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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting?

46 replies

Kth1981 · 06/10/2014 21:49

My son is 10 and loves to play FIFA with his friends on xbox. I regularly check his friends list on there and can hear the chats he has with them online. I also make him aware (so I thought) that he does not accept any friend requests other than his friends that I know which he has done up until now. When I checked his account the other day he had accepted a friend request off a name I didn't know and when I asked him he said it's from his new PE teacher at school, he has sent the request to a few of his friends in his class and chats to some of them on there. The "teacher" is actually a 17 year old lad who is working at the school as part of his studies. I have spoken to the head teacher who has assured me that he has spoken to the lad and he understands that he can't behave like that and was just trying to be friendly with the boys.
I'm not completely happy with this lad continuing to teach my son after this though, I don't want to be harsh or accuse him of anything but I just find it hard to understand why he'd want to chat with the boys out of school time. I feel a line has been crossed.
Am I being unreasonable or worrying about nothing? I'm not sure what to do

OP posts:

figgieroll · 07/10/2014 06:30

It's highly unlikely he's on a teacher training course yet as he would be 18 +

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/10/2014 08:21

My ds1 is nearly 16.
Ds2 is 11.

Ds1 is "friends" with some of ds2 friends on FIFA. He doesn't really chat to them, just plays them online.

I'm struggling to see what the drama is tbf.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 07/10/2014 08:25

Overreacting massively.

I'm feeling quite sorry for him tbh!

Tinkerball · 07/10/2014 08:25

YABU. What do you think the 17 year plans to do? I feel incredibly sad about threads like this and there was one the other day about a man asking directions...too many people live their lives seeing risk and potential for abuse everywhere.

my2centsis · 07/10/2014 08:29

Agree with everyone else sorry

slithytove · 07/10/2014 08:30

Yabu. I have quite a lot of anonymous kids on my ps friends list purely for gaming purposes. I had no idea they were children until I got a mike as they all better than me

BIWI · 07/10/2014 08:31

Yes, YABU. What should you do? Nothing now. You've reported it - and he will be told by the HM that he has crossed a line.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 07/10/2014 08:32

I agree, it's been dealt with. You would only NBU if it continued. And yes he is still a child himself, in theory.

Icimoi · 07/10/2014 08:37

Another YABU. One of the nice things about gaming is the way it brings children of all ages together - look in any Games Workshop on a Saturday.

slanleat · 07/10/2014 08:45

19 year old man up in court this week here for grooming younger boys via facebook. He had convinced them to overshare information and even got one 13year old to send him explicit photos.

So maybe not too much of an over-reaction to a 17 year old being on line with a 10 year old.

Especially when you consider that the 17 year old in question was in somewhat of a position of authority over the 10 year olds.

However it does seem to have been dealt with and you did spot it - so I would continue to monitor the situation and continue to monitor your son's online activity and move on.

londonrach · 07/10/2014 08:45

Yabu.

HerrenaHarridan · 07/10/2014 08:50

Well in glad the consensus is so resounding.

It's a sad world we live in sometimes.

Yabu

LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 07/10/2014 08:52

A 17 year old so first year out of high school and in college maybe?

I bet he just didn't think through the friend request as an adult in a position of power more likely a student trying to connect with younger children and do well on his new college course.

I remember training at 17 - I wanted to show how I was everyone's friend and how I could easily connect and gain the confidence of 'my students'.

Boy in a grown ups world slowly learning the way of the world.

Original poster

Kth1981 · 07/10/2014 11:24

Thanks for all your comments, i agree it has been dealt with and I will leave at that.

I agree that it is a sad world we live in where we are always looking for risks but unfortunately it is the way of our world because the risks are there for our children

OP posts:

Greenrug85 · 07/10/2014 16:28

Massive over reaction.

This 'teacher' isn't actually a proper teacher is he, if he is helping out as part of his studies?

In any event he is just 17, not fully trained, and probably not aware of boundaries in these situations.

And, it is just a game.

Tinkerball · 07/10/2014 21:41

No I disagree OP, it's not the "way of the world" ....yes risks exists but you can't grow up in a black or white world, either not being aware of risks or being too anxious, no-one can live like that!

Tinkerball · 07/10/2014 21:42

And speak for yourself - you may always be looking for risks, but Im not that anxious thankfully or I think it would destroy my peace of mind.

Goldmandra · 07/10/2014 21:58

I agree that it is a sad world we live in where we are always looking for risks but unfortunately it is the way of our world because the risks are there for our children

I'm concerned that your perception of his action in linking up with younger children on a game is strongly coloured by the fact that he has crossed a line which is drawn to protect children from inappropriate contact with adults who are doing so for the purpose of grooming. You are assuming that the fact that he has crossed that professional boundary which applies to him only by a whisker, means he is automatically guilty of some dark motives.

In what way do you feel your children were at risk simply from a gaming connection? Naivety doesn't make you a risk to children and that seems to be this lad's worst crime so far.

We need to be careful not to condemn people who have crossed a line through ignorance and inexperience. Breaking a rule designed to protect children from paedophiles does not make you a paedophile.

ChippingInLatteLover · 07/10/2014 22:42

Breaking a rule designed to protect children from paedophiles does not make you a paedophile

Well said Gold

ChippingInLatteLover · 07/10/2014 22:43

A few months ago these two boys could have made friends at school and no one would have thought anything of it. It's madness.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/10/2014 00:30

Over reaction I'm afraid. Poor kid, at least the ht will have dealt with it sensitively, being used to children of all ages.

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