I'm a bad feminist-accidentally gender dividing Xmas presents

[PrincessTeacake]

I've been looking after a set of boy-girl twins for four years now, at this stage I'm more like an auntie than a nanny and I always do something special with them at Christmas.

The girl twin has just developed a thing for ballet, this is something we've been bonding over and I want to take her to see the Nutcracker as her Xmas present, I know she'd love it. Problem is her brother would refuse to go and then cry because she got something he didn't. I'm trying to plan an equivalent day out together for him but she's likely to want to do that too, unless I choose something that's so rough and tumble that she'd rather stay home.

So, I'm stuck. I didn't set out to be sexist, it just happened!

Are you absolutely certain he would refuse to go? I took DD and DS to see it when DS was 8, he was pretty reluctant but The Nutcracker is such a magical show he ended up loving it. If you make it a really Christmassy day for all of you - going to see some lights, a Christmas market and having a warm drink somewhere they both might enjoy it

So you tell her that her present is a trip to the Nutcracker, and ask him if he wants to go. Then you find something equivalent for him and ask her if he wants to go. That way they both get to decide and it is fair.
Or take them both to a pantomime, save the ballet for her birthday?
Being a bad feminist would be denying a child the chance to do something she or he really wanted to on the grounds that it was too stereotypical.
Prejudice of a different sort.

I agree, take them both. Next year he can choose!

Respecting a child's right to choose their own interests and hobbies doesn't make you a bad anything.

Disclaimer; unless it's smoking crack, obv.

Even my football obsessed 10 year old nephew enjoyed the nutcracker when it came to it - he would never have asked to go. I think you should offer to take both of them. If he says no then that's his choice. If you want to make it fairer then perhaps you could take them out to a cafe before or after and he could choose which. Or, if that's too expensive, tell him he can choose next year's treat.

That's not stereotyping though, it's choosing based on the preferences of the individual children. Presumably if the boy twin preferred ballet and the girl the rough and tumble activity you'd feel comfortable with that?

Would he really hate it? The Nutcracker has some good stuff in it for boys who think ballet might be a bit girly? There's the soldiers/Nutcracker and the whole Mouse King/baddies thing too. If it was Swan Lake or something, then I'm not so sure he would enjoy it.

Why don't you ask them? I know it wouldn't be a surprise then but perhaps you could show them the programme of events at the theatre and say that you thought the Nutcracker would be a good Christmas treat out - would they both like to go or would they prefer to choose something else (that doesn't have to be the same) to do by themselves (with you). Just make it clear that they only have one trip to choose - they can't both go to both, IYSWIM

You don't have to ask the other to go. Organize the Nutcracker for her, because she will love it. Don't ask the boy. Organize something the boy would love for him, don't ask the girl. Don't go out of your way to make the boy's thing unappealing to the girl. That is just pushing something on him that he hasn't asked for. Let him guide you in what he wants.