To think it is hard to maintain a career after kids?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I'm feeling frustrated. I've just turned down a job as it meant I would hardly see dd. If I didn't have her I'd move straight to the big smoke and start a career . I don't regret having her of course but I am frustrated that I seem stuck in a low paid job which I am overqualified for as it fits in with dd etc.

It is hard to maintain a career after DC - but it's doable, i think it's ultimately about making some sacrifices on both work and family sides. I have managed to maintain my career with small DC, (in a demanding industry, that is entirely London-centric) but it is hard work and you do feel as though youre juggling constantly.

I make things work for me by being self-employed, but for now i have sacrificed higher earnings in favour of more time being at home and available to DC.

However, I think it would definitely be much harder to try to begin a new career, from scratch, in my same area of work, for example. So, if that's what you mean, then yanbu.

Why did you apply for the job?

How old is dd?

Is part time an option - 4 days a week perhaps?

It isn't hard to maintain a career - it is hard to have it all I.e. be there for you children when you're in work most of their waking hours in the week.

I hate it, more so now my eldest has started school. The mental effort of keeping on top of everything is wearing and that's despite having decent childcare.

I'm turning away from the idea of a career in the sense pre DC - now it is time for me to find more fulfilling things to do which don't pay quite as well but keep me in the working world. Life is too short to work silly hours and miss my DC.

What Iggly said. You CAN have a career, but you have to learn to delegate or outsource some of your child related activities if you do. Maybe to your DP/children's father (if this is someone different), maybe you need to pay someone. We found having an au pair worked well for us.

Sometimes work will come first, sometimes family will come first. Most employers respect this these days. It's still hard work though - exhausting some times.

I couldn't

I earned to much for any state help (tax credits etc) and not enough to afford childcare. I know some women do it and take the financial hit for a few years, but honestly I think working and juggling childcare is hard enough when you're actually earning a bit of extra money to make it worthwhile. Doing it when you breaking even, or worse, making a loss, that would be too soul destroying for me. Maybe if my career had been something I loved to do, my decision would have been different (am now a sahm). Although I enjoyed it and look forward to resuming work one day, I would have deeply resented being away from my baby for little or no money.
So I agree with you OP, its not impossible, but for most people it is hard.

I think it's probably tricky for both parents to maintain a full on career - unless you have enough money for wrap around care/ ft nanny. The key is to have children with someone who doesn't mind being main carer if you want to keep working. Very hard for single parents of either sex.