to not get why DH doesn't want to see this school?

[ShadowStar]

We have to apply for a primary school place for DS1 this year.

We want him to go to our nearest primary school, but we can't be confident he'll get a place - the local primary school is oversubscribed, and the distance cut off is usually about where we live, sometimes a bit nearer to the school than us, sometimes a bit further away.

So, obviously, we need to think carefully about the other preferences we put down on our application form (we can put down 3 schools).

I've called the schools and found out if they do open days, and arranged visits if there isn't an open day. I managed to arrange a visit at the 3rd nearest primary school for a day when DH isn't working, and when mum is free to babysit for an hour or two. This primary school has had spare spaces in the last few years, so DS1 would have a good chance of getting in there if we put it on the form as a 2nd or 3rd preference.

But - DH isn't interested in going. Says there's no point in looking at the school, because it's not the one we want DS1 to go to.

I agree that this school isn't our first choice, but given that not getting into our first choice school is a serious possibility, AIBU to feel that we should both be thinking properly about other local schools and taking the opportunity to look around them before we fill in the application forms?

Well, what does he want to do if you don't get a place in the nearest school? Is he thinking that you would put ds on the waiting list and home educate in the meantime? That's a perfectly reasonable plan if you both agree it. Or is he just not making backup plans, which is not so reasonable?

He doesn't have a workable back-up plan. He suggested private schools, but we don't have the money for that.

What will he do if ds gets a place at the school and you've viewed it but not him? Will he trust your judgement?

I'm viewing 2 catchment schools with dh and the rest without him as ds is most likely to get into the catchment. Dh willing to trust my judgement on school choice so not an issue.

Your dh is being unreasonable. Choosing a school should not only be about exam records or perceived reputation. It should be about a gut feeling which can only be considered once you have experienced and observed the school up close.... how do the teachers talk to you? To your child? Do the kids attending seem happy? Nice?

He's being a fool. 3rd preference school might actually be great - you might see it and think that it's perfect for your DD. There's so much value to getting a sense of the atmosphere/feel of a school.

He suggested private schools? What was he proposing? Does he have rich parents?

He says he will trust my judgement, but I still don't really understand why he wouldn't want to see for himself if it's possible for him to come along. We're talking about a school where DS1 could potentially be educated at for 7 yrs, after all.

joan - I don't think he stopped to find out how much private schools actually cost, and I'd be astounded if his parents were able, never mind willing, to fund school fees.

I viewed all schools alone as DH trusted my judgment on which would be best. We eventually got our first choice off the waiting list and my children are very happy there.

Go and look round with out him. If your DH trusts your judgement, great.

IF your DS ends up going to that school your DH will by default HAVE to be interested in that school.

FWIW - My DH hadn't looked round the school DS goes to before DS started there. And it was our first choice , since DS started there 4 years ago, DH has been to parents evening twice a year and school play once a year, picked DS up from school a few times a year and that’s about all the involvement he has.

So depressing all these fathers who aren't interested in their child's education..

OP YANBU. He can't just ignore reality in the hope that everything will turn out as he wants it to.

Lazy sod.