To want to run away and never come back?

[TheNightIsDark]

Sorry this might be long.

I'm floundering right now. I've taken on extra hours at work to cover absence. It was supposed to be for 6 weeks that ended this week but they now need me for 2 more weeks. Asked if I could do 4 days instead of 5 as I'm struggling to cope- out of the house from 7-5 every day, DCs in childminders/school so not seeing them, OU course to do, housework to get on top of- they said no.

DPs dad died in July around the same time as his contract ended. He got a new job 2 weeks ago but had to take 2 days off to go somewhere to scatter FILs ashes. Work were ok with this. He then decided that he hated the new job so took a day off for a 5pm interview. I was off work the next day with poorly DS2 but DP came home mid morning saying he had had a breakdown at work and they'd sent him home so I went into work after he assured me he was ok to watch the baby.

Borrowed £200 from MIL so we could pay the rent on the basis that DP had a job and would be paid the following week. Get up the next day and he says he can't cope with going in. Get to work and MIL tells me he's been fired for taking the 2 days off to scatter ashes.

This didn't quite add up so I checked his emails. His work had told him the second day to phone them and let then know if he was coming back. He didn't ring them so they fired him.

We now have very little money. I come home having picked up the DCs from CM to find he's done fuck all. Not even put his dirty crockery in the dishwasher. This is everyday. I understand he's a bit of a mess over his dad but it's getting too much now.

He keeps going on about not knowing what he wants to do with his life and going back to college etc. he apparently has some inheritance money to use for training/setting up a business etc yet I'm having to borrow money to pay rent.

MIL keeps asking me in front of people at work if I have the money yet. It's humiliating.

And to top off a fucking excellent few months DS1 had his long awaited (4years) ADHD assessment today only to find that the paperwork the school told me was being done a month ago only turned up at the hospital on Friday and the consultant hasn't had time to read it. We now have to wait months for a new appointment. I raised these concerns when DS was in nursery. His key worker agreed there was a problem yet was too scared of saying anything to our manager (MIL) to refer him. I now have to go to work tomorrow and try not to shout at her that DS could've been assessed by now if she had done her job properly.

I've been trying to leave DP for months. Things keep getting in the way. First FIL was really ill, then he died and now DP is struggling. Except there's a chance he's a lazy cunt who's fucking milking it. Mil keeps saying it's not fair for him to be hired at work but how is this fair for me?

I'm knackered. I can't keep on top of everything. I keep crying at random, I can't sleep. I do everything- laundry, cleaning, bathing kids, feeding kids , reading and homework, CM drop offs/pick ups, work admin, studying etc.

I just want to run away somewhere that there's no expectations. I ask DP to help around the house and he refuses as apparently I leave my shit everywhere and he will chuck it all out one day.

This isn't how my life is supposed to be.

Oh God, you poor soul.

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable about support networks you can tap into will be along shortly.

Do you own your own home or are you renting? Is there any family you could take your children to stay with and leave not so DP to it?

I take it you work with MIL? Who borrowed the money? In any event, I would refer all enquiries for repayment to her son and let him deal with it.

We rent. My family are in the next county (only 20 mins away but logistical nightmare for school/CM/work). I borrowed the money. I think I am going to have to say that she needs to deal with him over it.

One by one these things seem easily dealt with. I just feel completely overwhelmed by it all at the moment.

I would definitely tell her to speak to him. You borrowed this money to keep a roof over the heads of her son and grandchildren. Your husband is the one who didn't keep up his end of the bargain.

Does your MIL know about all the stuff you've written here? Would she be amenable to offering help (I don't necessarily mean money) if you lay the cards on the table?

Can you ask for a deferment on any of your coursework?

She just tells me to give him some space as he's struggling. I've tried talking to her. I asked her for reduced hours and explained how stressed I am but she wouldn't listen.

Thank you for replying btw!

Sorry, have I picked you up right? Is your MIL your boss?

Your MIL is your boss??

Your MIL is your boss??

Yes she is. Sorry should've been more clear about that. Bit all over the place

And she won't let you reduce your hours even though she knows how much you're struggling?

She sounds like nasty piece of work who enjoys having some control over you. She strikes me as rather type who thinks their precious son can do no wrong??

You have my sympathy OP - it all sounds awful

And she won't let you reduce your hours even though she knows how much you're struggling?

She sounds like nasty piece of work who enjoys having some control over you. She strikes me as rather type who thinks their precious son can do no wrong??

You have my sympathy OP - it all sounds awful

How long have you worked for MIL, OP?

Because depending on how secure your job is, would getting a sick line for a few weeks be an option?

Your mother in law should be extremely sympathetic to your need for "space".

Pretty much. DP is an only child and fits the stereotype perfectly.

I might just go in tomorrow and say I can do 4 days. I'm only contracted for 3 anyway so I'm not sure she can force me to do 5. Then I can just deal with the fallout.

I'm thinking of getting a GP appointment tomorrow to see if I can get something to help. I'm not at all myself right now- very snappy, stressed and just feel meh. GP opens at 8 which is when I start work but I can't go on like this.

2 years I've worked for her. The problem with getting signed off is financially I would be buggered. It did cross my mind

I'm self employed so not much good on statutory rights. Are you entitled to statutory sick pay if signed off?

What is your relationship like with your own relatives? Do they know how bad your situation is? Would they be able to offer moral support, if nothing else, at this point? Maybe take the kids at the weekend to let you get some catch up done?

On the face of it, there should be no need to pay a childminder to care for your kids at the moment if your husband is sitting home sans job. That would be one cost saving.

I hope you are doing SFA for him in the way of house work, cooking, etc.

My mum will help emotionally. I'm just not very good at talking about feelings and things.

I could get SSP but I think it works out to £17 a day or something.

i am sorry for you .op i would tell her you are sorry but you can only do your appointed days .she cant sack you for that .tell her the money situation .that as hubby is ill you can,t pay her back just now .if your hubby genuinely he should recieve sickness benefits .its not a lot but its better than nowt .you should try to claim tax credits if you the only working adult .if you work the 3 days you would get the supplement .but i will say your hubby could be taking his fathers death hard .my mother died suddenly last year .and the only reason i did,nt fall to bits was because of my 3 children .there father is very ill .so i knew he was,nt fit so i had to get on with it ..otherwise i would have just curled into a ball and done nothing .hopefully things get better soon .