2 was 18 months but it took me until DC2 was nearly 5 to persuade DH. So children will be 6 3/4 and 5 1/2 when DC3 is born. I'm 39. I'm looking forward to things not being quite so crazy now the other two are older but sort of feel like we should have a fourth so the third doesn't feel left out... But I also feel I don't really want to be having babies in my 40s. My pregnancy this time round has felt tougher even though I have a much less stressful job.

In your shoes I'd get on with it. In the nicest way possible, your fertility will be spiralling at 39, I wouldn't push it to 41.

I have a DS8 and DD5, currently pregnant with no3 and looking forward to enjoying this one all to myself.

My DC1 was 2yrs 9months when DC2 arrived then DC3 (mistake!) born 15months later - if DC3 had been one time I would have had 3 under 4yo!. It was really, really hard as DH working away and I had PND but I was lucky to have lots of help from friends, neighbours and my Mum. DC2 & 3 are very close even now, 30 years down the line, and I reckon that, in hindsight, the hard work was well worth it.
Just one word of warning - DC2 tells me now that she always felt she was short changed as 'poor little miss middle' - her dominant elder sister and slightly needy younger brother took most of the attention. That said she has grown up into a very successful, gregarious young woman.

Mine are 7, 5 and 2.5 and I found the jump from one to two much harder than two to three. Maybe that's because my third baby was a much better sleeper than my third but tbh I already found it a juggle with 2 and adding a third was no different as I was used to juggling different children's needs. It's all-consuming though and I found that it was manageable as long as looking after the children was all I did - as soon as extra was thrown into the mix, I found it hard - going to visit someone for example or trying to do something grown up. I think my expectations were different with the third, I had theattitude that if all I did was look after baby, that was oOK whereas with the second we were out a lot more. I did still manage a lot of play at home with the older 2 as well though and that wasn't difficult to manage.

Number 4 is due in a few weeks so we'll see how that goes!!

Mine are 6, 3 and 1. Hardest part for me is getting them all out the house on time for school, nursery etc. Other than that I have not found it that much harder than having two. The eldest helps lots with the baby (because she wants to ...not because I ask her to). Baby is very easy though - very smiley, content little thing. So pleased we went for it and had a third - think we would have always had that niggling regret if we hadn't

We had 3 under 5 for a while, they are now 6 (nearly 7), 5, and (just) 2. I would say have your third before your eldest starts school but since you've got a bigger first gap than me that's probably not possible! I found the 18 month gap between the first two easier than the 3 year gap but that was because DD2 was a very easy baby. DS was a more demanding baby (he was preemie) and I had the school run to contend with as well. Now he's catching up with the other two (there are finally some toys they all play with together) life is getting easier.

Anyway IME small gaps work well because although the pregnancy is incredibly hard and the first year of the youngest is hard (but they always are) once you have a 1 year old and a 2 year old they become such great pals that life is a joy. For the kids I think it depends on personality, DD2 is less confident that DD1 and so feels a bit sorry for herself that (not surprisingly) she can't always keep up (e.g. she can't read as well as her older sister), on the other hand my DN1 suffered because her DSis (15 months younger) was able to do some things her big sister couldn't.

Just wanted to add that it has negatively impacted on my marriage. I don't have the time or energy for dh, he struggles to cope with three (rolly eye emoticon). We are kinda of struggling out until we get them all to school age as we know it will get better. We fight more as house isn't as clean, I need him to step up more and get frustrated when he doesn't. I wanted 4 but I can honestly say I'm done. That said I have no family support or friends which would make a huge difference.