AIBU to mention this to the leader?

[Joolsy]

At DD's Guides there is a helper who is a good friend of one of DD's friend's mum. As a result she seems to give DD's friend preferential treatment but seems to have taken a dislike to DD and a couple of others. For example, barking at some of the girls to tidy up but just giving DD's friend a ruffle on the head; telling off DD and a couple of others for something minor but not telling off the friend even though she was doing it too, that sort of thing. If it was happening only occasionally I'd shrug it off but it seems to happen most weeks. Even though she is obviously close to DD's friend's family I think in her role as a helper at guides she should be impartial and treat all the girls the same. Should I bring it up to the leader?

Have you seen this yourself or just had reports from your dd?

Just reports from DD and her other friend too, though I am inclined to believe them as this woman seems unfriendly and aloof whenever I've seen her & tried to make any sort of conversation with her.

This is the opposite of the leader who is always very friendly and helpful

I would mention it to the friendly leader. I'm a leader at my DD's Rainbows and have to admit sometimes it is hard for me to be impartial but as there is always more than one leader and they know I struggle with that there is always someone else who will jump in if there's an issue.

Yes I think you should mention it, before it escalates into something more. Although not entirely sure how?! Guides is about treating everybody as equals not treating people differently. Good luck and I hope that this doesn't put the girls off guides!

She should be impartial but it can sometimes be difficult to ensure that and she may not even have had it explained to her. She shouldn't be ruffling the other child's hair - that would be inappropriate if she did it to a child she didn't know so it is inappropriate to do to any child whilst they are at Guides. If this is happening regularly, I would bring this up delicately with the leader. I'd be very careful not to make direct accusations but simply say that your DD seems worried that the helper isn't always as impartial as she might be.

It is easy to make a mistake though. I'm DD's Brown Owl and if she's hurt herself it is hard to suppress my normal motherly instincts and treat her as I would have to treat the others.

My dd is one of my brownies and my son one of my beavers. It is hard when you need to take of the Mum had and put on the leader one and I know I can sometimes go too much the other way, like not picking my child when they put up their hand. My fellow leaders and I always try and not work with our own children if we can help it and I know I am looking forward to when my own children age out and I no longer have the problem.
I would have a quiet word with your main guider and just explain your dd's feelings that perhaps the helper is finding it a little hard to find the balance and then the guider can deal with it. If a parent came and said this to me about one of my fellow leaders I would spend the next session paying close attention to the helpers interactions to the girls so if you do speak with the guider don't be surprised if your dd still reports some issues. These things tend to have to be treated in a fairly softly softly way for all as helpers are hard to come by and finding the right balance can take some time.
Don't be put off by the helper not being very open with the parents, I know I find parents far more frightening then a room full of 20+ 7 -10 year old girls or 5-8 year old boys!

Have a word. Your money is as important as your D.D's friends mothers.
They have enough of that in school blardy favoritism. It's the same with teachers kids.
Any shouting the parents do it, and if there is any shouting to be had you don't single certain ones out.
Is there not the option of telling her to stick her girl guide club where the sun doesn't shine. Settings like this can be very clique
I know you've no doubt here but your d.d will be telling the truth. I've experienced this myself as a child. I was extermerly nervous and my parents would put my in these clubs to try and bring me out a bit more, and I remember one instance to particular.
A favorite blue eye.... Ghost wont join in with our game.
The reply was leave her to sulk
After a few minutes I slowly walked over.
The response I got was Got out your mood have you.
I walked away again. I told mum and dad I didn't like it there and didn't want to go back luckily they respected my wishes.

Guide leader and DC here

I had my dd2 in my Guide unit for years, and i was inclined to go to the other extreme, and dd used to complain that she was never chosen for anything and was always told off more than anyone else. She also did far more tidying up than anyone else as we were always there right to the end. She will happily tell you that her best times in Guides were when we were on big regional camps and she was with other leaders.
Unfortunately mine was the only unit at that time in the area.

By the time DD3 was Guide age there was a different Guide unit, and she was in that Guide unit so fast! She is getting a much better Guiding experience IMO without me as her leader.

With my DC hat on....
In an ideal world, every unit who be run by dedicated enthusiastic people. Unfortunately, many units have to take what they can get as far as volunteers go. Until GG start paying a salary, and we all become employees with contracts and enforceable codes of conduct, it will be a never ending juggling act of getting the right people into the right units.
Over the years I have had some shocking leaders and helpers in units. As GG is open to all, if they are keen to help, we have to find a role for them. When there is a problem with a leader, and I get involved, it is the softly softly approach, because let's face it, its not like I can fire them!

I'd mention it discreetly to the leader, so that she is aware. I'll bet she does know, but is unsure how to say "stop favouring your dd" with totally pissing this woman off and her saying "forget it then, I won't bother coming anymore"
If this was one of my units, I'd be making sure the helper was not with her DDs patrol as far as possible, and as for tidying up systems should be in place that the Guides know they are tidying up, not negotiable, so no one should be barking at anyone! The patrol leaders should be responsible for their patrol members pulling their weight.
If a Guide unit is properly girl led, the leaders are really just facilitators- I know, I know!!!

X-post with Ghost, that sounds like a awfully run Guide unit there. Unfortunately there is bully in all walks of life, I'm sorry it wasn't dealt with

Thanks Owl. I've actually turned out very confident,but shy nervous kids normally do don't they.
In looks and personality. I am the polar opposite to what I was as a child

Thank you everyone. Some great advice. DD also told me on her way to bed that this lady wouldn't let her get her water bottle for a quick drink as she had a cough and told her to wait till the end! I've told DD to try & stand up for herself more, this lady has no right to withhold water from a child.

I'm going to have a word with the guider next week.