Am I being unreasonable to be upset!

[Natty90]

Hello! Me and my hubby are having trouble! For a while we use to fight all the time when I finished uni and was looking for work then we had a massive burst up and his mum got involved and we made up and didn't fight again for ages until recently we keep fighting and nick picking at each other and this morning it just blew up. His mum mediated and made it better because she knows what he is like she took my side. He just makes me mad cause I'm still waiting for my DBS to come through before I can start work, I'm still at home and he just treats me like a maid I'm sick of him telling me what to do and when I've done it complaining I haven't done it right I'm sick of him putting me down all the time and just treating me like the bloody house maid and as if I am stupid. I've told him millions of times how I feel and he just say I have n pride in myself or my belongings and then he comes out with things like it’s his house I have to earn my keep whilst I'm no helping with money! He doesn't treat me like a girlfriend more like a lodger. I get up with him at 6 to make his breakfast for him whilst he gets ready for work. I turned the tap on and it got water all over the top and I knew he’d go mad so I wiped it up and most of missed some cause when he went down I heard him go “oh for f**k sake” then shout up have you turned the tap on today and I knew he'd go mad so I said no so he walks up stairs and goes that needs cleaning up Natasha I thought what you stood there saw it would have taken a second to do instead you order me to do it so I told him where to go cause I was already mad at him cause we'd have a mini fall out before that so he says to me clean it up or don’t even think about using the tooth paste cause I bought it can you believe it then he wanted to take my phone and laptop to pay him back. He also told me to go and die and hopes I get murdered just before he left and that if I was still here when he got back he'd ring the police. I am scared of upsetting him or making him mad not because he'll hit me or physically hurt me but he'll make me feel small. Am I being really petty?

It sounds like a very unhappy relationship. Do you really want to stay with someone who makes you fearful?
I'd leave him if I were you. You will be happier without him and will find your self esteem.

You are 24. You are not married to this waste of space. You are not tied to him by children. Basically, you are in a good position to pack up your stuff and get the hell out of there, before his constant belittling grinds you down and you stop being able to see that you don't need to put up with this shit.

^"it’s his house I have to earn my keep whilst I'm no helping with money"
A true partner doesn't think in this way. He doesn't see you as his equal and he never will, even when you are earning.

Pack and leave. And be grateful you're still in a position to do so.

Is that your name in your first post beginning with N? I will ask Mumsnet admins to change it

Thank you all for your advice! I really appreciate it thank you!

Thank you very much KnackeredMuchly I didn't realise I'd left it in that's really kind of you!

What you are experiencing is domestic abuse. It is not going to get better it will get worse. He cannot change and you cannot change him so do not delude yourself that you can. If you have no friends or family to go to you need to make contact with police domestic abuse partnership/ social services/citizens advice bureau who will explain your options and where you can go. If he has isolated you from friends and family you must be very frightened and very alone. You will find help if you go to these agencies - just walk in. Most people in abusive relationships are abused between 30 & 40 times before they get help. You are a worth while person and what ever you have come from or your background you are entitled to a life without feeling scared or threatened. what ever you label him he doesn't appear to treat you as his fiance - where is the word love, partnership,care laughter. 24 is young in relationship terms. You need to get help

I guess I've always seen abuse as physical so never thought of it as that but after doing some research and listening to what you've all said I can see you are right, it isn't healthy!

What an utter bastard.
A phone and laptop for toothpaste what planet is he on??!!

As for the vile things he then said.

There's no coming back from that IMO.

Pack up and go if you don't co-own the property - and as long as you don't leave any of your belongings then leave tea bags on the counter and squeeze the toothpaste on to all the surfaces in the bathroom, empty the Hoover bag on the floor and tip the bin over - petty but it will feel good :)

Whose house is it? If private rented whose name is the tenancy in?

Do you have any kids and how long have you been together? Any idea if he has any history of domestic abuse

I'm not being nosy its easier for you to get tailored advice if we know this sort of thing

Life is too short for this.

Pack all your stuff and LTB.

This isn't want a relationship is like, you are living in a dictatorship.

What adult threatens to take devices off another adult.

Life is too short for this.

Pack all your stuff and LTB.

This isn't want a relationship is like, you are living in a dictatorship.

What adult threatens to take devices off another adult.

Hi Natty, it looks like you've put your real name in your first post, would you like us to remove it for you so you're less identifiable?

natty Sweetheart,what kind of life have you had that you could possibly think that his treatment of you is anything but vile and abusive?Please listen to the very wise women who have replied to you,they know what they're talking about.Do not ever marry this man.Make plans to leave him as soon as you can.Best of luck.