To expect dp not to go away for 2 nights with work a week after my due date?

[Stripylikeatiger]

The company dp works for has an annual "meeting" which is really just a jolly/team building excersise with a bit of information thrown in, the information is all quite basic, it's not training it's really just going over any changes the company is going to implement.

Unfortunately this year the meeting/jolly is a week after I'm due to give birth to dc2, dp has the normal 2 weeks paternity leave and he's also book (and had approved) 2 weeks holiday so he'll either be on paternity leave or on holiday on the days the meeting is being held.

I asked him today if he's told his bod not to book him a hotel room/transport/meals as he won't be able to go to the meeting and do said yes, I've told them it's not certain as to if I can go or not, I replied that it is certain, he certainly can't go so he might as well tell them with as much time as possible.

Dc1 was born at nearly 42 weeks so there is every chance I will still be pregnant at the time of the meeting but the meeting is a 3/4 hour drive away if I need to call dp and tell him I'm in labour, I'd be at home alone with our toddler. If the baby has been born it will probably only be days old so I'd have a busy toddler and a newborn to look after alone (no family live close by) and I'll be recovering from birth, I did recover quickly from dc1's birth but it might not be the same this time.

Aibu to expect dp to just say sorry I won't be able to attend the meeting?

Yanbu, you definitely need him to be with you especially since you have a toddler. In fact, he should have declined this already.

YANBU. In fact, whatever you demand of him at that time is perfectly reasonable, you need to know you are his no1 priority. much better to be up front and say he's not available to work away around your EDD.

YANBU. One way or another you're going to need him.

Did you mean 45 min or 3-4 hrs away? 45min away he could go during the day but not over night and not 3+ hours away. YANBU

I was going to come here and say he is having a laugh, but if it's 3/4 hour drive away, he could go to the meeting but no to staying over.

Obviously, he should not go if you have had the baby. Many people have partners who travel that far every day. I would have thought you would want him to continue working as long as possible so that he can be around more afterwards?

It's 3-4 hours away, the thing that concerns me about him just going for the day is if labour starts I'll be at home alone with my toddler and I'm worried it might upset him to see me in pain.

It's good to hear I'm not expecting too much of him.

Normally I'm pretty gung-ho about not needing to have your DH glued to your side 24 hours a day pre-and-post-natally, but I think that in this situation, 4 hours away with no local family, there's no real chance he'll be able to go. Have you asked him under what specific circumstances he thinks it might work?

Is he having a giraffe?

By the by, my second baby arrived on the lounge floor after an hour and a half, and this isn't exceptional from talking to people. 4 hours away is far too long.

You're right, he's wrong. Is he persisting with the belief he can go?

YANBU. If he is going to be the person looking after your toddler then he just can't go off like that. It's not on for you to have to face possibly going into labour and also having to entertain/calm down a small child while you're at it. You need to tell him that straight and say he should do the right thing and tell them now. Even if you've had the baby there's no knowing how fit you will be feeling - you might be recovering from a section etc...

In 4 hours you could go into labour and have the baby.

He is being an arse. I generally forgive arseishness with a first baby, often they just dont get how it will be, but with a second? Nope. He knows how this works and he also knows you situation, no excuses.

I rather suspect he doesnt want to say no to his boss.

Saucy, my 2nd was fast too, not quite on the lounge floor but only just in the hospital with no time to spare!!

OP, likely he would not make it if he is 3-4 hours away. Would your toddler then have to come to the hospital with you? That is crazy, He needs to stay close by!!

And dont forget 4 hours away isnt how long it will take him to get back. He has to explain to everyone, get through the old "good luck mate!" stuff, get his stuff together, check out, get it in the car, and THEN he starts the 4 hour drive. In reality you are looking at closer to 6 hours and thats assuming you dont go into labour just before rush hour starts.

Unless he is The Flash, this is not a good idea.

I don't think he will be able to go at all, you have nobody locally to help and you could go into labour. Who does he think will look after your toddler whilst you are in hospital?

We have care arranged for when I go into hospital but it's not 100% so there is a chance dp will be looking after ds.

His reasoning is if I have the baby at 37 weeks (which seems quite unlikely!) then the baby would be 4 weeks old by the time it's a week after my due date, in that case he could go, but I think it's best that he arranges to go if I do have the baby early.

If your first baby was born at 42 weeks then basing a plan on this one being 3 weeks early seems bonkers. Of course it could be early, in which case he will have a month to arrange his jolly. It seems much more likely that you will either still be pregnant and the birth imminent, or you'll have a very new newborn, and in either case he shouldn't be going anywhere.
My 2nd labour was less than 2 hours 3rd was 80 min tell him a few stories about precipitate labours!

FFS, with DC2, not only didn't I get to the hospital, the ambulance didn't get to us in time, and DH had to do the honours! I'm sure , though, that your toddler could step in if needed.