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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find hosting frequent overnight visitors a chore, faff, and a bit stressful?!

19 replies

inconceivableme · 07/10/2014 14:50

I've got no choice really as most good friends and relatives live 3-4 hrs away. We don't have a dedicated spare room either so always have to make space in and juggle about the (v small double) second bedroom, usually used for additional clothes & stuff storage, as my p/t home office and the odd bit of indoor clothes drying. It has a double sofa bed which, when opened for sleeping leaves almost zero floor space, especially once you add a travel cot into the mix. And my office chair has to go on a little holiday to the garage, which is down a little lane at the end of our road.
Then there's the extra washing of bedding and towels, and other people's stuff randomly located through the house - FIL especially bad at this and a bit clumsy and careless too so there's always a new scratch on the woodwork or something after a visit. And the extra waiting on everyone re food and drinks. And general disruption to routine which I've become fond of since becoming a parent - I can't do my exercise DVD with FIL
sprawled on the sofa watching football!

AIBU and an old grump? I enjoy seeing most of our visitors but just wish it was less hassle hosting them and that we had more space.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 14:53

Do they invite you? I would do it less often.

ViviPru · 07/10/2014 15:01

YANBU.

I'm really sociable and like you have many close friends and family who live too far away for a day trip. We live in a bit of a beauty spot and people are always keen to visit. We probably have on average a family/couple staying once a month all year.

On top of all of the annoyances you mention, after an incident during the summer when our niece was staying, our dog is now quite difficult at night if we have guests (thanks a bunch "D"N ). If she is disturbed, she will whine and bang the door all night keeping everyone awake.

The guests we had this last weekend were the final straw for me. While they were perfectly convivial and generally considerate, they admitted to having inadvertently woken the dog up in the early hours and due to attempting to settle her/being kept awake buy her I didn't get back to sleep at all.

I am usually quite long suffering with things like this and on balance feel it's worth it to spend time with dear friends. However being 28 weeks pregnant currently is reducing my tolerance somewhat. I also CBA with the day after when I just want to get on with stuff and they seem to just hang around.

We have BiL, SiL and DN scheduled to stay the weekend after next, then the following week one of DHs oldest friends, DW & their twins. I told DH it's not happening. He thinks I'm being a bit OTT and hasn't put them off yet....

deraila · 07/10/2014 15:04

nope. dislike it intensely. i also know i am very intolerant. sometimes i'm amazed my family and friends still want to visit .

i dislike other people walking around my hard wood floors in bare feet (verruca phobic).

i hate that i always end up finding little grey scruffs and oily handprints on my hallway newly painted walls.

i hate that i want to tell other kids to stop walking around my dining room with a slice of toast and sit at the table or a toddler eating sloppy weetabix from a bowl on my sofa.

i get annoyed when the other kids are up screaming at 6.30am but ours arent awake til 8am.

i dislike the disappointed faces when we serve a meal for 4 adults and four children.

Hmmm, i should stop now.

cherrybombxo · 07/10/2014 15:05

I'm really anxious about everything and I'm a real introvert who needs space. I can't stand the thought of having people round to my house never mind frequent overnight guests! YANBU.

ILovePud · 07/10/2014 15:06

YANBU to feel that way. How often is frequent though and do the reciprocate by having you over? Can you meet up for a day out in the middle? That or work on getting some more local friends

Mintyy · 07/10/2014 15:09

Yanbu. I loathe and detest staying overnight in other people's houses and equally loathe and detest people staying at mine. Unfortunately we live too far away from family to just do day visits. I wish we lived about an hour's drive away ... too far to just "drop in" but close enough to drive there and back in a day .

ViviPru · 07/10/2014 15:12

Can you meet up for a day out in the middle?

This is very good advice. I should have mentioned we have started doing this too, it works really well IMO...

Original poster

inconceivableme · 07/10/2014 15:18

I'm glad it's not just me!
We do visit the visitors too. With friends we take it in turns to visit each other. With the ILs they visit for a couple of nights every 4/5 weeks (!) but DH objects to them visiting less often as a few years ago we moved to be much closer to my family (no overnights needed) and are now further from his and he (understandably?) wants his family to see as much of our little one as possible...

Minty - I wish for that ideal family&friends distribution radius too!

We're trying to make new friends - easier said than done though, moving cities with a v young baby doesn't lend itself as much to that
in reality as you might think. :(
Want to stay in touch with the more geographically distant friends though, in any case.

OP posts:

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 07/10/2014 15:23

Yanbu. I also dislike it (not that relatives need to stay much) but dc and sleepovers make me sigh inwardly. And sometimes outwardly. There always seems to be a list of people that want to come to sleep Why??

Relatives always seem to have to stay at Christmas and I just find it too much. I am unsociable probably.

Original poster

inconceivableme · 07/10/2014 15:24

Also, while having guests here has its disadvantages, I prefer my house to the ILs!!!! And I should remind myself more often that visitors sometimes equals babysitters!!

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley1 · 07/10/2014 15:29

Yanbu.

I'm not a great host and inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) groan when I hear DP has invited people to stay.

I hate staying away from home, too.

TheSpottedZebra · 07/10/2014 15:40

I quite like hosting, but I suspect it's because it's such a rare occurrence.

Possibly because I'm probably not a very gracious host - ref PP'S comment about children eating, I make no bones about having house rules - and one is that you sit at the table to eat. This is a rule that I can brand and v break as I see fit, but my default for children is that they'll eat at the table.

Another rule is that my mum stays out of the kitchen, as she is very annoying. If she insists on helping, which she often does, I can normally find some ironing for her - and she really likes ironing.

Original poster

inconceivableme · 07/10/2014 16:37

Have investigated the options for meeting up for the day halfway and they're not inspiring...

OP posts:

worserevived · 07/10/2014 16:46

YANBU

I hate it, probably because everyone always wants to come here as we have the most space, and a big garden, with lots to do. Fair enough I guess, but it would be nice if just once someone offered to do all the work.

DH is not helpful in that he likes to invite large groups of people all at once, and thinks ordering in fish and chips for one meal covers all the work . It isn't unusual for me to have 12 people, of a mix of ages, including small children for the entire weekend. That's a lot of bed linen, towels, and meals, especially given there is an expectation the children will eat about 5pm, and I will serve up something dinner party-esque later for the adults. I don't have the time or energy to want to do this.

On the upside friends and family are very helpful and considerate, and only one rather tedious friend allowed her toddlers to eat/spill food on the sofa. The rest are pretty good about confining mess to areas with washable floors!

ILoveOnionRings · 07/10/2014 16:48

I have finally put my foot down to last minute family guests, they live 4 hours drive away and at a whim would decide to 'visit' us usually with 1 or 2 days notice. We would not have minded the visitor clean, changing our plans the extra work laundry etc etc if they actually wanted to spend time with us rather than use us a Travellodge and free babysitting service whist they gallivanted about. Can you tell I am still annoyed?

And now after 2 years of this I have finally said sorry not this weekend as we have already made arrangements, they wanted to come to watch the football, they have the cheek to be affronted!!

SicilianOlives · 07/10/2014 17:00

Best decision we ever made was getting rid of our guest room! If you don't want people to stay, you have to make it as uncomfortable as possible so that they'd rather stay at a hotel or meet halfway. And yes I know that sounds mean and miserable - that's what years of having guests staying over constantly turned me in to!

Other peoples extremely loud children waking up at half 5 and running in to our childrens rooms and waking them up when normally ours get up at least gone half 7 and then dealing with our own grumpy tired over excited children all day

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/10/2014 17:03

YANBU. Dreading Christmas already as I just like my own space. MIL will be here for at least 5 days and I like her , BIL and his GF for 2-3 nights.

Antisocial introvert too. DH has been away for a week and while I miss him in many regards, it's been lovely and I've hardly had to do any laundry.

happyyonisleepyyoni · 07/10/2014 17:09

Is there a Premier Inn nearby or another cheap option for your guests to stay? They are fab and start at £30 per night -it could save your sanity. Have a look on Trip Advisor for your area.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 07/10/2014 18:07

I've got no choice really as most good friends and relatives live 3-4 hrs away.

Why do you have no choice? Are there no hotels where you live? Do you have some medical condition which makes saying "No, that isn't convenient" difficult?

Dreading Christmas already as I just like my own space

So don't invite people, then.

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