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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my husband is a miserable bastard.

25 replies

5toocoolforschool · 09/10/2014 16:27

Me and husband are in the process of splitting up.Still living together,on relatively good terms (though not good enough for us to stay together)

Its our sons birthday today,hes only 2 but i still got him some presents and we took him for a day out at a theme park at the weekend.

If it wasn't for me buying the presents and arranging things ds would get nothing,and do nothing.I even asked him and he said "he wouldn't get anything from me id buy him nothing"

We have older kids too,and he says the same about them,and about Christmas too.

This isn't normal is it?My mum says its a man thing, I don't think it is.

I don't mind that i am the one doing the planning and buying because i enjoy it but he genuinely would rather they got nothing!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/10/2014 16:28

One of the reasons he's stbxh I would imagine....

redexpat · 09/10/2014 16:31

Your mum is excusing his shitty behaviour on account of his penis.

What is he like with his own birthdays? Does he genuinely not care or want a fuss? How did he treat his familys bdays and xmas? And yours when things were better between you?

Spindarella · 09/10/2014 16:32

Not a man thing. YANBU - he is miserable.

Lottapianos · 09/10/2014 16:37

There's no such thing as 'a man thing' or ' a woman thing'. He sounds lazy and thoughtless OP. And no its not normal.

Original poster
5toocoolforschool · 09/10/2014 16:37

hes not too bothered about fuss over birthdays or Christmas for himself but he does always buy himself something big (guitar,drum kit,record player,bike etc) or ask me to (joint bank account so same thing really)

OP posts:
championnibbler · 09/10/2014 16:37

No, this is not normal. He is mean and stingy and miserable. You are well rid. Be thankful you are about to escape.

WestEast · 09/10/2014 16:43

Not a man thing.

It's a shit dad thing.

Charitybelle · 09/10/2014 17:01

Are you worried that when you split up he'll still be like this with your DC?

DadDadDad · 09/10/2014 17:02

Just to demonstrate it's not a man thing, as a man, I like getting presents for my children. It's true that my wife is more organised - eg start getting Christmas presents in October, and I might tend to leave things to the last minute.

But even though my disposition is to spend small amounts on my children (because frankly I don't want it to be a materialistic exercise where they end with loads of toys etc that they don't really value), I always find myself wanting to add extra presents / get the perfect gift especially at Christmas, because I love my children and would rather spend my money on them than myself. I assume most parents are like that.

PiperIsOrange · 09/10/2014 17:07

Dh and I don't care about gifts, but atm he is doing all the over time possible to get the money for Christmas for the kids, then we will sit down in the evening and discuss what we are going to get them and we go together.

Same with birthdays.

PiperIsOrange · 09/10/2014 17:07

Dh and I don't care about gifts, but atm he is doing all the over time possible to get the money for Christmas for the kids, then we will sit down in the evening and discuss what we are going to get them and we go together.

Same with birthdays.

Gen35 · 09/10/2014 17:53

He's a wally, I've never heard of a dad not buying their dc a gift. You sound well shot of him!

LadyLuck10 · 09/10/2014 17:54

Yanbu, it's definitely not a man thing. What kind of a man does this to his child.

fragolino · 09/10/2014 17:55

i have found women usually take charge of present buying, mine would also get nothing if left to dh, everuything would be flat and no effort made itsallme .

my father was able to buy gitfs, not fil though...

but to activly not want to buy stuff is off.

Titsalinabumsquash · 09/10/2014 18:00

My ex was like this, he never chi sundered buying anyone a gift for any occasion off his own back, it was assumed that for our 7 year relationship, I'd do the presents and all other Christmas/birthday stuff and he's get me something easy off my Amazin wish list and wrap it.

I never thought much about it until I met my DP and he came round the first year we shared Christmas with armfuls of gifts for me and my boys and the people we were celebrating with, now every year we spend a day together picking the kids things and he sorts my stuff out in his own time and other family we both decide what get and then whoever is near by the shop at the time will go and get it.

Your ex is an ex for a reason and your Mum needs to stop excusing him for being slack just because if his genitalia.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/10/2014 18:01

not too bothered about fuss over birthdays or Christmas for himself fair enough but he does always buy himself something big but not for the DCs? Selfish. Surprised your mum condones it.

bakingaddict · 09/10/2014 18:12

Not a man thing at all...my DH always goes overboard with toys for the kids. I left him to go with DS to the Legoshop in Legoland and said to get him one biggish box for about £25 as his birthday treat. DH came out looking slightly sheepish as he'd managed to spend over £100 on him

FruitbatAuntie · 09/10/2014 18:56

God, this is my ex. He didn't get a single thing for our youngest son's 1st or 2nd birthday. In fact thinking about it, he only got him a book for Christmas, and that was a week later. Yet he truly believes himself to be Father of the Year, and regularly claims to be DS1's 'primary carer' to acquaintances who don't know any better (well, if you were, what about DS2 then, eh? Oh, not bothered about him then). Really gets my goat.

He does spend money on DS1, so maybe in his head DS2 already has so much stuff handed down from DS1 that he doesn't need anything... I'm being very charitable there though!

If, god forbid, HIS birthday isn't treated as something that is worthy of a national holiday - well he isn't a happy bunny at all then. Funny that.

trackrBird · 09/10/2014 19:02

I wonder what kind of men your mum has been around to consider this 'a man thing' Confused

This is a 'pathologically selfish person' thing

3nonblondeboys80 · 09/10/2014 19:39

definately not a man thing. My dh is keener than me to buy presents.

BackforGood · 09/10/2014 19:43

Well, I think it's pretty normal for one parent to buy the present(s).
I'm very surprised that people think that each parent should get their child a separate birthday present Confused

ithoughtofitfirst · 09/10/2014 19:45

Ergh my mum always does the 'it's a man thing' ... thing.

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 09/10/2014 20:18

He needs to start buying if he's going to be an ex, you won't be buying from both of you.

WOuld he care if no one got him a gift or does he just not like them anyway?

mineofuselessinformation · 09/10/2014 20:24

Is he manipulative?
This really smacks of trying to make you feel bad about it.

Pagwatch · 09/10/2014 20:28

It's not a man thing
It's an arsehole thing.
My DH and ds1 have spent the evening getting presents and wrapping them for ds2.

I hate wanky behaviour being dismissed as a male thing. It isn't .
Women who excuse shite as if all men are like that are part of the problem.

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