To think being single and childless isn't an enviable state of affairs?

[chumrun]

I was genuinely surprised on another thread when I noted that some would see being single as something to be envious of, it does make me wonder why they are in a relationship at all!

I don't enjoy being single. Maybe it's because I've had too much of a good thing if you like - have only had one partner, and was with him for 6 months. Split yesterday.

But, while it's obviously possible I'll meet someone, it's also possible I won't. And going into my 40s/50s without a husband or children is something I don't want.

AIBU to think being single is not really a great thing (unless you WANT to be)

The majority of my female friends are childless, as am I (aged 49). Although I'm very happily married, I have a number of friends who are never-married, some who are widowed, a couple who are gay (one in a partnership at the moment, and one not), an ex-nun who is deeply committed to celibacy outside marriage, and some who are in dating/more casual relationships. All a wonderful range of women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s who are enjoying their lives hugely, doing a range of exciting work, and are busy having fun with friends, travelling, voluntary work, teaching, community service etc. I certainly don't feel at any disadvantage to a woman with DC, and I married late after many years of being very happily single. If anything ever happened to my DH, like my widowed friends, I'd prefer not to remarry, and would continue with a rich, fulfilling life.

Being single and childless is heaven on earth if you don't want kids and aren't fussed about sex, or you have a FWB. Don't really mind if it's an enviable state or not but I feel desperately sad when I see women posting who would rather stay in the most terrible, abusive relationships because they're scared of being alone.

I have a 42 yr old single childless friend who would totally agree with you.
She also believes that it's better to stay in an unhappy relationship rather than be lonely and has no sympathy for anyone with marital problems because at least they're married.

I do feel for her because she desperately wants to settle down with someone but hasn't met anyone suitable.

I started the thread because another poster started a thread about how she didn't want to go out for her friends birthday as she'd be the only single one there and she felt others would pity her. Some of the replies said they were probably jealous of her singleness which i didn't feel was accurate.

Kewcumber - you of all people because you have actually had a child as a single mum. So many people blithely suggest adopting a child or having a baby through sperm donation if you can't meet someone in time to start a family - I just meant you of all people know it's not as straightforward as that. It wasn't meant as an insult.

As for what I want, I would like to be married and have a family of my own, and I can't imagine anyone being envious of me!

I see what you mean - I didn't think it was an insult, I truly just didn't understand what you meant!

Of course its not that simple and when I was 11, I wasn't planning on spending the best part of 10 years either trying to get pregnant or trawling through the adoption process on my own. I too assumed that I would get married and have children. It probably bothered me in my 30's when this didn't happen. Before that not so much and after that not so much.

People are envious of something they want. Yes I can imagine young mothers with little money and support, fondly remembering the days when they could go out when they wanted. I can imagine women in unhappy relationships being envious of someone single because they don't have the confidence to break away.

I don't think that necessarily equates to wishing they didn't have their children.

I rarely find people who are pretty self assured are anything more than mildly envious of others having things they don't. Of course if you have fertility problems then it can be gut wrenching but that's a whole different ball game to it just not having happened yet.

If its any consolation, at my age most of my married friends seem to think I have a wild sex life with buff young men so I'm certainly not pitied especially as I don't disabuse them of the notion